My sister is 18 months younger than me. Our relationship has worsened as we have gotten older. She has become a strong political activist and as much as I am very interested in politics I do not use every opportunity to get my views across.
I recently tried to reach out to her and encourage a coffee every month at our local tea rooms.
She turned up and it was going very well until she started questioning me on my politics and why I didn’t agree with her.
I suggested we leave that subject as we don’t agree but that doesn’t mean we don’t have other interests.
She became very angry and began raising her voice. I was stunned. She was quite shockingly rude to me with some racist overtones, at which I refused to discuss it further. She stormed out of the cafe. I haven’t spoken to her in 6 months.
I met with my brother recently and we discussed it, he felt that she has always struggled with the fact I had had a very good, well paid job and a stable marriage (she is divorced) and that she had always felt inferior in some way although I hadn’t encouraged that.
I did contact her a day after our meeting and said that I loved her but could not abide her rants and uncomfortable views.
I feel we have parted now but a friend of the family who we haven’t seen for years has asked to meet up with us all and I really don’t know what to do. Help.
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My sister is 11 years older than me , and we are poles apart on many subjects ..... she is Roman Catholic... i am an atheist! She ‘kow-tows’ to her husband on everything ...I think men are basically idiots ! But I refuse ,as does she, to let it interfere in our relationship. We just stay off the touchy subjects.
My twin brother hasn't spoken to me for over 1 year. It's totally his fault. All through our lives I've been the one to say sorry if there has been any altercations.(we're almost 70). This time I've had enough and I'm not apologising for something I haven't done, BUT I won't lower myself to his standard and I keep sending Birthday & Christmas cards etc. I've not had any from him. I'll always love him and care what happens but he's got to make the first move this time.
YOU MUST GO TO THE MEETING WITH THE FAMILY FRIEND, just be yourself, and IF she kicks off she'll only be showing her true colours. Enjoy seeing your family friend who you haven't seen for several years. ?
Sibling relationships can be so complicated. I feel for everyone here who has a strained relationship w/ a sib or who has to "watch" their AC fighting with or distancing each other. Sometimes, though, IMO, if family members have a tense relationship, they are better off w/ some "space" from each other, as sad as it may be.
Juel, I'm glad you decided to accept your friend's invitation. Chances are, your sister won't show, and if she does, she'll be nervous, too. I think you've been given very good advice as to how to handle things if she "kicks off." Hope you let us know how it goes.
IME, some people get really zealous about their political beliefs. So it's possible your sister really can't/won't tolerate anyone who doesn't share hers. But I agree her anger could also reflect other underlying issues, especially given your brothers' perceptions. Either way, I don't think you can fix it. She needs to sort out her own feelings or keep her distance.
Nanasnan and Saggi, IMO, you and your sibs are very wise.
I think older siblings, especially of the same sex tend to get blamed for everything. I have two sisters, one close to me in age, who died thirty years ago, and one seven years my junior. I have always had a slightly edgy relationship with her, although I was not sure what the problem was.
Shortly after our father died we had a deep talk and she told me the cause, which was nothing to do with me, but due to her misinterpretation of my mother's habit of always verbally worrying about absent children to the child who was present. I and my younger sister knew this and accepted that that was how our mother was. My youngest sister took it very personally as a sign of rejection by our mother. It never occurred to her that our mother talked endlessly to me about her.
Why all her resentment was directed to me alone, when she had two older sisters, I do not know. I assume because I am the eldest. Even though she has accepted my explanation and it has eased our relationship. I still tiptoe around her as if I am treading on eggshells, in case anything I say offends her.
I have just seen your comment LJP1 feeling are vented on those who are most likely to keep on loving just the same. I wonder if that comes into it. Whatever our relationship, we have always been there for each other, When DD had a serious accident, she made the journey from Dorset to Bedfordshire to be with us the moment I told her DD was fit to receive visitors.
I haven’t actually had a falling out with my brother ( no other siblings) but it’s always been up to me to keep in touch. He would decide after I’d arrange a meeting to go months without contact and then suddenly turn up at my home with no notice and spend time with us and then promise to keep in touch better and the same would happen again.
Several years ago I was in the middle of some awful family stuff which went on for quite a while, I let him know about it, he promised to help and support me and again never heard from him at all. I was in no state at the time to continue our relationship with no contact and finally gave up. He has never tried to contact me since and quite honestly I don’t miss him. My children have always thought him very strange
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