Mothers Day

Life changes when our kids have kids, and it’s difficult at times with family dynamics, in laws etc Personally, I always insist that my 2 sons focus on their lovely wives on Mother’s Day as they both live an hour or so away. My Son in law always insists on taking my DD, his Mum and me out to a restaurant on Mother’s Day. I always get spoilt by all 3 of mine so I truly do not mind whether I see them the week before or the week after, as long as I see them that’s all that matters to me.

Can I just say I understand your feelings but as mothers we have to adapt and evolve. I have three sons two married one still at home. Has left and come back due to finances. I love them all but I never spend Mother’s Day with all of them as they have their own lives . Yes they pop in usually on the saturday and one son has his twenty minute visit due to work but I love them and accept it. Life isn’t all perfect but we have to live with things and adapt.

I think you should relinquish control - your daughters and d-I-l's are mothers themselves - perhaps they too would like "their day" so yes I believe you are being unreasonable in wanting everything to be about you.

Sorry but I don't think you are a very nice person. You say you do this and you do that for them, you say you paid for the IVF [ which really did not need mentioning ] but that is what parents do for their kids be there for them to help in general or financially if you can. You do not shout it from the rooftops for everyone to hear. This baby is very special to both of them and to have a husband who realises this and wants to treat his wife on Mothers Day as her first ever Mothers Day says loads about him. To suggest your daughter celebrates MothersDay the day before says loads about you and not nice things either. Stop being so selfish and thank yourself lucky to have such a very caring son-in-law.

Wow OP, for what it's worth you are being very selfish. As you said you have had years of Mother's Day lunches to remember with your daughters. Life moves on. Do lunch all together on another Sunday and enjoy being part of your loving, growing family. Surely that is the important thing?

You are being selfish!

For goodness sake...Mother’s Day !!! .... such a nonesense.... made sure my mum got a card ...as she did hers.... my kids may pop in with a card but more likely a text. What a lot of fuss over nothing. Let’s hope it will ‘die a death’ .....sooner rather than later.

Im sure theyre extremely grateful you were in a position to pay for their IVF and it was generous on your part. Im glad it has been successful. Its the circle of life and our parts in it continually evolve/change. Its now your time to watch & enjoy them become parents to your grandchild and standing back graciously is your gift again. As your grandchild grows you could help him/her make a gift for mum & that will bring you pleasure.

Oh dear, is it just me? How have we become so obsessed with “days”. A day to celebrate this, that or the other. Isn’t having a loving family enough? If children ignored their mother all year but then sent a card on one day a year, would that be better? Surely, having loving contact with children any day of the year is far preferable?
Apart from the fact that every day of the year is hyped to the outer limits by marketing and most days were invented by Hallmark in order to sell more cards, what really is important?
Sorry, but I don’t do “days”. I’d rather have random thoughtful messages or random acts of kindness as and when it occurs to someone. Those moments mean far more than a marketed card or gift on a so called designated day.

Oh dear poor Ceitdh you’ve opened a can of worms! But fellow posters here are right your children have their own lives now and we do come second! I’m sure your generosity has been treasured but we mustn’t do things to be thanked.. I suspect you wish you hadn’t asked the question now but just enjoy any time with your children and their children .

Most of our family have always been shift workers so consequently we have celebrated Mother’s Day and Christmas and Boxing Day on a day that fits in with us all- anything within seven days either side.
I hope you manage to see and understand their decisions.

I also think you're being very selfish. Stop thinking about yourself!!

Change can be hard to adapt to your can’t •ceitdh• it? Families evolve and this is a new stage for you all. It will be different but it doesn’t have to be worse. Think if it as your weekend. Sounds a special two days to me. Smile through it all.

When our grandchildren arrived, we loved the fact that our children and their spouses could now celebrate Mothering Sunday (and Father's Day) in their own right. We weren't usually forgotten - flowers, cards, phone calls etc - and have had difficulty impressing on our children that it's lovely to be remembered, but we know they care for us all year round, and that maybe they should not be spending their hard-earned money on us now they have families! Maybe we should be spending ours on them so that they can celebrate!
Ceitdh, you have a wonderful family. Please help them celebrate. You won't be forgotten: it will just be different! They will always remember how much you have done for them, but don't make them feel obliged to do what you want or they will resent it.
What a great question for lots of discussion!!

Wow! I have to be honest- you are being extremely selfish. Looks like you think you are “owed” because of what you have done/paid for in the past. Glad you aren’t my Mum!

If you had just become a mum would you want to acknowledge your ‘qualification’ as a mum - especially as it was likely a struggle to get that honour? Try to be happy for her and, perhaps, stretch your Mother’s. Day by getting together with her another day and celebrating your and her day.....?

C, from your opener, I take it that your 'gifts' are not unconditional. Sad. For me, every day I see my children becomes my day. Unfortunately not half as often as I would like but they, like many others, work and manage young families constantly. Relax and try enjoying being a M and GM when the opportunity presents itself. I certainly do.

This is the first post I’ve ever read where every single poster is in accord, I’d be feeling a bit lonely if I was the OP! Perhaps that’s why she hasn’t responded.

This has to be a spoof letter. I struggle to believe that anybody could be THAT selfish toward their own child.

Polnan, Mothering Sunday is English. The recognition of Mother's Day - the second Sunday in MAY - came from America. The commercialism of both is driven by profit-sharing companies. Let's not blame now this on the Americans.

How sad of the OP to feel this way. We help our children if we are able, we don’t buy their attendance. My mother was like that expecting Mothers’ Day to be all about her all the time every year though we all had our families and our own responsibilities.
How lovely of your son-in-law to be making the day about his wife’s new status as a mum ceitdh

Well I’mafraid I agree with all the comments here. Her husband wants to celebrate His wife being a new mother and it’s wonderful experience the very first time acknowledging being a mum and dad on a special day.!! For years they have shared the day with you and now it’s their turn as the next generation to start their own traditions. You feel hard done by but there’s no need for it. You are still cherished by your family and daughter still will share part of the weekend with you. Ignore the fact you helped them in paying for the treatment. That cost should never be mentioned. Just enjoy the fact that you have a healthy lovely grandchild and a wonderful daughter who is agonising how to tell you her husband is taking her out as a new mother on Mothering Sunday.! You should be so happy that their marriage is so happy and joyful and so, go pick up the phone to call your daughter to arrange a place to meet on Saturday!! No more sulks be happy for them and all the family! You can do this I know because if you were not such a kind caring mum they wouldn’t ever come visit you or share these days with you!!! Chin up Grandma to a wonderful new baby!! Xx

Now your daughter is a mother it’s her time too to be spoilt , you should be happy her husband cares and wants to do something special for her I think that’s lovely . Does it really matter if you see her on the Saturday surely any time spent with our children should be cherished just because this day has a label it doesn’t make it any different to another day . I actually get more pleasure from a random date with my children than one that is commercial and expected

Never celebrated Mother's day, my kids brought up to think it is a load of commercial nonsense!
I know they love me.

This is an American invention.

I love America,, and most Americans,, but come on.

we make too much of this sort of stuff, imo

yes, I can understand you feeling a bit deflated.. but does it really matter? I have two sons, two dils.. and yes, I think they remind their husbands, my sons to send a card..

sometimes flowers,,, but I like to think that my ds and dils
think of me every day of the year, not just one ,designated by some ????