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My granddaughter said she hates me

(61 Posts)
Nanaof2 Thu 18-Jun-20 07:15:06

I am nana to two granddaughters of 3 and 5 years, I give them anything they want, every week they get new toys, go places and get clothes, and my son has shared care with his ex, and I even pay for food etc while he has them for 3 days because him and his new partner spend all their money on weed, the 5yr old's mobile phone broke last week so me and my partner bought her a brand-new one, my granddaughter sent me a picture of herself on Snapchat so I sent back an emoji love heart because she can't read properly yet, anyway a few minutes later I got a video from her screaming at me and telling me to stop chatting to her because she hates me and I've to stop annoying her.
Looking at her face it was clear she meant it her end words were get lost I mean it because I hate you.
I know she's only 5 but I have always had a very close relationship with them both.
I sent my son a text and told him to tell her to stop sending me abusive chats, and he said omg mum was that you she was shouting at I thought it was her big sister( who's not my gc) I'm sorry mum, but I know she meant it so I told my son none of them have to contact me again and I have blocked them all routes.
I also have very bad depression and other health problems and I am too weary for drama going on.
I do think she is trying to keep up with her big sister just to try and act like everything is a drama as girls do.

Lucca Thu 18-Jun-20 07:19:06

The 5 year old’s phone?

Marydoll Thu 18-Jun-20 07:29:47

I think the problem is I give them anything they want.
Sorry to be harsh, but are you trying to buy their and your son's affection?. The more you give in, the more they will want. The situation will just get worse.
Those poor wee girls, their father spends all his money on weed and you have to pay for food. What a dreadful scenario.😱

janeainsworth Thu 18-Jun-20 07:33:00

The 5 year old has a phone and knows how to use Snapchat?
Seriously? hmm

Riverwalk Thu 18-Jun-20 07:46:38

hmm indeed.

TrendyNannie6 Thu 18-Jun-20 07:56:13

I think there’s a few problems here nanaof2, firstly you give them anything they want, Really! New toys etc, food as your son and his new partner spend all their money on weed!, not good role models are they, the five year old has got a mobile, she’s on snapchat and sent a video ranting at you as she hates you, what a mess, where’s the girls mum in all this? Is she aware that her ex and partner spend all money on weed, sorry you have depression and other health problems, I really feel for these children. Certainly not the way to parent

Davidhs Thu 18-Jun-20 08:04:11

This is going to get much worse if the parents are spending all their money on drugs Nana.

Assuming it is not a wind up!.

Furret Thu 18-Jun-20 08:13:29

Have I woken up in a parallel universe? 😳

Grammaretto Thu 18-Jun-20 08:14:10

I wonder if this is a windup!
Why complain to us?
If it's real, it's sad but DGD doesn't hate you nana. She is mimicking the others.
If you go off in a huff you will make things worse.
You love those children so help them.

harrigran Thu 18-Jun-20 08:19:56

Seriously ? Take a long hard look at yourself, wobble your head and start over.

Blinko Thu 18-Jun-20 08:26:52

How very sad sad I hope you can somehow get back on terms with them.

BlueBelle Thu 18-Jun-20 08:30:11

Is this for real or are you winding us up?
5 year old on her second phone !!!
5 year old on snapchat !!!
You buy them toys, clothes, treats every week !!!

I m sorry but I can’t take this serious enough to reply if it’s not a wind up you need grand parenting lessons sorry to be blunt if you are genuine it’s pretty unbelievable

Furret Thu 18-Jun-20 08:38:09

BB I’m beginning to rethink universal suffrage.

TerriBull Thu 18-Jun-20 08:58:22

5 year old with a phone! I thought it was bad enough when my 10 year old granddaughter got given one, not by us I might add sad story books at their ages surely! As for toys and treats every week shock aren't Christmas and birthdays there for that purpose. Too much too soon it just sounds desperately sad it's unsurprising that this child is expressing herself in a very precocious manner for one so young. Childhood is very brief theirs sound over before it's begun.

Unless as others have said it's a wind up hmm

Maggiemaybe Thu 18-Jun-20 08:58:56

If this is a genuine poster with severe depression, she really doesn’t need the snarky comments.

Maggiemaybe Thu 18-Jun-20 09:00:21

That wasn’t in reply to your post, TerriBull.

sodapop Thu 18-Jun-20 09:17:19

Your granddaughter is a five year old child and you are the adult Nanaof2 time to give her guidance and teach respect etc. You are expecting her to deal with her rather chaotic life in an adult manner. I'm sorry to hear about your health problems but really spoiling young children in this way is a recipe for disaster.

Toadinthehole Thu 18-Jun-20 09:58:31

The answer to your problem is in your post!

OceanMama Thu 18-Jun-20 10:08:21

If it is too much for you to deal with alongside your depression, it is a good idea to pull back for a while. If and when you are ready, consider what boundaries you want to set with the relationship. You have been giving so much. Do you have a counsellor you talk to? If so, maybe that's something you can talk through with them?

That is terrible behaviour from a five year old, though in the context of her life, very sad. She should be apologising to you.

I'm sorry you're hurting.

EllanVannin Thu 18-Jun-20 10:13:21

Do social services know this is going on ?

Nanaof2 Thu 18-Jun-20 11:03:38

Thanks for all your replies, and unfortunately it's not a wind up, just to clarify my son and his gf don't smoke weed for the 3 days a week they have my granddaughters, their mum can't cope all the time hence shared care, I give the kids so much because I don't want them missing out on anything. The mobile phone was her mum's doing originally not mine and I was surprised about Snapchat also but her bigger sister who is 8 has it so nothing I can do about it. I had my 5 yr old gd staying with me every weekend for the first 3 years of her life, and she was my 1st grandchild so there's always something special for your 1st, I come from a very big family and there wasn't alot of spare money for luxuries all year round, and I think this is why I give so much.

Purplepixie Thu 18-Jun-20 11:10:03

Keep in touch with them as they are only 5 years old and it not their fault that their parents are messed up! I do not agree with children of that age having mobile phones. My 4 grand children have them when they go to “big” school but not until. What the hell is the world coming to?? Stop just giving them so much stuff and back off a bit but still keep in touch. Christmas and birthday is all I do now for the grand children and they look forward to getting things. Don’t beat yourself up but you are a bit to blame.

Nanaof2 Thu 18-Jun-20 11:10:15

I called social services in, and they sorted everything out and arranged shared care, and they said that they couldn't do anything about weed because it isn't an offence to smoke it and it wasn't Infront of the children. I also give my son the children's food to ensure they have plenty in for them because my son doesn't get any money for them.

Nanaof2 Thu 18-Jun-20 11:17:40

Thankyou. I am mentally and physically disabled.

silverlining48 Thu 18-Jun-20 11:27:41

Maybe now is the time fir your son to cut back buying weed and start feeding his children with the money saved. It’s really not up to you to feed them on a regular basis. It is their fathers responsibility. Entirely.
I too am shocked they Both have phones being so young and it must have been horrible getting that nasty message. She probably doesn't mean it, she’s only 5, but it’s a good idea to stop all the presents etc. You are not a doormat, you are entitled to some consideration so hold back for a while and hope that things improve. If you are concerned about their care then go back to SS who are already aware.