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I don't want to leave LO overnight yet

(212 Posts)
Lesim91 Fri 24-Jul-20 12:40:40

Hi,

I would like to sound this out with other grandparents to see if I'm being unreasonable.

My MIL keeps asking us to leave our one year old overnight at her house but we don't feel comfortable with this. Due to the pandemic we went 4 months without seeing family but have started meeting up since he restrictions eased, so they're unfamiliar with what he likes and his routines. They also have quite an aggressive small dog who had to be put in a muzzle when we visited last week (our son was nowhere near the dog but she went for him). This makes our visits to theirs feel stressful as we're always watching the dog- they won't leave it upstairs or in another room.

We have suggested to them that they start by taking him out for the afternoon or during the day so that they can build up a relationship with him, as my son doesn't really know them that well thanks to Covid. But the overnight thing we don't feel comfortable with until he's stayed away from home with us there a few times.

My mil says I'm being unreasonable and has taken it personally. Despite the fact my husband feels the same way (it's ally doing?!) And we're ok with daytrips.

She's always been like this and is never happy. But she always makes me question myself. Do I sound unreasonable?

Kim19 Sat 25-Jul-20 11:58:18

As a mature person, even I would not enter the house where a dog that ever needs muzzling resides. To ever put a child in such jeopardy is unthinkable. I've even surprised myself by practising a few parental 'rules' that I don't actually agree with. Don't have a 'my house my rules' mindset. I have total respect for my S/SP parenting. I had my turn. The difference is that my lovely Mum was not slow to comment when she thought some of my rearing was dotty. Still makes me smile (though it probably didn't at the time!).

theresacoo Sat 25-Jul-20 11:57:54

Your baby, your rules!
Stick firm and trust yourself hun.

Flakesdayout Sat 25-Jul-20 11:55:47

You are not being unreasonable. The dog is a real issue for a start.

I didnt trust my MIL with my boys, she specifically used to go against my wishes and I eventually stopped them staying overnight. We fell out big time when she wanted to take them overseas and I said No. My Mum was completely different and I knew they were safe.

Trust your instincts and if you upset her, then so be it.

rowyn Sat 25-Jul-20 11:47:32

Its a different situation but I think it reinforces your concerns.
My DD and family were very friendly with another family, and had looked after their dog for a couple of weekends with no problem. Then my 2 GS ( 6 and 9 years old) were playing in the living room at the other family's house one day , when the dog bit my younger grandson's face. The mother of the other family was in the kitchen. It narrowly missed his eye. It wasn't a big bite so a visit to Alder Hey hospital in Liverpool , a good 40 miles from where they lived, and some stitches were all that was needed, plus slow recovery from the emotional impact on all the family.
AS far as my DD was concerned, the ( quite small) dog was friendly and obedient. If your inlaws possess a dog that needs to be muzzled, never in a million years would I leave a child anywhere near it even if I was there , and quite frankly, would tell them they could see their GS as much as they like at your house without the dog, but wouldn't even consider visiting them with child whilst the dog remains there.

Caro57 Sat 25-Jul-20 11:47:06

You are not being unreasonable - and what is the point of leaving a child in an environment where it is not going to be settled / learn to fear dogs and you are not going to relax

maximka25 Sat 25-Jul-20 11:38:16

You absolutely don't have to leave your child overnight, now or any time soon. Even if the dog was out of the picture. I don't understand this insistence of grandparents to have their grandchild(ren) overnight as if it's some kind of right.

Razzy Sat 25-Jul-20 11:36:17

Your MIL certainly shouldn’t make you feel like you have to defend your own decisions! Perhaps to keep the peace suggest that they take your LO out for an afternoon or for a walk. I love dogs but I’d not be happy if it had already gone for your child, and I wouldn’t trust them to keep the two apart. Trust your gut feeling.

harrysgran Sat 25-Jul-20 11:29:53

You are more than reasonable allowing them to take your baby on outings they need to build a relationship if your MIL takes it personally tough as for a sleep over the dog would make it a definite no for me

rocketstop Sat 25-Jul-20 11:28:21

Not unreasonable at all. In fact I think it's lovely that you allow her to have him a while, take him on outings or whatever, and you are not saying 'No' you are saying 'Not just yet'.

The dog issue is perfectly understandable, and you would be a horrid Mother if you sent your child off not knowing if he would be safe. Stick, very nicely to your guns !

BeenBizzy Sat 25-Jul-20 11:27:25

Why not try to keep the peace, with a suggestion that..... ...... The baby can stay over night so long as the dog is in kennels some miles away.....
That way baby is safe, your happier and grandma has got what she wants.
HOWEVER....... you might just find it difficult to agree on day and date to suit you both. ?

handbaghoarder Sat 25-Jul-20 11:24:16

Its hard being a MIL. Theres no handbook and you dont always get it right ....
BUT.........I have 6 grandkids and thankfully have been very hands on with them from their earliest days. In these circumstances there is no way I would want/ have the little one stay over! And yes she is being unreasonable and acting the way she is to get her own way. And the poor dog. God forbid but if anything happened that would be the end of him too.
Stick to your guns. You know you are right. Let her get on with it. And it might teach her a lesson for the future too if you dont give in to her.

Rosina Sat 25-Jul-20 11:17:30

Not unreasonable at all. I am a passionate lifelong dog lover and a complete advocate of animals and children being brought up together for all the best reasons, but under no circumstances would I have a snappy or aggresive dog within miles of a child. You can have a disaster in seconds - and a life changing injury. If your MiL can't see that then she isn't being responsible and her reaction is unreasonable. I would show her these replies....

Harris27 Sat 25-Jul-20 11:14:51

It’s your child and up to you but the dog for me would be a deciding factor. I’ve got with me and I did take it personally at first but I’m the mother of sons and always knew I’d take a back seat and accept it now doesn’t even bother me now. And I’m a nursery nurse ha ha! Had enough by Friday!

Mauriherb Sat 25-Jul-20 11:12:29

Like everyone else I don't think you are being unreasonable but does he ever stay overnight at your parents? Just wondering if your MIL is jealous. My granddaughter is 3 and was going to have her 1st sleepover as lockdown started. I have had her overnight but at their house, not mine . Stick to your guns he's your baby

cass123 Sat 25-Jul-20 11:11:24

I don't think you are unreasonable. I do however think your MIL is especially with that dog.
I think you should show her all these responses. I have 4 grandchildren. I would however not have a dog because of the children. Dogs do get jealous. Children have been killed by aggresive dogs. You would never forgive yourself. Believe it or not I am a dog lover. However my Grandchildren are always my priority. NEVER TRUST A DOG.
Stick to your instincts. You need to look after your children.

rosekearsey Sat 25-Jul-20 11:10:10

You are the best judge of what is best for your child. I would not allow it personally. I am also a bit confused - is your MIL single and in a bubble with you? If so fine but if not how can she touch you or your family let alone look after a small person. Just because we are indoors with just one other family group and can’t be seen we are still meant to be socially distancing. I have a number of good friends who are posting pictures of family groups holding children and babies all huddled together - makes me feel sad that I haven’t touched anyone in my family because I am following the rules. Have I got it wrong?

Beau1958 Sat 25-Jul-20 11:08:58

You’ve got the support from alot of sensible caring people on here. Trust your instincts with your children they are the priority here. And good luck with the MIL X

GoldenAge Sat 25-Jul-20 11:06:13

You are NOT being unreasonable - the dog is one consideration but it’s not the most important - that is how you feel about it and once you give in to this demand you will be on a slippery slope because the request will come for him to stay for two nights and then it will become a case of having to say no when they want to take him away for a few days. They can form a perfectly good relationship with your son in your presence and I wonder what it is that she wants - maybe she’s the kind of grandma who wants to share secrets with her grandchild - the “don’t tell mummy type” - stick to your position - you’re not excluding her from
normal family interaction And she needs to get used to her place as grandma. I did always love being at my daughter’s at bath time so I could have my share and maybe you could invite her round to do that kind of thing but she needs to realise that she’s not in charge - you are and you sound to be very reasonable.

Dibbydod Sat 25-Jul-20 11:05:20

No way are you being unreasonable , it’s you MIL that’s being unreasonable . I have a 7 month old granddaughter I also have a little dog who is extremely docile , but if he were aggressive type dog then no way would I want him in the same room as a baby , not even older children, can’t understand why your MIL doesn’t see this for herself . You stick to your guns on this one along with your husbands support.

ReadyMeals Sat 25-Jul-20 11:02:05

No you're not being unreasonable at all. The poor kid is just one year old and the peak age for getting separation anxiety (that's why they say if you need to use day care, get them used to it by about 8 -10 months or else leave it till nearer 2.

Annie29 Sat 25-Jul-20 11:00:52

No you are not being unreasonable.

MarieEliza Sat 25-Jul-20 10:56:28

If you don’t feel comfortable about something don’t go against your natural inclination. I never left my children with anyone for the first 5 years. If someone takes offence it is their problem to solve not yours. Be kind but assertive, It’s your child and your decision

henetha Sat 25-Jul-20 10:56:13

One year old is far too young for sleep-overs, no matter how loving and efficient the grandparents might be.
And then there is the dog, it's a no brainer. You are not being unreasonable. Mother-in-law is.

Chris0 Sat 25-Jul-20 10:52:18

I would never leave my child in a house with an aggressive dog especially one that has already gone to bite them. You are not being unreasonable you are seeing to the safety of your child. Too many children have died bring mauled by family pets

Pinkrinse Sat 25-Jul-20 10:50:51

No you're not being unreasonable she is. The dog should be in another room or garden when you visit especially with a young child. It your child not theirs, so they have to abide by your wishes. I had one gc from 10 months, but the other didn't stay until 5 years - it was only when my GC kept asking to stay that the parents agreed. We didn't push and just said whenever you or they are ready thats fine with us. Don't be bullied.