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Mothers Day

(216 Posts)
Ceitdh Tue 03-Mar-20 12:47:06

My daughters always go for lunch with me on mothers day have down for years. My youngest daughter brings her son with her. However my eldest daughter has just had a baby and has said this year she is going out with her husband and baby for dinner as he is treating her as its her first mothers day. I feel very upset by this i give and do everything for them i even paid for the ivf. I feel he could have taken her out the saturday. She hasnt told me yet as my youngest informed me but she will. Apparantly wants to see me the saturday instead. But i feel mothers day is for spending with your mother not your husband. I dont want to upset her by causing an argument but im also very upset. Thoughts?

Grandmafrench Tue 03-Mar-20 13:01:25

At some stage surely it has to be about sharing - and that's normally once Daughters become Mothers themselves. A bit like Christmas, you're very lucky if. you think that the traditions and gatherings over which you presided as parents for so many years will just continue without change and forever, without sons and daughters wanting to create Christmases of their own. Sounds as if your Daughters have always thought of your feelings about this particular Day, and now one of them is clearly worried that her plan is going to upset you. Can you not talk about it and arrange something or things which will suit everyone? Hope it works out for all of you.

tanith Tue 03-Mar-20 13:02:42

But husband wants to make a fuss of her as a new Mum to their child that's fair enough surely? I see no good reason for you to be so upset, family dynamics change just go with it and be happy your daughter has a caring partner.

SalsaQueen Tue 03-Mar-20 13:07:10

It's your daughter's 1st time as a mother herself, so it's natural that it's special for her. Her husband sounds very caring. You've had years of being with your daughters on Mother's Day. Why can't you be gracious and accept seeing her on the Saturday?

NfkDumpling Tue 03-Mar-20 13:10:32

Its her first Mother’s Day and if your DD had to go through IVF to get her baby, that is one very special baby and this will be a very special day for them. You’re now the grandmother and its time to take a back seat. Time to move your Mother’s Day outing.

All my DC are parents themselves. My DDs and DiL will be being fed a time consuming breakfast in bed made by my DGC. They won’t have time to think about lunch with me or their mother’s in law. I feel happy now to get a card. Or, from my son, maybe a last minute text when DiL has reminded him!

FlexibleFriend Tue 03-Mar-20 13:20:24

I think you're being very selfish to think she could celebrate her first Mothers day on another day just so that you can celebrate your umpteenth Mothers day on Mothers day.

crazyH Tue 03-Mar-20 13:20:25

NikDumpling, that's so like my sons ......they have to be reminded about these special dates, by their wives. My are mothers themselves and they have got their own mothers, as one daughterinlaw rather tactlessly reminded me. I will be fitted in somewhere, either before or after Mother's Day. My daughter is divorced and has teenage children so we'll probably do something together. At one time, special days meant a lot to me, not any more.

Marilla Tue 03-Mar-20 13:28:47

You have had years of having your daughter on the actual day and now it is time for her to enjoy her own first Mother’s Day.
She has opted to see you on Saturday. I cannot see a problem.

My daughter work in the NHS on 12 hour shift patterns and we always arrange a time which fits in around her work. Never, been an issue between us. It doesn’t have to be on the Sunday.

I’m afraid I find your attitude to be very selfish and all about you. You should be thanking the heavens that your daughter has through the IVF got her own child and will be able to celebrate the day with her lovely husband and baby.

GrannyGravy13 Tue 03-Mar-20 13:29:16

Since our AC have become parents, we all go out for lunch/dinner or one of them "hosts" GrandpaGravy and myself on the Saturday before Mothers Day.

This leaves AC free to spend Mothers Day with their own children and partners.

They have their own families, and I do not need a special day to know that they love and appreciate me.

NfkDumpling Tue 03-Mar-20 13:30:00

A thought. If, as you wish, your DD spends Mother’s Day with you, and your SiL spends Mother’s Day with his mother. Who will mind the baby?

eazybee Tue 03-Mar-20 13:35:40

She is a mother now and her new family is setting their own traditions, and you must accept this.
Perhaps in later years you can all celebrate together.
What happens to the husband of your other daughter; is he excluded?

SueDonim Tue 03-Mar-20 13:47:29

It’s time for you to step back and allow your daughter to celebrate her new role as a mother. Why would you not take pleasure in that, especially as it appears to have been a struggle for her to get there?

Chances are, I won’t see any of my four children on MD but that doesn’t mean I don’t think they’ll be thinking of me.

Susan56 Tue 03-Mar-20 14:04:35

We will celebrate Mothers Day with my mum midweek when it is quieter as she isnt great with busy places anymore.
Both my daughters are mums so I will leave it up to them if I see them on the day or if we all get together another day.
My dad was a pilot so as a child I was used to celebrating special occasions when he was home not necessarily on the day.My parents called these days moveable feasts!
I think the fact your daughter has planned something on the Saturday for you is lovely.

Smileless2012 Tue 03-Mar-20 14:10:31

Your D's first mother's day as a mum Ceitdh, just let her enjoy it with her husband and baby and look forward to seeing her the day before.

lostinfrance Tue 03-Mar-20 14:10:40

At some point in time the arrangements are bound to change.

I have always tried to spend some part of the day with my mother - however DH also has a mother. Our two mothers live a 2 hour drive apart. So who gets missed out?

I am also a mother. In past years I have often hosted both mother and mother in law. This meant me spending a lot of my day cooking and clearing away.

So when is it my turn to be pampered?

kittylester Tue 03-Mar-20 14:21:05

I enjoy Mothers day as all my children do their own thing and DH and I have a peaceful day on our own!!

Seriously, I have had plenty of turns at it being my day - it's their turn now!

Kalu Tue 03-Mar-20 14:32:26

We call them moveable celebrations in our family.

Both DDs show me love and kindness throughout the the year so as DD1 is a mother herself now I get pleasure knowing our two GDs now have their turn to spoil their mummy as my girls did. I receive cards and flowers from both DDs and I am touched by their thoughtfulness.

Firstly, your other DD should not be telling you her sister’s business. Something I never approved of or allowed.

If my DD had required IVF to allow her the joy of having her own baby I would be so over the moon for her, regardless of the fact I may have funded her treatment. A thank you from both parents is all I would need.

I know how happy it makes me having a loving SiL as yours appears to be, making Mother’s Day so special for his DW after all she has been through shows a very caring person who just wants to highlight for her the fact she is a mother now.

Let her enjoy the day she deserves and be pleased you were a main figure in making it possible.

TrendyNannie6 Tue 03-Mar-20 14:38:19

I think you are being very unreasonable expecting your dd to spend her first Mother’s Day with you , dynamics have changed she has her first baby it’s natural that she wants to spend her day with her husband and their baby! It’s their little family day, why can’t you be happy for them,

Yennifer Tue 03-Mar-20 14:51:25

It's her first ever mothers day after struggling to become a mother at all! This day isn't just for you, and you get 2 mother days to make up for it, sounds great to me x

felice Tue 03-Mar-20 14:58:58

My SIL works very long hours and I am pleased to step back and let him and my DGS spoil DD for the day.
I can see her every day if I wish and am delighted to see her happy.
Time to step back I think, it is not all about you.

Chewbacca Tue 03-Mar-20 15:07:49

You've had your turn Ceitdh, it's your daughters turn now. Be pleased for her; she's a first time mum with a husband who clearly loves her enough to want to make a special day of it for her. Just because she won't be spending the actual day with you doesn't mean that you're any less her mum. Do something together the day before perhaps, but be happy for your daughter.

Greymar Tue 03-Mar-20 15:15:37

Dear me, are you well? Are your family well? Her husband wants to treat her? That sounds lovely. Stop sulking and go and visit a gallery or go for a walk that say.

sodapop Tue 03-Mar-20 15:37:31

Sorry Ceitdh I agree with everyone else, it's your daughter's turn to enjoy Mothering Sunday now. You have had many lovely days with your girls now it's their turn, don't spoil it for them.

Yennifer Tue 03-Mar-20 15:43:20

Mothers day is also very special for children, especially younger ones x

rosenoir Tue 03-Mar-20 15:56:10

Saying you paid for the IVF is rather telling, it did not need mentioning,and makes it sound that as you paid for it you expect your needs to come before your daughter in laws.

Be happy that your daughter in law can celebrate mothers day as a mother herself.