Should I be offended?

Cheeky, snobby people. Suggest they put their unwanted stuff on Freecycle. It's a great system. The receiver collects the item, maybe does it up for themselves or maybe refurbishes it (eg, a bike) and sells it on.

It’s really all about learning to say ‘no’ isn’t it? Some men are as bad as women about doing this.If you don’t want something you have to say no thanks...but you can always add
( if you feel it necessary) thanks for thinking of me though.
This goes for cold callers wanting something at the door/phone as well as neighbours or friends offering you something.
The only exception to this ( for me) is a neighbour on the doorstep, beaming and saying I’ve brought you some of my runner beans etc.Even if I decided later to throw them away, I would still take them, as it was a kind act.

Sandelf. I too derive pleasure telling some (snobbish) folk where I am from (Merseyside). Someone once said "but you sound kind of posh". Talk about snobbery?

I think these are probably from the 1950s sussexborn . Maybe I could sell them as retro!

Tillybelle. Snobena!! ? Love that.

Are the Hawaiian shirts unisex? My OH has a selection that he wears on holidays! The more garish the better as far as he is concerned. I just keep my sunglasses on to avoid eye strain.

How awful - to judge someone by where they live. Where we live does not have anything to do with how much money we have or indeed how well educated we are. I get so annoyed with snobbery - and it can work both ways. How often do we hear someone described as 'posh' just because they speak differently or indeed appear to have a bigger house or better car etc or vice versa people turning their nose up at those who appear to be less well off. We are all equal no matter what we have accumulated in life, how we speak, where we live etc etc (the list is endless). Don't waste your energy on these people - they're not worth it.

Years ago I attended a return to work course. One of the participants appeared to be very glamorous and sophisticated. When we got to the assertiveness part of the course it was very sad. She hated what she had become and it was all down to bullying by her OH as he felt he had an image to project. Her children had started to join in on his side as well. From the outside she appeared to have everything but inside she was crumbling.

Oh [LindyR] This sort of thing does make me laugh - admittedly what's happened to you is really annoying. I 'pass' for middle class (I am but that's not the point) - parents were headteachers, always had middle class sort of jobs etc. Where I live now, there is a great 'fear' of new building and this is given emphasis by rumours of 'them' going to fill said houses with people from Liverpool! That's when I tell folk that's where I come from - you can see them resolving to count the silver knives as soon as I've gone!

It's annoying and patronising but I would try to ignore it.
I am one of four sisters. Our oldest sister is extremely well off. For some reason she sees the three of us as poor relations. We're not well off like her but doing very nicely thank you.
When she lived near us, we would get a call every now and then and said 'I have some clothes I'm getting rid of. I thought you might like to have a look before I take them to the charity shop.'
Rather than upset her, we would gather at her house on the appointed day to be presented with what were mostly hideous things. She was bigger than all if us. We should have said 'no thank you' but we took some so as not to offend her. Never mind that we were offended! She didn't seem to notice that we never wore them. I have a selection of Hawaiian shirts somewhere!

LindyR, I hope your friend wasn't offended when you passed on that old bike!

Hi LindyR. It does come across, on the face of it, as rather insulting behaviour - especially when they thought the old car wasn’t very good, but would’ve been good enough for you!! The very idea! And yes - it would’ve been better to not “accept” the bike, but some people can be very persuasive. I’m wondering whether these people had approached several other neighbours, not just yourselves? Politely decline if they offer you anything else. Easy for me to say - I can sometimes be taken off-guard and say yes when I mean no! ? I wonder, also, whether they were having some cash flow problems, especially during the time of COVID. Ok, they live in a big posh house, with the huge outgoings that that entails, but maybe their income has dipped lately? Or maybe they don’t want to use eBay/charity shops for the bike and didn’t want to sell car to someone they didn’t know? Just a thought.

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I have an underlying pity for a lot of those type of people as they haven't got everything really, have they ?

How many knock downs does it take to make you want to not get up again?
So many posters here come back with a definite response to the offender (some a bit jokey but others seem quite serious). Others just seem able to shrug it off and carry on smiling.
Just curious as I seem to have lost my bounce back over the last couple of days.

Their insecurity not your problem! Personally, if someone wants to offer me a really useful freebie I'll take it and if I don't need it I'll pass it on to the charity shops or another friend. Recycling is very important these days. I won't buy something just because someone wants an easy way to get rid of it though, that's cheeky.

LindyR I'm not trying to persuade you to tell us, so please do not think that, but I immediately wondered, assuming you are in the UK, which part you are in. My reason being that I was born in the affluent home counties and around my 50s moved to the East Midlands. The immediate absence of snobbery was so beautiful! Indeed I only heard bits of it, tinged with what I assume they regarded as polite racism, when southerners invited themselves to stay over on their way on holiday further north!

I really feel for you! People like this right opposite your home it must be very upsetting. If you meet the woman who works in your field at another conference, I was wondering if you could just try persistently talking to her! Kind of go up to her and loudly say, "Oh Snobena! Fancy you being here! I could have given you a lift!" turning to the crowd you say "Snobena lives in my road, you know, she's quite well known in our neighbourhood."
To the bike-shovers just be short and to the point, "We haven't got room for your junk, thank you". If junk is too rude say cast-offs. Or the "My husband is an aficionado and we would not use that type of old bike." Then they natter on, so you repeat "My husband is a bike expert and we would never..." Just use the broken record technique, repeat repeat repeat...

As it happens, my daughter when living in London had the woman opposite (WO) come to her door and say "Will your husband come over and fix my gate as soon as he can?" (I think it was a gate - it was a while ago). My daughter, bemused, asked why the lady thought her husband would be any good at that. WO said, "Well isn't he some kind of odd-job man?" Actually he's a senior Partner in a famous group of Solicitors and they are living out of London currently, as he is doing Government work on a project frequently in the News. Well it was before COVID. People make assumptions!

I grew up in a feudal village with a Lord of the Manor living in a Manor House. Subsequently at his death his daughter succeeded the title and lost the Manor House to Inheritance Tax. She and my father, a lowly farm worker who was born on his father's farm which subsequently was sold, had known each other all their lives, having worked adjacent farms. We had an 80th birthday party for dad in the historic barn. The Lady of the manor, in jumper and trousers, was filling kettles to boil. My cousin's wife, in frilly blouse and high heels was swaggering around looking for the Lady of the Manor, to suck up to. At one point she came to us at the Food Serving area and totally ignored Lady X - clearly she looked far too common to be the Lady of the Manor! This is what I love about Princess Anne. She looks after her horses and cleans up the yard when she is not out doing great work for Save the Children etc. She never makes a big fuss nor tries to grab headlines. She is down to earth, caring and decent.

good grief!

class and snobbery still goes on,? I wouldn`t recognise it if it bit me on the butt!

I have lived in this smallish close for 20 odd years, and I have NO IDEA as to my neighbours financial circumstances or otherwise! some of the houses are obviously larger than others, and I suspect some are tenants, but who cares?

I had a sister in law in my first marriage who wouldn't buy anything in Woolworths even good brand named electrical items. She often bought completely identical items at a much higher price at an upmarket shop in a nice part of town.
Your neighbours sound awful so just be busy next time they approach you.

Rocknroll5me

People are doing others an enormous favour accepting their old stuff or stuff they have upgraded. Charity shops kindly accept such goods making the giver feel good. So just apologise for not helping them out and advise on a charity shop.
I don’t think there is any virtue buying new if you want something, and it is available passed on, that is good for everyone especially the planet.
So no don’t be offended in principle but only you will know if you feel you are being slighted.
I can’t imagine offering my cast offs to anyone other than those I know very well for a reason, finding charity shops much more convenient and eager for good contributions.
Neighbourhood forums are great too, I’m often surprised how many people gratefully take up the offers in exchange for the effort of picking them up and removing them.
I thought the patronising notion of the privileged visiting the less- privileged with goodies died out centuries ago.

I agree with all of the above, though.....I would quite like the privileged to visit me with goodies.?

To the OP, I would say as a few others have done, be more assertive.It isn’t hard to refuse something with a smile.Or even with a frown, come to that.

Don't waste your time being upset by these silly people, smile, be gracious, and say no thanks. Life is too short.

We were all born equal, snobbery is the worst trait.
I’d return the compliment and offer to sell them something you want rid of....in the spirit of recycling of course.

My lovely mum always used to say “dismiss it whence it cometh”

Think I’d rather have you as a neighbour than them

Lindy All you need to say is “That’s very kind of you, but no thank you.”
Whether you are offended or not is entirely your choice. There is no obligation to be offended, as the title of your thread implies.
You can waste a lot of emotional energy getting upset/offended or you can laugh it off and enjoy life.
It’s nothing to do with relative wealth, snobbery, size of house etc.
It’s about how you choose to react to something.
Put your big girl knickers on & move on.

Snobs. In my book, they are on a par with liars. Please do not give them the time of day. The person who gave you the bike had no right to ask for compensation, since he did not do so immediately, and indeed told you to get it off him. The woman who blanked you must assume there is not room enough in town for both of you doing the same thing. Practice your deadpan face, as I do.