Feelings of a new grandma

Congratulations! Take things day by day.

The more you agitate to see the children, the more likely things are to backfire on you.

If you are warm and friendly and don't interfere, I am sure you will see plenty of your grandchildren.

Don't make it into a competition with the other grandparents either.

As an afterthought - when I was a new mum (admittedly still quite young, at 20), I don't think it ever crossed my mind that the grandparents, either on my side or OH's, had any particular expectations.

In my mind, we were just a new young family striking out on our own. It's only with hindsight that I realize that grandparents have quite a different perspective on things!

B1nn0
Firstly, many congratulations on your grandchildren! Once Covid is over, I’m sure you will have lovely times with them and they will bring you great joy.
To answer your specific questions
1. I’m afraid you just have to accept that being the paternal Grandma isn’t the same as being the maternal one. Your DiL has only been a mother for 4 days, her emotions will be all over the place and you can’t expect her to consider your feelings just now. And your son’s priority right now has to be his partner and his children.
2. Yes, it’s awful, you have my sympathy. All we can do Is look ahead to better times.
3. That is a real worry, but think of how your son & DiL must be feeling & try to support them.
4. It’s not a competition with the other Grandma. It’s best to try to forge a friendship with her & eliminate any feelings of jealousy that you might have. Having loving grandparents who all get on with each other is the best support any family can have.
5. Of course your son is anxious and concerned. He’s looking to you for support.
6. Hopefully it will only be a matter of weeks before you can see them. Don’t worry, there will be plenty of time for them to get to know you.
7. ‘Accept the things you can’t change’ is a better way of putting it, I think.
8. I agree that’s a worry too - you don’t say how close you live to them, but if you live close enough you can always deliver precooked meals (or pay for ready meals from somewhere like Hello Fresh) or take away bags of laundry & deliver it back washed & folded.

I hope that helps. Don’t spoil being a Grandma by worrying unnecessarily and whatever you do, don’t let your son and DiL get any inkling of your insecurity re the other grandma. The last thing anyone wants at that stage of their life is a needy parent.

Good luck - try to look forward to all the happy times you have ahead,

First of all, congratulations on becoming a grandma.

My advice is to try to go with the flow.

Whatever the circumstances, new parents are just that - the parents - and they are ones to shoulder the responsibility and take the decisions. As a grandparent, be guided by those decisions and try to be supportive of them.

As a mother to two married sons, and no daughters, I can assure you that your role can be just as important as that of the maternal grandma, but it's not a competition. It's not a race, either - you might not be the one who has most involvement to begin with, but these things evolve over time.

I can understand (and am sorry ) that you are worried that your little dgd is poorly, but again, there really is nothing you can do, unless asked, except be supportive.

I really hope that all goes well for both the new family and your part in it