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I don't want to leave LO overnight yet

(212 Posts)
Lesim91 Fri 24-Jul-20 12:40:40

Hi,

I would like to sound this out with other grandparents to see if I'm being unreasonable.

My MIL keeps asking us to leave our one year old overnight at her house but we don't feel comfortable with this. Due to the pandemic we went 4 months without seeing family but have started meeting up since he restrictions eased, so they're unfamiliar with what he likes and his routines. They also have quite an aggressive small dog who had to be put in a muzzle when we visited last week (our son was nowhere near the dog but she went for him). This makes our visits to theirs feel stressful as we're always watching the dog- they won't leave it upstairs or in another room.

We have suggested to them that they start by taking him out for the afternoon or during the day so that they can build up a relationship with him, as my son doesn't really know them that well thanks to Covid. But the overnight thing we don't feel comfortable with until he's stayed away from home with us there a few times.

My mil says I'm being unreasonable and has taken it personally. Despite the fact my husband feels the same way (it's ally doing?!) And we're ok with daytrips.

She's always been like this and is never happy. But she always makes me question myself. Do I sound unreasonable?

TrendyNannie6 Sat 25-Jul-20 09:15:39

She thinks you are being unreasonable!! She should look at the bigger picture an aggressive dog, a young baby! She doesn’t call the shots, you as the parents do, very selfish all about her, and what she wants and expects, you say she’s demanding and never happy, good luck with her, I’m glad your husband is sticking to the rules too,

silverlining48 Sat 25-Jul-20 09:13:07

Lucca grin

Tanjamaltija Sat 25-Jul-20 09:12:30

The child is yours. You get to decide where he stays, what he eats, and where he sleeps. Why does she insist that he stays there? So that she can flaunt the fact with her cronies? So she is one up on them? Ask her the reason she wants to have him overnight; not to give in, but just so you know what's on her mind.

Lucca Sat 25-Jul-20 09:09:18

vampirequeen

The dog is enough to make you say no. If she takes umbridge then that's her problem.

Agreed. Can I be cheeky and ask if umbridge is where offended Archers love?....

NfkDumpling Fri 24-Jul-20 20:15:56

A dog lover here (with visiting GDog lounging on the sofa beside me right now), but if your MiL has a dog which needs to be muzzled DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES LEAVE A CHILD ALONE WITH IT! EVER! Sorry, I don’t generally shout but that dog sees your child as an intruder. The opposition. Someone to take his/her place. And s/he has teeth. Sharp ones.

Your baby. Your rules. It’s up to you and your partner alone if and when you leave your precious child with anyone. As Callistemon says you don’t often see a thread on here where there is complete unanimity - it may be a first. Print it out and show it to her.

Elrel Fri 24-Jul-20 20:01:50

Please don’t question yourself! You and your husband are right for all the reasons you mention.

Callistemon Fri 24-Jul-20 19:55:39

Here

Callistemon Fri 24-Jul-20 19:55:15

If there's a problem you could show her this thread.
I think most on her are parents and grandparents and I think we are unanimous.

Which makes a change. smile

Scentia Fri 24-Jul-20 18:25:05

Wouldn’t matter to me if he was 10, with a dog that needs muzzling when he is there he wouldn’t be stopping.

gt66 Fri 24-Jul-20 18:02:16

You are definitely not being unreasonable. As soon as I read the bit about the dog I thought 'oh no, please don't take the risk'.

Many years ago when my daughter was very young, my in laws had a dog that often bared it's teeth and growled at her. They admonished it, but when I think back it makes me shudder....

Chewbacca Fri 24-Jul-20 17:28:01

Think you've made the right decision all in all*Lesim*. Keep your eyes on that dog!

Lesim91 Fri 24-Jul-20 17:26:25

Toadinthehole thank you, I've had my fair share of horror stories related to my MIL but I've always tried to keep things civil as the rest of my in-laws are lovely and I wouldn't want my husband or my son to miss out on seeing them x

Toadinthehole Fri 24-Jul-20 17:20:54

You sound lovely and very accommodating. I suggest you read some of the estrangement threads and you’ll see some real horrors of MIL’s. Get yourself prepared!?

Lesim91 Fri 24-Jul-20 17:16:24

Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond!

We're going to stick to our guns with the overnight thing. We give them plenty of opportunities to see him- we've seen them most weekends since the restrictions eased.

We're also going to be politely request that the dog is kept upstairs on our next visit, otherwise all visiting will have to take place at our house!

Thanks for your responses, she always makes me doubt myself xx

Esspee Fri 24-Jul-20 16:29:54

Lovely to see a unanimous response.

Esspee Fri 24-Jul-20 16:28:40

LO - Little One

BlueBelle Fri 24-Jul-20 16:06:57

What’s an LO Lost Oranges?

NotSpaghetti Fri 24-Jul-20 15:56:07

I think you should just say you don't want him to stay.
Irrespective of the wretched dog!

We just said no. It was tough. We said "no, thank you for the offer. We will bear it in mind for when they are bigger"

And just kept repeating it. We said we felt they weren't ready. They can argue with how you feel.
They will argue with anything rational if you try to have reasons!

I think this is a big lesson in that feelings are 100% impossible to argue with. They are yours and no one can deny them... they might say they make no sense but, hey, this is just how you feel.

Good luck.

MiniMoon Fri 24-Jul-20 15:46:38

No, you are not being unreasonable. A one year old is very little to be leaving with anyone overnight.

I waited until the grandchildren asked to come for a sleepover. DGD was about 2 1/2 before she wanted to stay.

We had a little terrier. She was the loveliest, most gentle little dog but I didn't trust her around the babies. Whenever they visited I put the dog into the kitchen and there she stayed until they left. The DGC were introduced to her gradually.

You have to think of the happiness and safety of your son. It comes before the wants of a grown woman who should understand your reluctance.

eazybee Fri 24-Jul-20 15:46:09

No way; he is not a toy, nor a pet to be loaned out. If she persists, and if/when you feel ready, say about two years down the line, agree, but you stay as well.

Smileless2012 Fri 24-Jul-20 15:41:34

No, nothing unreasonable about your decision.

AGAA4 Fri 24-Jul-20 15:38:50

Much as I love my one year old grandson I wouldn't want him to stay for his own sake. They need their parents at that age and this sounds as though your MiL is only thinking of herself not the baby.

I wouldn't take him at all while there is a vicious dog in the house.

TerriBull Fri 24-Jul-20 15:37:25

"One step back" has always been my motto. We have had the grandchildren overnight when they were very young, as requested by their parents, but what's so great about having little ones wander into your bedroom at stupid o'clock, often still dark, with a "time to get up nana/grandad"grin

TerriBull Fri 24-Jul-20 15:33:42

"I'm at a loss to fathom the reason some grandparents crave overnight stays" playing mummy again vicariously. Seemingly having been a parent once, is not enough for some, must do it all over again with grandchild/ren, even if the actual parents don't want that hmm

Peardrop50 Fri 24-Jul-20 15:23:21

I am at a loss to fathom the reason some grandparents crave overnight stays. For little people to wake up in the night in a bed that's not their own and neither Mummy nor Daddy present could be quite upsetting. Be patient and wait until little four, five, six year old asks to stay then it becomes a joyful, exciting adventure.
Lesim91 your baby, your call. I think the baby is far too young and I'd certainly be wary of the dog.