Hi, I’m new to this and just need a sounding board. After 6 rounds of IVF my son’s partner gave birth to twins at 34 weeks on Tuesday. They are our first and probably only grandchildren so you can imagine our elation! However, after copious socially distanced celebratory glasses, all sorts of other feelings have crept in, some of which I’ve listed below. Am I being selfish and irrational?
1. My sons partner is not my daughter - she is sharing the experience with her own mother which is natural, but I feel left out. My son is doing his best but it’s not the same.
2. I can’t see the twins and it’s breaking my heart.
3. The little girl is poorly and having tests for all sorts of nasty things and I’m worried about her. I’d feel so much better if I could see her and hug her.
4. I’m worried that the maternal grandparents will see them more. (am I a bad person?)
5. I’m worried about my son being dropped into fatherhood with premature twins after the anguish of getting pregnant in the first place. He’s doing a great job and I’m very proud of him but I can hear the concern in his voice. I can’t even hug him.
6. The twins won’t know my face or my voice when I see them.
7. My husband is feeling the same but apparently I have to ‘suck it up’.
8. When they come out they’ll need support - a single newborn to first time parents is enough of a shock, let alone twins! If the virus is still about I won’t be able to offer any and presumably the maternal grandma won’t either.
Thanks for listening - I’m not normally an anxious person - I’m a capable professional still working part time but this has reduced me to rubble when it should be a happy time!
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