Husband not seeing red traffic lights

Sorry to say it, but the most likely explanation is inattention due to onset of one or other form of dementia. An eye test is always worth having, but it will not pick up dementia, just possibly eliminate one possible explanation for missing red lights. The fact that he goes quiet probably means he is having some doubts himself. I served as a patient/public involvement member on a panel of medics and other clinical and DVLA representatives to draw up a set of recommendations to doctors and clinicians to develop a protocol for just such situations. The protocol was adopted nationally by all the relevant organisations. You are asking the question because you are uneasy. It might be something else, but please don't ignore it. I've been there - I'll be thinking of you. research.ncl.ac.uk/driving-and-dementia/consensusguidelinesforclinicians/

Hide the car keys immediately.
Frog march him the the opticians as soon as you possibly can, and go with him to ensure the colour thing is addressed.
Don't wait until he kills you/himself/random stranger.

This is NOT a subject for "discussion". There are times when we have to do what is right, regardless of the consequences. No man or woman wants to hang up their car keys, but it's nothing to do with what anyone wants to do, it's a case if doing what is right, not burying your head in the sand. Do you drive?

Tell him you know he has always been an excellent driver and you know he won't want to ruin his record by ignoring something that might be easily fixed and then hand him his appointment to see the optician. It could be something as simple as cataracts which can fade colours. When my Mum had them she used to knit the most garish cardigans and get really upset when we used to turn up our noses at the colours. After she had her ops to remove them, she couldn't believe how awful they were!

I think you already know you need to stop him driving , I can’t believe it’s been going on for 6 months! I would be so worried that he would cause an accident, he obviously is concerned but not as concerned as he should be or he would have done something long before now, please get him to have an eye test, I personally wouldn’t let him drive until this is done, he’s a danger to everyone

Definitely needs an eye test - he may either be colour blind (which I think he would already be aware of) or may have other eye conditions such a cataracts, glaucoma (that results in tunnel vision) , or Age related macular degeneration where the central vision is lost.
If he takes medication and it's been changed recently, it could be it has affected his vision.

Either his mind is wandering and he’s loosing concentration or like other have said he needs an eye test. Boots has remained open so he could get in there or I heard opticians remained open also.

Eye problem licence has to be revoked it is illegal to drive with defective eye sight, if someone is injured or killed insurance would be void.

I’m wondering if he could be showing signs of early Altzheimers?
My husband developed this, and one of the first signs was a general unawareness when driving. A visit to the GP may be your first call.

You have to explain to him that if he is involved in an accident his insurance will be void. If asked for his account what's going to be his defence: he either acted deliberately or didn't see the red light. He has to take responsibility and stop driving until he has his eyesight checked.

YOU are being so incredibly irresponsible. HOW DARE YOU put the lives of others at risk. You should have done something the VERY FIRST time this happened. My life was changed forever by an irresponsible driver. I'm only here to tell the tale because by chance I was driving my late husband's 4x4. It was written off, years of pain, walking sticks, 3 operations but I will never be able to kneel or run again. Go and get the keys now and tell him he is not driving any more before he kills an innocent person. This is not a matter of negotiation. He can have them back only if the doctor says it's safe.

A friend's husband was suffering the early stages of vascular dementia, and she told friends that he was getting 'confused' at roundabouts and unsure of where he was going, but didn't like to talk to him about it as his car was important to him. We were extremely worried about this, and one friend asked her how she might feel if he killed someone and she would have to live with the knowledge that she was partly responsible.
Fortunately this blunt statement resulted in his giving up driving. Sadly you situation is just the same as your husband needs to address this urgently - please help him.

I have recently retired from NHS and worked for a Moorfields eyes hospital. Colourblindness can come on as you get older. Also your eyes can deteriorate or be affected by medication.
You are using a computer. So find some quick tests for him to do online. Make a game or joke about not being able to do them yourself. See how he gets on. Then if still worried get him checked out.

He is risking his life, your life, and other road users, so he must get his eyes tested. You should refuse to be a passenger with him until it is sorted.

This happened with my OH spectacularly with me in the car and he turned right at lights. Horns sounded and how we weren’t hit by oncoming car I will never know. It shook him up (and me ...). He then admitted he just didn’t see the lights. It wasn’t the first time but it could have been our last.
An eye test showed it was cataracts forming. Such a straightforward procedure to have removed. The only problem being they have to be quite advanced for NHS to do plus waiting list, so we did go privately. Worth it though.
So get him to have that eye test. Don’t wait for that right turn situation - you may not be as lucky and with you in passenger seat, you would be the one hit.

Tell him in no uncertain terms that he needs to sort it out before he kills you both. I have to say that only a man would be so selfish.

Safe driving is a non negotiable ! Cars are so dangerous! I wouldn’t let him drive because I wouldn’t want to deal with guilt if he hit someone. I wouldn’t care how angry , sad, or disappointing it might be, I’d hide the keys and support his difficult feelings. When I first got married my DH was a terrible driver, I had to practically teach him to drive and it was awful ! He’s a brilliant scientist, but couldn’t deal with indicating !! I ended up barking like a driving instructor ! As we neared the junction I’d say ‘indicate!’ . He got annoyed every time and told me not to do it and it wasn’t very pleasant. But I just said when you start indicating I’ll stop barking. Took a while but he did it.

Definitely an eye test and / or GP. It may easily be correctable but if he, heavens forbid, has an RTA - with all the consequences how would feel?

If he won't discuss it, could you perhaps quietly contact his GP and get them to ask him to come to visit the surgery on some pretext? I know of someone who did this and an eye test was carried out. Things went from there and the patient stopped driving.

This is a second-hand story, I must confess, but it's worth a try although I expect it is not a nice feeling to contact someone's GP behind their back.

I suppose it's a bit hard in the current Covid situation.

Try telling him that if he has a Health or optical problem but is still driving, then he is effectively cancelling his Car Insurance, if he has an accident he will be in court before you can say ‘Eye test’.
Car Insurance companies will be delighted to wriggle out of any claims if there is a health issue that has been ignored.

Your DH cannot drive anymore, he is a ticking time bomb.
It is only a matter of time he is going to have an accident and even I injure somebody

If you do not drive, sell the car.

If he’s not seeing red traffic lights then presumably he could not be seeing red car brake lights, either. He needs to stop driving and get his eyesight checked out, to start with.

Take the keys before there's an accident and tell him to see an optician or GP before you hand them back.
If it had only happened the once then you can put it down to a lack of observation but beyond that it's not acceptable.
There are usually cameras in-situ near lights.

My dad’s driving used to worry me no end. His car was covered in scratches and dents where he scraped it trying to reverse into his garage. His peripheral vision was not good enough. He even scraped a fire engine . I was so relieved when he gave up, but he had to decide for himself.
I feel nervous in the car when my husband is driving. He thinks he is very safe, and he has never had an accident or scrape of any sort, but in my opinion he makes errors of judgement, particularly by driving too fast and braking too late. He gets so angry if I say anything, or even react non verbally.

Mine does the opposite and stops at green lights. Both are worrying. I’m going to see if I can have a word with his GP as he’s getting very forgetful too.

I suspect a condition called Mild Cognitive Impairment.