missing grandchildren

Arlean and Joanna, it's awful isn't it? It truly is a bereavement for us. Only now, through the pandemic, are other grandparents experiencing a smidgen of what we permanently have to face and to deal with emotionally. And there are so many of us out there.

For anyone out there who may be interested, the Bristol Grandparents Support Group is run by Jane Jackson who was a estranged grandparent herself. Luckily her story ended well when her (now) adult grandchild came and found her after many years of being apart. For many of us that will sadly never happen. I live in Essex, but Jane has details on her website of localised support groups, should anyone be interested. It just helps to know you're not alone. The Support group emails come through and Jane always writes an interesting piece.

I haven't seen my Grandchildren, two granddaughters since 2017, through social workers untruths & I miss them so much, I had a very good relationship with them.

Thank you.I will think of you on sunday and I will look for the lady in Bristol.Best wishes.x

On the topic of grandchildren, I'd like to point out that this Sunday is officially "Estranged Grandparents Day". There was a topic on here a few months ago, touching on the subject of grandparents who are denied all contact with their grandchildren, mainly through estrangement from their adult children and/or their partners, and the total, never ending heartbreak it causes. The topic was inviting us to put questions to the lovely lady who runs a support group in Bristol and I have found her to be very supportive and have signed up for her newsletters.

For many of us, this lockdown period has just magnified "ten fold" the fact that for many of us, this situation has been our "new normal" for many months or even years, and will not end after this pandemic with cuddles, hugs and kisses with our dear grandchildren. There are no Facetime or Skype sessions for us to keep in touch, and we have absolutely no idea how our grandchildren are, what they are doing, what being told, or if they will ever remember us, what we look like, and the good times we once had. For us, there will be no end to this and it is truly a living bereavement, as we have not only "lost" our adult children but our dear grandchildren, too. Apparently there are over 2 million grandparents in this tragic situation, mostly through no fault of their own.
To mark the occasion on Sunday we have been invited to paint pebbles for our grandchildren and leave them in places to be found with a little explanatory note. A lovely idea, but I do not have any large pebbles or suitable paint to hand, so won't be doing it. However, I just want to remember the day, because for many of us, the feeling you all have now is a permanent fixture in our lives and our situation is not temporary.
Thanks for listening and remember us on Sunday.

When you are allowed to drive more than five miles, surely your son and daughter-in-law would agree to you parking outside their house and seeing the children through a window?

I know it isn't the best solution, but better than not seeing them at all, surely?

My first grandchild, a grandson is only 3 days old! My daughter and her new family live in France and I live in the U.S. I had planned to fly over this summer until the virus hit. I don't know when I'll get to see him in person. I did take the great advice of someone on this site to buy 2 sets of the same books, so that in time when they get home from the hospital, I'll be able to read him a story and he will have the exact same copy of the book! I'm getting the first pictures of him and a cute little video of him! My daughter moved to Spain back in 2013 and was married there. Then his job took them to France. We use Whatsapp to vidochat whenever we can, but it has a 6 hour time difference. I have to stay positive, even when it's challenging.

Dont worry, they wont forget you. I really feel for you. Hearing other peoples words of wisdom is all very well but at the end of the day although you may feel selfish its only your situation that matter to you. I miss my grandson desperately and i cant see beyond that.
Take care xx

more than not more that, sorry should have proof read

It is so very difficult not to see and hug our darling grandchildren but no, no, no they will not forget you. Even at a young age they know who you are. If you facetime or zoom or even just telephone they will know your voice.
I have grandchildren 300 miles away and 12000 miles away, as well as locally, they all know who I am and we all have a lovely relationship even though we didn't see some of them more that two or three times a year at most when they were tiny. Don't worry, quality not quantity wins out and you'll have time in the future for quality cuddles.

I know just how you feel, I haven't seen my 2 Grandchildren but it's not because of the Coronovirus it's through untruths told by social workers, I haven't seen them since 2017.

I think the expectation of babies and very young toddlers remembering people is unrealistic and grandparents expecting bond building are setting themselves up for failure and disappointment.

A 5 month old baby? No way! A baby this age just recognizes his/her caregivers and siblings, not people they see every once in a while

Young toddlers - more of the same.
Their priorities are not the same as the grandparents'
They want to play with their friends and have fun.

We are the same, 5 month old and 2 year old gc. They are in Scotland and we are in England. We FaceTime every few days and the 2 year old gets excited and chats away for a little while. Met the 5 month old when she was born but missing cuddles and she is changing so much. Prior to lockdown we saw them every month. DD sends us daily videos and pictures of them both so we still get to see the milestones ?

I totally agree, spare a little thought for us GP who have our children living abroad, I have 2 dd living in the US and Oz, my 4 GC are with them
Goodness knows when i will see them all again
I do understand it is difficult, but it wont be forever and believe me along as you keep intouch, they will not forget you

The whole situation is full of anomalies that make no sense.
I live in England and we obey all the rules but this has meant I really miss seeing my son and grandson. They live about 5 hours away and when we visit we stay in a hotel in the winter and our campervan in the summer as their house is small. We saw them all after Christmas before we went to Australia in February and March and they should have visited Devon for their Easter holiday but of course that all got cancelled. My grandson now won't talk on the phone and has stopped video calling. He is back at school this week for a couple of days and I hope it will improve but he really struggled with the rules: why couldn't he see his friends, why were teenagers in the park playing together and using the basketball hoops behind the red and white tape when he was not allowed to (he asked my son if he could tell them they shouldn't be doing it and wisely he didn't let him), we think he could exercise control by refusing to speak to any grandparents and just hope it will get better.
We have a friend here still working
who can teach 5 year olds inside a classroom but cannot go and visit her 7 year old grandson in his home!! Things can only get better,we have to believe

I am the same as you ,had not seen my grand kids for 14 weeks ,we went in the week to see my 19 month twins,
they didn't remember me.
we sat on the grass away from. them ,
1 of my grand daughters them ran over ,we and them have been isolating , not going out or seeing anyone ,she ran to me ran round means cuddled me on the chest ,it was like southing clicked ,my 5 month grand daughter dont know us at all ,we have not seen them for 3 months ,I was there at her birth, but for a baby 3 months is a long time , we will have to build the bond again.

Don't worry! Your grandchildren are 2 and 6 months. Can you remember anything of your life at those ages? - I can't! My earliest memory is from when I was 4 and surely they will find a vaccine by then! Do you also remember the joy of a letter or parcel coming through the post addressed not to your parents but to you? I send little letters and parcels to my grandchildren and they love it. The Toy Story cake mix I sent was a particular success and keeps them thinking about you (until the cakes were ready to eat of course!)

Hi I’m new on here.
It was torture for us not being able to see our five year old grandson because he’s autistic and just didn’t understand. We couldn’t video chat because he would gather his shoes and blanket thinking he was coming and would get so upset when we said he couldn’t. We couldn’t go and talk through the window either. We look after him a lot and it broke our heart he couldn’t understand. I would video myself reading him stories and would send them on watsap. My daughter and 18 month granddaughter moved in With us just before the lockdown so we could look after her while she went to work and I’d get upset hearing her having fun on video chat with her other grandparents knowing we couldn’t do that with grandson. I really feel for grandparents missing their little darlings it is a love like no other.

mcem

The ‘bubble’ is only for single people living on their own, enabling them to meet up with another household. It’s not carte blanch for GP’s to meet up with family.

Sorry to hear your pain. Just small suggestion my beloved GC lived in Australia for most of there childhood returning last year.Lucky me. When they were small I used to read them a book I would buy 2 of the same book and send one to them, then FaceTime them and I’d read the book to them whilst they had there book and could see the pictures, it kept them interested and focused whilst I loved it.

Exactly Caro57! We live in Wales and our nearest (affordable) supermarket is 14 miles away. So a 28 mile round trip! I’m a key worker and work is a 40 mile round trip. Our young family live between work and home but more than 5 miles, so yes we have met up with them in their garden, at a safe distance on more than one occasion. Please don’t come on here moaning if you’re not prepared to use some common sense! ?

I live in rural Cumbria - we have to travel more than 5 miles to our nearest shop.........there must be the same conditions in Wales - how does that work?

Of course they are going to forget you, they are very young!
But think of the huge amount of fun you can have getting to know them once again, with hopefully no restrictions to get in the way.
Look forward, not back.
As previously stated by MrsChips, you will be new and a lot more interesting.....
Try and accept your specialness - to-come adventure.

See my post on previous thred. Nuff said. Really getting cross now.

I always feel bad that we can’t visit our grandsons aged 3 and nearly 2 whereas their other GPs only live 5 mins away so have been popping up to chat over the garden wall. I talked about it yesterday with my very wise DH who said that people we see all the time become boring whereas people we haven’t seen for a long time become special.

I sympathise deeply. The guidelines are very confusing. One person can now go and live with their family/grandchildren ... this correlates with the governments’ need to get the economy back on track - I don’t believe there is enough science to know whether this is safe or not. Travelling and seeing families but social distancing is I believe still the safest way to continue. Not much change for many. However there are others who are willing to take the risk. Take care.