Disturbed Granddaughter

Children don't react like this for nothing. There is something bothering her and it is just a matter of finding out what. I hate to ask this but is there a possible chance that someone (possibly adult) might have done something that has unsettled her. I know that somebody I know had the same sort of thing, took her child out of school because it got so bad and then some years later it all came out about what her very trusted, respectable family member had done to her. The police were called and it has opened up a whole can of worms about children he has been in contact with. You think it won't ever happen to you and yours but, sadly, it does.
Of course, it doesn't have to be as bad as anything like that and it could be a realisation that people die or get sick so she is having trouble getting her head round the fact that it is unlikely her Mum will. Very bright children often struggle with these kind of thoughts.

Your GD probably started school about the time GS arrived on the scene. Perhaps she is realising she doesn't have Mummy as much as she did. A day for DD and GD to be together, just by themselves may help GD know her Mummy is there for her. Or, the coronavirus news is everywhere. Schools are teaching children to wash hands, perhaps GD has become a bit fearful and needs reassurance hence wanting her Mummy. If GD won't open up about why she is upset all the time the school should refer to a professional counsellor. Do hope situation is resolved soon.

Your granddaughter is frightened. Your daughter is her primary care giver and the person your granddaughter will turn to at a time of fear as she is where her main attachment lies. She is scared of something and if it's not bullying, and it's not that she feels she is being pushed out by her little brother, then it's likely she's seen, heard, or even dreamt of something very, very scary. This is the point where your daughter needs to give her the time she needs just to find out the problem and it may be that Patsy429 has hit the nail on the head - she may think mummy might not come back from work - if she's watching news of people wearing face masks this will also frighten her.

Has any of her friends lost their mum or someone close to them.

Where is her little brother when Mummy is at work? Has he maybe started nursery or been unsettled with his child carer and it has rubbed off of her? It must be something that happened about 3 weeks ago and all the suggestions are very possible. I think having a special mummy time is great and might help - needn't be all day just a special time together - walk on the beach/woods. Going for a hot chocolate. And perhaps not have the news on when she is around - or discuss things in the car. My DGS is also 6 and listens to everything adults talk about! He also has spells when he is jealous of his 3 year old sister but is vey articulate about it "How come I have to go to school for 6 million hours and * gets to stay at home? And I have to do 20 thousand boring things every day like numbers, literature and gym for the rest of my life!" He is prone to exaggerating! It is so hard when they don't know how to tell you what is wrong.

Are you sure that this behaviour is not in some way connected to the adoption of the little boy?

Sounds to me as this clinging to mummy is sibling jealousy and perhaps a fear that Mummy doesn't love her any more.

Those who suggest that she has misunderstood something about the corona virus or just death as a phenomen may well be right too.

Explain gently to her that the law of the land requires her to go to school ( I know you can home school, but let's not get into that) and tell her how worried you all are about this, so she really must tell you what is wrong.

Tricky one. Since the school are being so helpful would they allow a little object or scarf for example that is Mummy's. Maybe whoever picks up at home time could establish some hand over that doesn't involve talking in front of the little girl, and be all cheery if possible.

One of my DGC was like this at about the same age, she would cry and say she didn't want to go to school or had a 'tummy ache' and didn't want to go.
It could be a friendship thing, they do seem to switch and swap allegiances or it could be that someone is being unkind. One of the new boys was being nasty to DGD, however, a couple of years on they get on well.

Some quite young children are also frightened that the planet is dying and think that we will all be dead soon.
A downside of Greta Thunberg's passionate speeches. DD tells me that some fairly young children she has heard of have been so terrified by this they had to have counselling.

It sounds as if no sooner had your new DGS arrived that DGD started school and that can cause anxiety,wondering what fun Mummy and new DGS could be having whilst she is at school.

As others suggested, some one to one time with mum might be a good idea.

I'd guess that either she's being bullied (by other children or the staff/teacher) or she lacks friends during playtime. Has your daughter been misled by the school's 'nice' public image? Has she invited classmates for parties, tea or outings? They may be sources of information.

My eldest disliked school, when he started, aged four and nine months. It was only a decade later that another parent told me his (pregnant) teacher was cruel to the quiet ones.

I'd been reassured by the fact that the other kids came out looking happy. Staff seemed so friendly.

I'd dismissed his 'Teacher hit me today' as him just being clingy and wanting sympathy. I'll never forgive myself or be trusting again. I let him down badly.

Reception year goes well - but they often find year one a bit of a shock. The novelty of a new brother has worn off and a bit of sibling rivelry may have crept in, and they are also so effected by things they overhear. I do hope you get to the bottom of it. It is heartbreaking when they get so upset.

Is it possible your grand-daughter is simply tired if she is a bad sleeper? I help with the 5 and 6 year olds at my local school and its a crucial year for learning and a big step up from reception. Its a wonderfully caring school, but they still have to cover all of the national curriculum, and its demanding. It would be very easy for a child to drift through reception being quite weary, but hard in year one. When I work in the afternoon some of the children are really tired and yawning away through their guided reading. You dont say if bedtimes are strictly enforced, but maybe lots of cuddles and stories from mummy in a long wind down to bed might help. What happened at half term, did the problem go away?

My granddaughter aged about 5 suddenly began to wonder what would happen if Mummy should die. (Mummy was a single parent)

She asked me, and I said "You would come and live with me. You've got your room and some toys at my house. I would look after you."

But she had clearly been thinking it through because she said "Yes, but I don't know how to get to your house", so I said I would come and pick her up, and then she wanted to know what would happen about her toys and then the family cat ..... and so it went on until she had brought up all her worries about losing Mummy.

After that, she was fine.

On the other hand, it may be that OP's granddaughter thinks that Mummy is having a lovely time with little brother while she is at school, and she feels she is missing out. She had to cope with 2 major life events within just a few months, didn't she?

Sometimes it's one little thing that can upset a young child, maybe some extra cuddles xx

Poor little kids with a denanding curriculum at 5/6/ What on earth are we doing to these children?

Children often can't express their worries.
I remember being worried sick when at chapel and the minister said 'and may we remain in the house of the Lord forever '
I wanted to go home, not stay there forever!
I also remember saying to my oldest grandson when his mum went to hospital to have his brother that he'd come and stay with me. Luckily he said 'but can I see mummy sometimes?' He took it he'd be with me forever!
Your grandchild might also have worked out their adopted sibling doesn't see his mummy and thinks it might happen to them.They don't understand why a child can't see their mummy. She's unsettled by something that's been said or happened.
Good luck in trying to find out.....

Maybe like someone has already written she needs more one on one time with her Mum. If there is no obvious reasons from school, sounds like she is feeling a little insecure. It's got to be difficult for a child to express their feelings and she's had to adjust to her new brother adopted 15 months ago.
As much as parents are told to be open with children maybe it has been confusing for her and she could be wondering if their be any more toddlers joining the family. She sounds as though she needs lots of reassurances.

Thank you all so much for your advice and suggestions.

I think that her parents are doing all they can to alleviate the situation, but to no avail. My granddaughter certainly gets extra time with Mummy now - so much so, that she has said that she is worried that she is neglecting the little boy. (He, bless him, is so easy-going and amiable, that it doesn't seem to be affecting him.)

During half-term I had the children for two days. (And during term-time I pick them up from nursery/school two days a week, and look after them until parents finish work. On the other three days, one parent finishes work early.) On one of the half-term days, my granddaughter had a 'crying episode' and just would not be comforted. During this time, my daughter just happened to 'phone to check on the children, and granddaughter - through her tears - shouted out, "Tell Mummy I'm crying." This made me wonder if she is deliberately trying to upset her mum in some way ...? Maybe it's an attention thing. (But then, crying throughout the day at school doesn't seem to support this idea.) And she gets so much attention, anyway.

She has been questioned gently, but throughly, about bullying, friends, and has someone asked her 'to do something that's she's not happy about', etc. We're no wiser! All we get is, 'I want my Mummy'. (There could not be anyone 'interfering' with her - either at school or home - she is never out of sight of a carer - teachers, parents and grandparents.)

We are at a loss at what to do next. I suggested that Daddy takes her to school - just to change the routine - hoping it will change what has now become a habit. They are going to try that tomorrow.

Fingers crossed!

I have four children, all older now with children of their own. I found they loved school in the early days, but early mornings, a change in routine, making friends all became too much once reality sets in. With lots of love and support, they do get used to things.. just sometimes takes a little while.

Years ago a friend's daughter started crying and getting upset at playschool.
That upset my daughter so we had to take them on different days.
Nobody could get to the bottom of why the friend's daughter was so upset.
My friend was so worried.

Eventually the little girl said, "But mummy, if I cry the teacher sits me on her lap..."