Losing your looks

Everyone says smile, but that is when I look at my worst because of loss of flesh round the mouth - I look like a skeleton when I smile - I even frighten myself when I do it in the mirror!!!

But........in many ways I do not care to be honest. There is nothing I can do about it, and I work on the principle that if folk don't like it they can look the other way!

I was very pretty in my day - everyone said so and the photos bear this out. But I do not mourn this loss. It is simply how life is.

One good thing is that I have no wrinkles. A GP friend of mine believes I have some syndrome (can't remember name) that is to do with connective tissue and she says this is why I have no wrinkles - but I do have a lot of joint pain to counter-balance it!

We just have to take what life chucks at us and try and stay afloat. I immerse myself in music - I can still enjoy that even if I look a fright!

It must be worse for people who have been beautiful. I've never been so I don't feel it's loss. But it happens to us all in varying degrees.
The person that I think I am, in my head, is very different from the glimses I get in mirrors and shop windows. It's quite a shock sometimes!
But we can only make the best of what we've got. Looking after your skin is quite important, a good moisturiser with SPF will definitely help. And it's amazing what a bit of lippy and mascara will do. But then just relax. What you feel inside is more important.

Laser treatment is good for the facial hair - expensive but sometimes available via Groupon deals and the like. Shouldn’t shave. I never wear make up either but in normal times spend a bit on regular eyebrow waxing or threading ; and tinting. Sometimes have eyelashes tinted too. Makes a difference.
A decent hairdresser can make a huge difference.
Don’t despair! I wish I was 59!

I’m not worried about ageing, I’ve hardly aged at all. I do make a big effort with make up and dress, and regularly visit the hairdressers. I think it’s much more important to focus on the inside, on showing happiness and interest and never being sour or closed off to new things. I hate getting older but not because of looking it.

No, my big problem seems to be that every time I go out - especially to a big store or somewhere where there are lots of mirrors, I’ve caught a glimpse of a strange old woman who has taken to following me around. She has attempted to copy my hairstyle, but otherwise looks a lot older than me, has loads of wrinkles and needs a bit of a makeover, I think. She gets in the way, prevents me from making sensible decisions and sometimes I give up in disgust and just go home empty-handed.

Fortunately she hasn’t turned up at home yet - perhaps because we don’t have enough mirrors and lighting to interest her, poor old soul.

I’m nearly 67 and feel 30 in my head most of the time ( sometimes 80 on a very bad day!) I do dye my hair and am not happy it’s gone back to grey at the moment ( my children say I have still got some of my original colour as well but it’s hard to see that yourself). I have good skin and have been fanatical about skincare all my life so although my face has some wrinkles my neck and chest are still wrinkle free.

I wear bright colours ( had my colours done years ago) and jewellery and a little makeup and mostly feel good about myself now. I had zero confidence when I was young, but as someone else said, I too have grown into myself and am much more confident now I’m older. I am happy in my own skin it’s good if you can learn to love yourself. Smile don’t frown and enjoy your life, it’s certainly unusual at the moment and none of us want the alternative. Hope you feel happier soon.

That's really kind MerylStreep but it was an awfully long time ago!!

For most of my life I have had poly cystic ovary syndrome; so I had very greasy hair and skin, chronic acne, superfluous hair in abundance, reduced fertility and several miscarriages when I did manage to conceive. Why am I saying this? Because as soon as I had gone through the menopause the greasy hair and skin stopped as did the acne, the excess hair disappeared and I thought to myself; 'perhaps this is what I should have always looked like'! I spent so many years desperately unhappy about my looks, now I am grateful that I don't have those problems.
You do have my sympathy,by the way, before anyone thinks I am being mean . I am not . I just wish I could look at photos of me when younger and not see the chronic acne !

Kitty
I remember when we had profiles on GN. Yours is a face that I still remember. I thought you looked lovely.

Well, I’ve learnt to make a bit of an effort for any Zooms and FaceTimes - a bit of slap works wonders, and a constant gentle smile pulls the jowls up a bit, even if it does make me look a bit simple at the same time.

I never considered myself pretty or attractive when I was younger.
My best friend/ colleague who was was tall, slim, tanned and attractive made me look even smaller and dowdier when I stood next to her.

The one thing in my favour is I have always looked younger than my actual age . Today, I have few wrinkles, my hair is still its original red, my glasses hide any bags and I have grown into myself! ?
I'm not in the least bothered about losing my looks, I never had any in the first place.?

What shocked me the most in all these video calls was how crepey my neck is now. A scarf now has a dual use. Face mask and neck concealer ?

Aww don’t be so hard on yourself Looker . We can’t stay young forever.
I keep my skin moisturised but don’t use makeup.
A friendly smile is the most attractive thing about a person’s face I think. ?

Nfk, yesterday morning I was putting the bin out, dressed to spend the morning in the garden.

Up next door's drive swept a 4 x 4 and out got a tiny, blonde about my age wearing a tight leopard skin dress, leather biker jacket and red stiletto boots. She asked if I'd mind putting their bin out after she had gone.

I don’t worry about my face much. My skin is quite good still, though the sag has set in. What I mind is the loss of graceful movement. I did a lot of ballet, was tall and slim. I’m still tall and still quite slim, but I have mobility problems and am no longer remotely graceful. That depresses me. I feel it’s not the real me.

Well this is probably as good as it’s going to get, so start liking it?

I’m sorry but you have to be happy with what you have and make the most of it. An alternative is to spend a fortune and even then you may not like what you see.

When I look back at photos I often wonder why I didn’t think I was gorgeous then?

Do you hair as best as you can put on a bit (only a bit) of make up, wear a smile and a nice outfit. Then be happy because people will be happy to see you.

Reminds me of the Joan Collins quote

The problem with beauty is that it's like being born rich and getting poorer."

Like you, Kitty I never thought myself attractive when I was young, no confidence whatsoever.

I’ve always thought I went from spots to wrinkles and then to fat. Now I just wish my skin would fit. I have far too much of it. Wrinkles, cellulite and saggy bits. But I really don’t care too much. I’m me. (I’m the woman who went out to stand at the gate last evening with wild unkempt hair, stripy tee shirt, spotty trousers, baggy cardi and slippers - oh, and no bra!)

I wish I had known when I was young that I was attractive. I had no confidence at all despite being fairly attractive.

Now, I look just like my mother when she was very old! But, I have much more confidence now!

I agree about people only seeing an old woman - that is not me!!

You've heard that expression, 'fat and ugly'?

It's always applied to me but I never thought it would be useful.

Now, with no looks to lose, I'm not mourning anything

I can commiserate Looker my dark circles and bags have suddenly got worse. I look dreadful without makeup.

I have signed up for the daily blogs from Look fabulous Forever which is make up for older women. Tricia the MD looks great and on one of her videos she is without makeup and she then transforms her face and demonstrates tips on how to do so at home. She wears bright colours and statement jewellery.

I have ordered some of the makeup which is rather expensive but worth it.

Finally I buy Maybelline Eraser Concealer in Fair colour and it blocks out my dark baggy eyes. It is about £8.00 and is excellent.

Best of luck.

It's all this flippin' Facetime business when you see your old gob in the corner of the screen - the other day my son said, mother will you put your glasses on so you're not squinting and peering!

Well, I was never beautiful. I looked reasonably pretty when I was young, in certain photos, with the light in the right place, and preferably in a group of plainer friends....

I agree with you! I think my hair is nice as it happens but my face is not so much wrinkled as lined ! Can’t bear seeing myself in the mirror to be honest but I do make an effort with clothes and a bit of make up. Having said that simce Covid I have not really thought about looking old, there are far more important things to worry about.

Lookernomore, I was beautiful too but we can't fight the inevitable. Accept it. That was then and this is now.

Let's face it, looks shouldn't be that important to us. They're not worth fretting about. Clean and neat - with a smile - is quite good enough and nobody else really cares!

The smile is all important. I've seen too many nicely turned out old ladies, looking thoroughly miserable!

I felt like this in my 40s but after that I somehow forgot about it, now I just try to be happy with the way I look right now.