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Husband not seeing red traffic lights

(64 Posts)
Lollypolly Fri 15-May-20 10:52:44

My husband is 68 reasonably good health, had 3 stents 4 years ago and no problems since then. Over the past 6 months I have noticed that he is failing to see traffic signals when they are red. I have to shout at him to stop. He goes all quiet and won't discuss. It really beginning to worry me. What should I do?

Glorybee Fri 15-May-20 11:02:56

My husband at 67 confessed that his confidence in driving wasn’t the same as it used to be, this alarmed me so when we’re both out, I drive. He does do short local trips by himself and has been fine, but I do long and joint trips. I’m far from perfect but if anything did happen I’d only have myself to blame.

yggdrasil Fri 15-May-20 11:05:24

Can you drive? If so insist you do till he gets his eyes tested. If not, walk

NotSpaghetti Fri 15-May-20 11:10:11

I would ask him to have an eye test in case there is something serious going on. It is better to be safe.

He knows there is something wrong but is probably afraid. If you are supportive and discuss this outside the car he will probably be pleased to air his fears and will get some medical/ophthalmic advice.

Good luck.

MrsEggy Fri 15-May-20 11:14:48

My DH has macular degeneration, it's effects were very subtle at first, but it sounds as if your DH needs an eye test, telling the optician he thinks something is wrong.

vintanner Fri 15-May-20 11:17:03

Agree with NotSpaghetti.

Eye test needed. He may only need tinted glasses.

Until it is sorted I would suggest you drive.

H1954 Fri 15-May-20 11:20:58

The first thing you should do is hide the car keys! Then, and this won't be easy due to lockdown, he needs an eye test. For his, yours and the safety of all road users, do not let him continue driving until this is resolved!

quizqueen Fri 15-May-20 11:23:14

This is serious, are you going to wait until he kills someone! You've already let it go on for 6 months, that's so irresponsible. Tell him he can't drive until his eyes have been tested otherwise you will report his dangerous driving to the police.

Septimia Fri 15-May-20 11:25:28

Maybe he's red/blue colour blind but up to now has managed by seeing the light rather than the colour. The current problem might be quite easily solved and getting it looked into might actually be a relief for him if he's worried. I hope you can get him to see someone about it.

Davidhs Fri 15-May-20 11:33:33

When dad had to fill his driving licence form at 70 he asked us to help him -
“hang on dad how bad is your eyesight”
He had macula degeneration and didn’t drive again.

You husbands problem isnt just red lights you don’t have to have colour vision to drive, it is either inattention or serious eyesight problems, get him to the optician and don’t let him drive until his problem is fixed.

Babyshark Fri 15-May-20 11:35:52

He doesn’t get to go quiet and refuse to discuss. What a selfish dangerous man! If you don’t do anything you are equally responsible if he hits someone at a crossing or hits another car at a junction.

Please take the keys and insists he had an eye test.

kittylester Fri 15-May-20 12:07:15

Or talk to his gp about your worries.

Toadinthehole Fri 15-May-20 12:25:35

Please get this sorted before he kills someone. It’s completely normal for eyes to deteriorate with age. He shouldn’t be driving, so please stop.

SalsaQueen Fri 15-May-20 12:58:39

If he really is as bad as you say, he's a danger to anyone else on the roads - pedestrians especially - so I think either you should rive, if you're able to, or take the car keys away!

Furret Fri 15-May-20 13:58:53

Mine does the opposite and stops at green lights. Both are worrying. I’m going to see if I can have a word with his GP as he’s getting very forgetful too.

I suspect a condition called Mild Cognitive Impairment.

Cabbie21 Fri 15-May-20 14:10:08

My dad’s driving used to worry me no end. His car was covered in scratches and dents where he scraped it trying to reverse into his garage. His peripheral vision was not good enough. He even scraped a fire engine . I was so relieved when he gave up, but he had to decide for himself.
I feel nervous in the car when my husband is driving. He thinks he is very safe, and he has never had an accident or scrape of any sort, but in my opinion he makes errors of judgement, particularly by driving too fast and braking too late. He gets so angry if I say anything, or even react non verbally.

EllanVannin Fri 15-May-20 14:19:09

Take the keys before there's an accident and tell him to see an optician or GP before you hand them back.
If it had only happened the once then you can put it down to a lack of observation but beyond that it's not acceptable.
There are usually cameras in-situ near lights.

SueDonim Fri 15-May-20 14:43:34

If he’s not seeing red traffic lights then presumably he could not be seeing red car brake lights, either. He needs to stop driving and get his eyesight checked out, to start with.

Hithere Fri 15-May-20 14:48:11

Your DH cannot drive anymore, he is a ticking time bomb.
It is only a matter of time he is going to have an accident and even I injure somebody

If you do not drive, sell the car.

Oopsadaisy3 Fri 15-May-20 15:44:52

Try telling him that if he has a Health or optical problem but is still driving, then he is effectively cancelling his Car Insurance, if he has an accident he will be in court before you can say ‘Eye test’.
Car Insurance companies will be delighted to wriggle out of any claims if there is a health issue that has been ignored.

Tangerine Fri 15-May-20 16:47:44

If he won't discuss it, could you perhaps quietly contact his GP and get them to ask him to come to visit the surgery on some pretext? I know of someone who did this and an eye test was carried out. Things went from there and the patient stopped driving.

This is a second-hand story, I must confess, but it's worth a try although I expect it is not a nice feeling to contact someone's GP behind their back.

I suppose it's a bit hard in the current Covid situation.

Caro57 Sat 16-May-20 09:28:45

Definitely an eye test and / or GP. It may easily be correctable but if he, heavens forbid, has an RTA - with all the consequences how would feel?

Seefah Sat 16-May-20 09:48:36

Safe driving is a non negotiable ! Cars are so dangerous! I wouldn’t let him drive because I wouldn’t want to deal with guilt if he hit someone. I wouldn’t care how angry , sad, or disappointing it might be, I’d hide the keys and support his difficult feelings. When I first got married my DH was a terrible driver, I had to practically teach him to drive and it was awful ! He’s a brilliant scientist, but couldn’t deal with indicating !! I ended up barking like a driving instructor ! As we neared the junction I’d say ‘indicate!’ . He got annoyed every time and told me not to do it and it wasn’t very pleasant. But I just said when you start indicating I’ll stop barking. Took a while but he did it.

Phloembundle Sat 16-May-20 09:51:45

Tell him in no uncertain terms that he needs to sort it out before he kills you both. I have to say that only a man would be so selfish.

ToadsMum Sat 16-May-20 09:52:19

This happened with my OH spectacularly with me in the car and he turned right at lights. Horns sounded and how we weren’t hit by oncoming car I will never know. It shook him up (and me ...). He then admitted he just didn’t see the lights. It wasn’t the first time but it could have been our last.
An eye test showed it was cataracts forming. Such a straightforward procedure to have removed. The only problem being they have to be quite advanced for NHS to do plus waiting list, so we did go privately. Worth it though.
So get him to have that eye test. Don’t wait for that right turn situation - you may not be as lucky and with you in passenger seat, you would be the one hit.