Should I meet my mum, 66yrs age and lives alone

I agree Franbern.

It is not against any law for people to go for a walk in the local park. And, if you happen to see someone you know there, there is no law against you having a chat - staying at least two metres away from each other.
Do not think a lot of people really understand how dreadful this loneliness can be, and desperate need to just actually to see and talk to someone else.
I am really horrified as to the total lack of any sort of empathy from so many posters.....also people (with little or no knowledge_ so quick to judge and come in with words like depressed - yes, most of us are depressed, not clinically so.
Technology as wonderful as it is does not quite cut it for me. My whole family had one 'all=in together Zone meet=up, all five of my children, their partners and all the g.children and me. It was nice, but somehow, it actually emphasised to me how times have changed. I am not keen on repeating this. I still prefer a phone call to a email message and skype is fine for me to talk to me younger g.children, but do not really like this for adults.
A weekly phone chat with my children (all of whom, but one live some distance away), is lovely - but my once a week proper chat with the one who lives nearby in the local park is a life-line. We do not touch, or come close to each other, but it is good to see and talk in the flesh so as to speak
Think this is what the original posters Mum wants, and can see no good reason for her not to have it -no different (as has been said), of standing at the bottom of the front garden and chatting.
Too many people on here who seem to mis-understand the reasons behind the rules for social distancing and what social distancing means.
I have hear of people who are 'shielding' being scared of going out into their own quite large gardens 'in case their neighbours report them'.
We really need to keep a good sense of perspective in these times, as in all times and to remember that humans are social animals.

Please don’t be tempted. My dad is seriously ill in hospital with COVID. We have no idea how he caught is as they have been isolating for weeks. My own mom is struggling with all this on her own. It’s hard but better that than lose her.

Cplj, how upsetting for you. I'm 66 and on my own (recently bereaved) too - yet I see my role as reassuring my family, not adding to their stress.

Your mum should contact her GP. She may need antidepressants. Do not meet her. I'm sure that she's just not thinking straight. Phone or FaceTime instead and stick to your guns.

I think I've had enough of amateur psychology kwest, what with toxic, sociopath and narcissist being bandied about as excuses to cast people aside. At the end of the day I think we're all just doing the best we can with whatever qualities God or nature (according to one's beliefs) put us on earth with.

Look up the definition of narcissist. Your mother seems to fit that description very well.

No she's not selfish, she's just coping in her own way like we all are. The best way to handle any of this sort of conflict is to simply listen to the government guidelines. It makes the situation much easier when we can simply say to people like that "sorry that would be against the law" when they want a visit or whatever. If she can't cope with the law being the law then she'll need to find some other way to get help for that, like speaking to her GP about getting something to make her feel calmer.

If you or your son caught the virus from your mother who is seeing her other daughter (your sister) who may have caught it from someone when she shops...would your mother feel guilty...or would she moan that she had no-one to talk to as you lay on a ventilator fighting for your life?
Your mother sounds an unthinking selfish... person. Me me me.
Tell her to WhatsApp or explain how to do it...or Zoom if you must. She's far from being 'old' and is playing you like the proverbial violin.
If you like extending your chances of contracting a possibly deadly virus...then go.
If you are sensible and take into account your son and your husband, you will definitely but kindly tell her no.
Let her cry and play on your emotions regarding her health. She is ignoring the danger to you and your son and your husband and making any health issues of her own, worse.
Your mother seems self absorbed in her own wants and misery.
If this seems harsh, it's not. I've toned it down so as not to upset you.
Your mother needs to own her own state of mind and not ask you to compromise your and your family's health and possibly your lives.
She'd have no-one to ring then...would she?

I don't think you should call your Mum's GP, I don't think she has mental health problems, she is most likely just missing the freedom she had before the lockdown. Did you take your child to see her before this all started? If so then she must be missing seeing him. I agree that you shouldn't risk your son by taking him with you to see your Mum and she should understand this. Can you Facetime each other? My niece is badly missing her five grandchildren but she makes a Facebook post everyday for them and my Gt nieces and Gt nephew make sure they show it to their children who can then call Nanny up on the internet and chat to her.

I agree with Swan. If you are all self isolating then no problem walking if you are 6 feet apart. I am in week 7 and it's hard!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

How very sad for all concerned.
There6care ways you can see your mother at the same time keeping safe.

Get in touch with the NHS/RVS volunteer scheme, one of their tasks is to call people to make sure they are alright and if they have any concerns or needs that they can help with. I am a volunteer to make phone calls, but as yet not been given any task. Your mother's GP could refer her to the scheme also.

I'd meet her alone. Maybe park in some lot, even in the evening when hubby can watch your kid. You can both keep your distance and see her without making your kid upset.

I agree with boats on that one.

Boats, the problem is original posts from people seeking helpful ideas are sometimes not enough to give the whole picture. Compare Gransnet with a counselling session where the client is fortunate if they find a solution to their problem after as much as 50 minutes with a trained counsellor.

The advantage Gransnet has over counselling is the sheer variety of responses, often from older women with real experience of life problems. The original poster seeking help might get unexpected new and helpful ideas. As with any worthwhile discussion forum contributors need to be fairly thick skinned because it's not face to face and we cannot see the body language and facial expressions of others so responses accordingly may be muted when appropriate.

I understand what you’re saying Boats. I lurked for a while before I took the plunge. Gransnet isn’t like going to a specific group, where you’re all likely to be similar in the way you think and act. It’s a mixture of everybody....across the whole world....and if we all thought and acted the same, it’d be so dull. It can be hard sometimes, when people don’t accept other points of view, or find them hard to digest. You just have to do on here, what you’d do in real life....and just walk away, ignore. Don’t go...just hang around a bit, perhaps go to the more lighthearted threads, although at the moment, they’re probably thin on the ground. I think people are just stressed and worried, and they maybe don’t come across as well because of it. I feel very sad for this lady’s mother, but safety at the moment is paramount. Hope this helps.

Having read the above replies to Cplj's dilemma, I am now convinced Gransnet is no place for me. I joined, hoping I might be able to "chat" with some like-minded people, swap a few ideas and hints on the Grandmother theme and exchange some light-hearted banter. Not at all.
Instead, with a few exceptions I have found vitriol, judgement and unkindness, from reporting one's neighbours to criticising a person's actions or decisions.
Some of the above replies to Cplj actually sickened me. I quote, "Your mother needs counselling"
"Do not acknowledge her."
" Your mother is selfish and toxic."
"She is obviously very controlling."
"A very unhealthy relationship."
" It does sound as though she is depressed."
Perhaps a psychiatrist posted that last one!
Cplj, you asked for some advice and my goodness, did you get it! We need sensitivity and kindness in times of crisis and I find it sadly lacking here.
I sincerely hope you can sort out this dilemma, I really feel for you. I have an elderly Mum who is causing a few headaches for my sister and I and there are days when we don't know where to turn and we both end up in tears on the phone. Granted, she is a lot older than yours and just doesn't get this Coronavirus thing. But she is still our Mum and we would be horrified at some one describing her as toxic or controlling.
I don't know what to advise you as there are so many other factors in this case and you are pulled in so many directions. but I wish you well and hope you can sort things out. I will be thinking about you.
I will not be posting on here again. Clearly, I don't belong.

Why don’t you face time video call her on WhatsApp ? Maybe she just wants to feel connected and needs a visual. My mum is on her own and I can’t visit so I send loads texts , photos, let her share my life as in I’m growing tomatoes and I take photos how much they’ve grown every day , or what I’ve cooked, ask her opinion, involve her. It’s not too much effort but feels like contact. If she’s depressed she probably think everyone else is having a good time except her. I let my mum know it isn’t all fantastic just because I’m not on my own, and I let her know I’m busy sometimes which is why I’m not calling. But I do things mostly on my terms.

If your mother has a mobile get her connected with WhatsApp then you can talk and also see her every day for a live chat. My DiL works for the NHS with CV patients and has now been confirmed with the virus herself, as a family we followed all the govt rules, please- I beg you to follow the guidelines, don't meet family you don't live with.

Rules apart there are some harsh judgmental comments on here. Thank goodness a few, Narnia & joyfulnan to name two, have some heart. I am not advocating breaking rules as bonkers as they are. I don’t see either of my children or grandchildren in the flesh but have loads of virtual contact. Both OP and her mother need our sympathy but a bit of kindness could help. You can’t sort your mothers dependency problem, but you can do your best. Be firm but kind. Your mother is obviously bereft and there is no point blaming her, she will be driven to mental illness at this rate.

No. Absolutely not. I’m not even allowed out - not even for a walk- and live alone with no family. We just have to get on with it. To meet up is to put everyone at risk. Do it once and you’ll be expected to do it again and again.
I’m very concerned she has been to your sister’s and stayed over too.
Your mum has to abide by the rules, and so must you.
If she isn’t coping she needs to seek help and not put this pressure on you. Be kind, be supportive, but be firm.

Some very mean and nasty comments on here !!

Some very harsh comments on here.

What is the harm in having a walk in the park with your mother?
It’s perfectly ok to do that if you keep the correct distance apart.

The walk will do her good mentally and physically.

No one here can diagnose that the mum is not depressed, equally we can't say that she is depressed, but it does sound as if this is a possibility
OP you obviously can't have her visit but if you live near enough no reason why you couldn't meet 2 m apart for a wall in the park, My daughter visits, but doesn't come into the house and I keep over 2 mapart and sanitise things she touches, if your little lad was there that would not be easy, and you don't want him to be upset, a tantrum is not a sign of trying to control you, it's a sign that your little one has become overwhelmed by his feelings, and needs help to regulate his emotions, the sort of tantrum that much older children and adults can have is a very different thing, [although they can also have an overwhelmed tantrum]a toddler doesn't have a developed enough brain to do that, neuroscience and child development specialists acknowledge that, so just don't listen if anyone tries to tell you out of date stuff like that. Littleun won't understand, so that would be risky, what about using a back carry, IF you think your mum would stay away.
If you think your mum is depressed, that is actually an illness, and she would benefit from medical help, the WHO do consider that dealing with mental health issues is part of dealing with the pandemic. Does your mum see a nurse for any of her health needs, if so maybe letting the nurse know of your worries, might be a good idea, or dropping the doc a note with your worries, if she is on medication she will need reviews, and maybe that might be an opportunity to ask about her wellbeing, or ask age UK for advice, you will not be told of the outcomes of any such intervention though. depression makes life hard, and sometimes to help people have to be a bit proactive help others, and now is not an easy time to do so.
Siblings have their own opinions and do things differently, and you must do what you feel is right, harder with your husband, but we are not living in the 50s and I'm sure that if either of his parents is still alive you'd not be trying to tell him what to do unless it risked you and your child's safety.