Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

Grandson cries when he sees me

(22 Posts)
newmimi Fri 20-Mar-20 13:10:29

Hello all! I am new to this forum! I have my first grandson and he is 4 months old. I have been with him almost everyday for a little bit(my daughter loves 5 minutes away). He always laughed and smiled when I was around, but 3 weeks ago I took a week long cruise and now every time he sees me he cries and tense up. I have been going over every other day but nothing has changed he wants nothing to do with me..... help what can I do?

Doodle Fri 20-Mar-20 13:13:22

Nothing. It is a phase. Most children go through it. Don’t push it, don’t rush in to cuddle or hug just sit quietly and let him come to you which he will do in his own time. It is just a period of new awareness. Perhaps have a toy that squeaks or something in your hand to show to him.

pollyperkins Fri 20-Mar-20 13:15:59

Agree with Doodle!

Eglantine21 Fri 20-Mar-20 14:22:45

Congratulations, his brain is developing perfectly! Before three or four months any old person will do as long as they provide food, warmth and safety.

Now he’s aware that people are separate entities and has a preference.

A few weeks and he’ll change again😁

newmimi Fri 20-Mar-20 15:12:04

I really hope it's sooner rather than later, I really miss his smiles sad

Grammaretto Fri 20-Mar-20 16:00:45

Yes that's what it is. Some children are more sensitive than others though so you may not have noticed this with your own.

It was my number 3 who was "strange" around everyone from about 6 months. It was so bad he wouldn't leave me or go to anyone else - except his dad but I had to take him everywhere with me for months. (sorry yes it went on) Luckily he was very good and easy company.
Congratulations on becoming a grandma. .

Newatthis Fri 20-Mar-20 16:36:41

I have a long distance relationship, via Facetime, with my toddler grandchild who is 2 1/2 so therefore cherish this time. However, sometimes she won't even come to the screen to speak or say hello. My daughter gets a little hurt, as do I, but this is just another phase. In fact, my daugher calles her a two-nager, which is a great name to describe the terrible 2's. I think they go through many stages as our children did and I guess we can't do anything about it as painful as it is.

endlessstrife Fri 20-Mar-20 16:38:15

He’ll be fine, don’t worry. My granddaughter went away for a week, and wasn’t sure when she came back, around 8 months old. All my grandchildren ebb in and out. Sometimes they want cuddles all the time, others they barely notice we’re there! They still tell us they love us❤️. Congratulations on your little grandson, and hope you both develop a great relationship.

newmimi Fri 20-Mar-20 17:12:15

THANKS everyone, truly hope this phase ends soon and he comes back around so I can spend time with him. Feel a little better now.

Elegran Fri 20-Mar-20 17:32:27

Didn't your own children do this at about that age, newmimi ?

Welshwife Fri 20-Mar-20 17:40:18

I was very close to my first DGS and saw him every day - when he was about 20 months old I went to OZ for five weeks - initially he was looking out for me all the time - DD noticed because he got excited if he saw anyone who looked a bit like me.
When I got back he would not come near me - he sat on my sofa between his parents and just studied me. I took no notice and include him in the conversation when suitable - eventually after half hour or so he suddenly got down and came and gave me a hug!
Worry not - it is a phase and all will be well.

Pnwmama1515 Fri 20-Mar-20 20:51:03

My son went through this "phase" but it lasted 15 months with my mother in law. She was very pushy and overbearing towards him and he didn't like it. My best advice is to let him come to you. Doodle said it best. Also, he's only 4 months old, he's just now starting to realize he's in a big world and its not as small as he once thought it was. At this age they tend to only want their parents, especially their mothers. Give it time and patience!

GoldenAge Sat 21-Mar-20 10:06:20

newmimi - at this time you should be self-isolating anyway - I don't know your age but you have returned from a cruise on a huge container of bugs so the most responsible thing to do is to keep away from your daughter and baby grandson. I realise this will be very hard for you - however, this might be the way forward because if you start to communicate with your daughter via facetime or skype or some other platform and she has your baby grandson on her lap he will see you in a controlled environment and at least get used to you again. None of us knows when we should be visiting family now. My own daughter lives five minutes away from me and is dropping food off at our door - so I see her physically from a distance. If you are not confined to home because you're under 70 and have no underlying conditions, maybe you could just take a walk there and stay at her front door for 10 minutes. It's a question of short exposure to your grandson. Good luck.

HappyGrandmother Sat 21-Mar-20 10:33:14

My Granddaughter - 9yrs old - often doesn't want to talk to even her loving parents. We as adults don't always feel like talking to folk, kids are no different yet we expect them to be.

Mebd Sat 21-Mar-20 10:33:36

Dont worry! Our latest granddaughter used to cling to her mother and scream every time she saw us coming! She is now absolutely fine with us.

Theoddbird Sat 21-Mar-20 10:34:57

Should you still be seeing him in these times?

inishowen Sat 21-Mar-20 10:49:21

Dont worry. It will pass. Dont try to cuddle him or make any approach. In fact, show no interest. We looked after my granddaughter from babyhood. She was fine with me but cried every time her granddad looked at her. I couldn't even leave the room. It passed when he began uploading Peppa Pig on his laptop. She wanted to watch too so ended up sitting on his knee. Shes 8 now and granddad is the bees knees.

grandtanteJE65 Sat 21-Mar-20 11:56:57

A week is a very long time to a four month old baby, he has simply forgotten who you are, while you were away.

As the otheres say, it will pass, so just enjoy your grandson and don't worry.

Bluegrass Sat 21-Mar-20 12:51:51

Yes, very normal. It is the phase where they really know their parent's faces. When they see a different face they are confused and a little frightened that mama/papa have gone away or changed. Persevere with a gentle approach.

Tillybelle Sat 21-Mar-20 17:09:32

What Doodle said!

Tillybelle Sat 21-Mar-20 17:10:22

P.S. In the covid-19 state, should you perhaps keep away?

crazyH Sat 21-Mar-20 17:18:01

Yes I agree - I think we should keep away for everyone's sake - FaceTime is a great way to connect, at least till this crisis is over. We have just done a Family Group FaceTime and it was nice though Ofcourse, not the same as seeing them in person.