My granddaughter said she hates me

BB sorry I haven't explained right, my son and his ex are both on benefits and his ex gets all the money for the children 3 of them, also they are not neglected not by a long shot. As for weed none is smoked Infront of the children and I spoke to my son regularly over the phone and they were at my house 2 of 3 of the days my son has them and I would know by his voice, eye's and I would smell it on him. Social services say that I would be surprised at the amount of young parents who take drugs far worse than weed but that's modern times. My granddaughter is at school and they are happy with her work,mood and she makes friends very easily but she doesn't take anyone's non sense,her mum is a good mum that just finds it a bit hard to cope at times and there's nothing wrong with that and asking for help. The children can't wait to see their dad so that proves they are well looked after and same with their mum when she has them.
I'm not saying anyone in particular on the replies I have had but some need to go and get upto date on MODERN parenting as most mothers and fathers are really young these days, I am only 45 and even I am shocked by some parenting ideas these days.

Exactly my toughts Lucca.
Sounds like a spoilt brat.
But nanof2,you must not take it to heart,she is only 5 and you should not spoil them hence no respect for you.

Having read further posts, so sorry for your depression.

As others have stated, they're very young, "hate" is just a word to say when maybe your granddaughter can't articulate what she is really feeling. She can't know what that word really means, children say it all the time. You unfortunately were in the firing line, at a time when she may well have been angry about something else. I wouldn't cut off contact from the children it's not their fault, they seem to be raising themselves to a certain extent and have been propelled into an adult world beyond their comprehension hence displaying precocious behaviour and language. I would continue helping with the cost of food if you are able to do that, but you don't keep having to buy them fripperies, toys and such, it will cultivate an expectation and no doubt subliminally plant the notion that you are a constant source of treats, possibly undermining valuable care you give.

I hope you manage to sort something out and continue seeing them.

It's not the child's fault, she is just acting what she has seen modeled no doubt. She is not too young to apologise though. At 5 I knew to apologise when I'd been mean. You bet my 5 year olds would have been talked to about other people's feelings (given guidance) and that we apologise when we upset someone wrongly. That's social learning and that's important. Whether she will get that kind of guidance is another thing. Not her fault if she doesn't. That's on the parents.

Are you getting treatment for your own problems during the pandemic?
Un-block them from contact, but don't make contact yourself, just bide your time until things quieten down a bit. When the children start missing the gifts (replacement phone!) they will start to contact you again.
But sadly that isn't love is it? And you know this don't you?
You have been rejected, I know it hurts (I'm in that position but for very different reasons we won't go into here) but accept it.
It will take years to heal this, but a child of 5 doesn't have the maturity to cope with this, and to expect her to apologise is unreasonable - she's NOT sorry and she's NOT old enough to realise the need for an apology.
Can you wait? Can you stop picking at this like an itching scab? Can you give it a set time, say a month, before you even open their page and look?
Do try, and don't blame the child, please.

You are the adult in this situation. She was wrong but she did not mean it and you can not hold her to adult standards. Your son should get her to apologise and she should have her phone removed.
However. She is a neglected child. You can’t expect her to be perfect because she is being hurt continuously.
She matters more here. If you block her and sulk then you are just another adult abusing her.

nana I’m sorry your granddaughter has upset you. She is only 5 and at that age children banter emotions around all the time. Their thoughts and language is limited. I hate you is easy to say because they know it hurts without really understanding why. If they are hurt themselves they often say things like this. It doesn’t sound as though your grandchildren have the best of lives and maybe home life is a bit turbulent. It sounds as though your son was upset she spoke to you like that so he realises how much you help. I think cutting them off is rather drastic especially if they need your money for food. I would just see how this evolves. Children of that age need love she is still very young to understand what is going on.

In effect, any money that's going to the family is being spent on weed and not the children ? This is a serious situation that urgently needs resolving. I don't understand why social services haven't intervened in a more positive way.

I see that you are genuine and have thought hard before tapping on my keyboard!

A little girl of 5 would normally be expressing her self through art, role play dressing up etc.

By giving her a tool such as a phone she is being propelled into teenage.
She is using the phone to role play having heard adults and siblings possibly arguing over the phone.
This is what’s called learnt behaviour.

I suggest more age appropriate toys and games, less technology and time.

She doesn’t hate you, it’s a cry for help from a confused child.

I m truely sorry this isn’t a wind up because it’s awful

You said in your original post that they have no money because ‘they spend all their money on weed’ so you buy the children food and toys and clothesM well that is definitely something social services need to be involved in, and how can you be sure they aren’t smoking when they have the children

You say it’s not your fault the child has a phone because her mum bought it her but in your original post you say
the 5yr old's mobile phone broke last week so me and my partner bought her a brand-new one so whose fault is it she has a phone???
This is a disaster for all of you if you think her hissy fit was just childhood drama (which it may have been) why on earth have you blocked them all
so I told my son none of them have to contact me again and I have blocked them all routes If the children are all being neglected and having no money for food which IS sheer neglect, then you have now blocked all help that the two children were getting (Out of curiosity who feeds the eldest who’s not your granddaughter) if there’s no money in the home
I think you need help for your depression and social services need ringing back as regards the neglect of the children

Children have to be taught to care about other people's feelings. Obviously this little girl needs some training in politeness.

If I were in that position and could trust her parents I'd tell them what had happened and leave them to deal with it. You have done so and there is no more you can do except perhaps hope when she goes to school she will be taught empathy according to the capability of her emotional development.

This is especially difficult for you to be involved with considering your health problems. Please be assured your grand daughter's bad behaviour is not your responsibility. So you can emotionally distance yourself . You can do this by ignoring the naughty child or laughing at her tantrums.

Maybe now is the time fir your son to cut back buying weed and start feeding his children with the money saved. It’s really not up to you to feed them on a regular basis. It is their fathers responsibility. Entirely.
I too am shocked they Both have phones being so young and it must have been horrible getting that nasty message. She probably doesn't mean it, she’s only 5, but it’s a good idea to stop all the presents etc. You are not a doormat, you are entitled to some consideration so hold back for a while and hope that things improve. If you are concerned about their care then go back to SS who are already aware.

Thankyou. I am mentally and physically disabled.

I called social services in, and they sorted everything out and arranged shared care, and they said that they couldn't do anything about weed because it isn't an offence to smoke it and it wasn't Infront of the children. I also give my son the children's food to ensure they have plenty in for them because my son doesn't get any money for them.

Keep in touch with them as they are only 5 years old and it not their fault that their parents are messed up! I do not agree with children of that age having mobile phones. My 4 grand children have them when they go to “big” school but not until. What the hell is the world coming to?? Stop just giving them so much stuff and back off a bit but still keep in touch. Christmas and birthday is all I do now for the grand children and they look forward to getting things. Don’t beat yourself up but you are a bit to blame.

Thanks for all your replies, and unfortunately it's not a wind up, just to clarify my son and his gf don't smoke weed for the 3 days a week they have my granddaughters, their mum can't cope all the time hence shared care, I give the kids so much because I don't want them missing out on anything. The mobile phone was her mum's doing originally not mine and I was surprised about Snapchat also but her bigger sister who is 8 has it so nothing I can do about it. I had my 5 yr old gd staying with me every weekend for the first 3 years of her life, and she was my 1st grandchild so there's always something special for your 1st, I come from a very big family and there wasn't alot of spare money for luxuries all year round, and I think this is why I give so much.

Do social services know this is going on ?

If it is too much for you to deal with alongside your depression, it is a good idea to pull back for a while. If and when you are ready, consider what boundaries you want to set with the relationship. You have been giving so much. Do you have a counsellor you talk to? If so, maybe that's something you can talk through with them?

That is terrible behaviour from a five year old, though in the context of her life, very sad. She should be apologising to you.

I'm sorry you're hurting.

The answer to your problem is in your post!

Your granddaughter is a five year old child and you are the adult Nanaof2 time to give her guidance and teach respect etc. You are expecting her to deal with her rather chaotic life in an adult manner. I'm sorry to hear about your health problems but really spoiling young children in this way is a recipe for disaster.

That wasn’t in reply to your post, TerriBull.

If this is a genuine poster with severe depression, she really doesn’t need the snarky comments.

5 year old with a phone! I thought it was bad enough when my 10 year old granddaughter got given one, not by us I might add story books at their ages surely! As for toys and treats every week aren't Christmas and birthdays there for that purpose. Too much too soon it just sounds desperately sad it's unsurprising that this child is expressing herself in a very precocious manner for one so young. Childhood is very brief theirs sound over before it's begun.

Unless as others have said it's a wind up

BB I’m beginning to rethink universal suffrage.

Is this for real or are you winding us up?
5 year old on her second phone !!!
5 year old on snapchat !!!
You buy them toys, clothes, treats every week !!!

I m sorry but I can’t take this serious enough to reply if it’s not a wind up you need grand parenting lessons sorry to be blunt if you are genuine it’s pretty unbelievable