sons and their wives

there is not much detail, so it's hard to comment.
sorry you have gone through this, it must be distressing.
what was your relationship with your son like while he was younger, before his wife.
is he normally abusive/ rude in his speech.
did this happen in front of the wife, if so, what was her attitude.
there does often seem to be tension or lack of closeness between mothers and sons with wives.

Good grief!!! How is it the DiL’s fault??
lavazza I don’t know why your son was abusive to you.

But casting blame is never a good idea in any situation. It just makes you the victim and powerless to change anything.

In answer to your question, with out knowing someone’s family dynamics it is not possible to pass an opinion on the right & wrongs of the situation, but best wishes to you , hopefully things will improve .

There is an Old ( hence the wording) saying that says:

When you have a daughter you have a daughter for life, but if you have a son you only have a son until he takes a wife.

PLEASE don't trot out that ridiculous saying about a son only being your son until he marries!!!!

Not much detail there Lavazzalst so we can only guess your situation. There's always a kind of barrier between the wife and the mother - however super friendly the two women are. I didn't care for my MIL (she was a cow from the start) and when DSon married I determined to be friendly and non-interfering towards my DIL.
Having watched Harry and Meghan I've seen how a son can be turned away from his mother (though in that case its Her Maj). I wouldn't blame your ex, rather look to your DIL's behaviour because I think your son is trying to prove to her that he is not influenced by you, and that he is not under your thumb.
He's gone over the top by the sound of things and has hurt you dreadfully.
I don't think he's followed his father's misogyny, I think its nurture that's the culprit but not by you - by his wife.