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Should I meet my mum, 66yrs age and lives alone

(135 Posts)
Eglantine21 Tue 21-Apr-20 11:33:11

Your mum sounds depressed and depressed people are often quite self-centred and demanding. Often doing as they want just leads to another demand because it doesn’t help the real, underlying problem.

You should only do what you feel comfortable with. In present circumstances your mum is asking you to do something that would endanger her and your family. I would be worried about going to the window because I think she will come out to you.

Having had a close relative with mental health problems one of the hardest things I had to do was admit that I could not help, it was beyond me and that she needed someone with much more expertise and understanding of her illness than me.

When people are ill they are not themselves and don’t always see things clearly.
?

vampirequeen Tue 21-Apr-20 11:24:54

What was your mam like before lockdown? Was she controlling? If she was then maybe this is more controlling behaviour but if this is new then you have to take this change into account.

Hithere Tue 21-Apr-20 11:13:40

Btw, you have bigger problems than going on a walk with your mom now.

You feel responsible for her and she doesnt seem to have any hobbies or activities to fill up her life.
Are you and your sister her social life?

CherryCezzy Tue 21-Apr-20 11:12:42

Send her, or provide a link to, a virtual walk and talk to her on the phone whilst "doing" the walk together.

grandMattie Tue 21-Apr-20 11:12:28

Don't go there. She is obviously very controlling. 66 is no age at all. Face time, call her, etc., but don't let her bully you into going against your husband, and let's face it, your own wishes. The fact that she has no hobbies or friends is absolutley not your fault. Believe me, i've been there with my own parents, and it really isn't worth it!

vampirequeen Tue 21-Apr-20 11:11:59

It sounds as if your mam is ill. Laying on the sofa all day is not normal behaviour. She sounds as if she needs help. You can't meet up for a walk in the park but you could have a conversation through the window. She can see you and your son without coming into contact with either of you. It may help her if she can see you in person. Do you live far from her?

Blinko Tue 21-Apr-20 11:09:03

Seems to me you're sticking by the rules for your own and your child's safety but also for the safety of your Mum.

Is there emotional blackmail going on here?

I don't think you should beat yourself up over your Mum's evident lack of self reliance.

Hithere Tue 21-Apr-20 11:08:09

No!
Videochat instead

FlyingHandbag Tue 21-Apr-20 11:06:10

No! You absolutely cannot! FaceTime her like the rest of the world has to do.

Cplj Tue 21-Apr-20 10:59:27

She is really struggling- calling me every other day crying saying anxiety and blood pressure are up.. she wants to meet me and my 1.5 yr old son and go for a walk in the park, I feel the pressure massively - my brother lives in US and is saying he sees no problem meeting her - she has been to my sisters and stayed for one night also but seems more drawn to meeting me.. my husband has made it very clear he doesn’t want her staying at the house or seeing her.. she thinks he is being controlling- a few things going on here. I called age uk for advice but they can’t make the decision. My mum hardly has any interests and lays on the sofa most of the day. She infuriates me massively and yet I feel the responsibility.