Mothers Day

Ceitdh
Rather then giving an opinion, as you've been given enough of those already, I am going to make a suggestion.

You said that your elder daughter hasn't told you yet, that it was your other daughter that has mentioned this. That suggests to me that your elder daughter might be agonising over how to tell you, worried about how you will react.

My suggestion is that instead of waiting for her to raise the subject, you approach her instead, saying that now she is a mum herself, you realize that things are different, and it's time to change things. You could tentatively suggest doing something the day before instead (which I think is what you have been told she would like to do anyway?)
Show what a good mum you are by not making an issue of something that really isn't a big deal in the scheme of things.

I don’t do Mother’s Day. Only acknowledged it when our children were at school and made cards.

I am sorry but you really do need to rethink your expectations.
You have had your DDs for a long time and now they have their own families.

Congratulations on the birth of your grandchild which will bring much joy to the family. Mothers day is just another day really, a card, phone call etc., should be just as welcoming, don't fret over it, let your daughter enjoy her new status as a mum!

ceitdh I know you have not heard what you perhaps expected to hear from this thread but it’s been said to help you feel better about the situation and to see it through different eyes
Do come back and tell us if you can look at it from a different perspective now and see your daughters outing in a different light
I do hope so

Years ago, my family used to go out for Mother's Day lunch as a very big group, with my parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles, and cousins! It was our tradition. But when the younger family members started to have their own children, they began to have their own little family traditions. Things can't stay the same forever. Your DD and SiL have a much longed for baby, and it's your DD's first Mother's Day ... let her spend it with her husband and baby, and tell her she deserves it, and to have a wonderful day. You can still enjoy spending time with her on the Saturday ... it's just one day, and it doesn't mean she's being disrespectful, or not thinking of your feelings. Please don't upset her over this, it's not worth it.

Ceitdh
You put the lie to the assumption that it's the younger generation that it's all about me me me.

I just wonder why it’s ok for her to be treated on a day other than actual Mother’s Day but not you. Are you more deserving or more of a mother than her? I think you need to dig deep and really think about why You think your needs should come Before hers. Sorry if that’s blunt, I just found your post really insulting.

OP say nothing at all! Let it go! Lovely your SIL wants to take her out.

But ceidth this daughter is not a daughter first any more but a Mother first now and should be taken out by HER Family You do not take precedence over her any more You have had many years of being the matriarch now it’s her turn

I don’t want to be harsh to you but you asked for our thoughts, you obviously see things through different eyes but you are being very selfish and very unreasonable
Stop the pettiness and enjoy the day whatever it brings forth and think how lucky you’ve been all these years, encourage your daughter to start their own celebrations and if your other daughter wants to spend it with her own family unit accept a card and some flowers (if you’re lucky) and get on with your own life
You don’t own your children or their lives

Have to agree with all the other replies, just be pleased her husband is being so thoughtful, and enjoy the time you spend with her on the Saturday,

Totally agree with rosenoir post

It's a good few years since I spent Mothering Sunday with DD due to distance and her work commitments.
I will get a card or text. That's fine by me. It's just another day really.
DS will be here as he still lives at home.

Since my daughters have become mothers, I expect to take second place to whatever they are doing with their own nuclear family. There are also mothers in law to be taken into account of too. I have never made a fuss about this.

Last year, they booked tickets for all to see a show which was weeks after the actual day. To be honest, I expect them to treat me well as their mother all the time, not especially on one specific day.

The reality is that when young women become mothers themselves it’s their turn to be treated on Mother’s Day. Looking back I can’t remember giving my own mum too much thought myself in those days, sometimes she was quick to complain! I was just glad as a weary young mum to be the recipient of some TLC myself! Fast forward 40+ years and it’s now my daughters who appreciate the TLC. Funnily enough I’ve just spent a few hours sorting through old greetings cards etc and have been touched at some of the lovely messages some going back over 40 years. For me it’s time to remember the past with gratitude and look to the future with enthusiasm. I hope you’re able to do the same OP.

I don't think it will help how you feel about this situation by indignantly ruminating on the fact that you give and do everything for them, even paying for their IVF. I'm sure this is wholly appreciated by them both, however they have their own precious little family now and this year at least, wish to congratulate themselves privately.
I'm in the same situation, first time Grandma last year. My son and his wife have opted to do likewise and honestly, I wish them a lovely lunch.

Saying you paid for the IVF is rather telling, it did not need mentioning,and makes it sound that as you paid for it you expect your needs to come before your daughter in laws.

Be happy that your daughter in law can celebrate mothers day as a mother herself.

Mothers day is also very special for children, especially younger ones x

Sorry Ceitdh I agree with everyone else, it's your daughter's turn to enjoy Mothering Sunday now. You have had many lovely days with your girls now it's their turn, don't spoil it for them.

Dear me, are you well? Are your family well? Her husband wants to treat her? That sounds lovely. Stop sulking and go and visit a gallery or go for a walk that say.

You've had your turn Ceitdh, it's your daughters turn now. Be pleased for her; she's a first time mum with a husband who clearly loves her enough to want to make a special day of it for her. Just because she won't be spending the actual day with you doesn't mean that you're any less her mum. Do something together the day before perhaps, but be happy for your daughter.

My SIL works very long hours and I am pleased to step back and let him and my DGS spoil DD for the day.
I can see her every day if I wish and am delighted to see her happy.
Time to step back I think, it is not all about you.

It's her first ever mothers day after struggling to become a mother at all! This day isn't just for you, and you get 2 mother days to make up for it, sounds great to me x

I think you are being very unreasonable expecting your dd to spend her first Mother’s Day with you , dynamics have changed she has her first baby it’s natural that she wants to spend her day with her husband and their baby! It’s their little family day, why can’t you be happy for them,

We call them moveable celebrations in our family.

Both DDs show me love and kindness throughout the the year so as DD1 is a mother herself now I get pleasure knowing our two GDs now have their turn to spoil their mummy as my girls did. I receive cards and flowers from both DDs and I am touched by their thoughtfulness.

Firstly, your other DD should not be telling you her sister’s business. Something I never approved of or allowed.

If my DD had required IVF to allow her the joy of having her own baby I would be so over the moon for her, regardless of the fact I may have funded her treatment. A thank you from both parents is all I would need.

I know how happy it makes me having a loving SiL as yours appears to be, making Mother’s Day so special for his DW after all she has been through shows a very caring person who just wants to highlight for her the fact she is a mother now.

Let her enjoy the day she deserves and be pleased you were a main figure in making it possible.