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Did he know? (poss triggering)

(106 Posts)
MaryTheBookeeper Sun 23-Aug-20 09:39:38

I want to ask about something that happened to me 20yrs ago that was really creepy at the time. It's not very pleasant, hence the triggering warning.

We were having a lot of decorating work done on the house & the chap doing it was with us for months. He was highly recommeded & well known & had been friends with my neighbours for years. He was friendly & hard working. He wore shorts & a t-shirt much of the time with a painter's protective all-in-one garment over the top. This garment was made of that thin but toughened papery stuff with poppers down the front.

It was summer at the time & he called me to the upstairs landing to discuss some detail. He didn't bat an eyelid but I immediately noticed the lower poppers on his garment were undone & his penis was clearly visible as the fabric gaped open. I was shocked and very uncomfortable but I pretended I hadn't noticed & quickly left. What the f was going on? I've suddenly remembered this this morning. Even if he went to the loo & the popper didn't catch properly, where were his pants? Can it be normal to strip naked under a painting suit in hot weather?

I never told my dh because he'd have gone ballistic but I realise now I should've said something. Thankfully nothing else happened. But I did have to endure him in our house until the job was finished. So I'm asking, did he know full well or do you think it was totally innocent?

Namsnanny Tue 25-Aug-20 11:33:48

if only I'd split some tea on it....!!
[Grin]
My thoughts too but it's easy after the event isnt it notinthemanual?

Notinthemanual Mon 24-Aug-20 13:54:41

Chewbacca Maybe. But did he know? I think he did. Hmm?? Women often don't realise a breast has broken free. Now I'm not so sure.
Now I'm thinking, if only I'd spilt the tea on it I could've saved him future embarrassment. wink

Millie22 Mon 24-Aug-20 13:48:42

I'm sure he must have known. I would have walked back into the room with a pair of scissors and pretended I was doing some sewing.

Chewbacca Mon 24-Aug-20 13:23:31

Could it have just been a wardrobe malfunction Notinthemanual?

Notinthemanual Mon 24-Aug-20 13:07:01

I had practically the same experience. The man was installing double-glazing. I'd taken tea to him and his young helper. He was kneeling down so the legs of his shorts had ridden up and his penis was peeking out. His helper was puce so I'm certain he knew. I ignored it. Try explaining to another workman why they need to pick up a half finished job.
I was disgusted and whenever I remember this I wonder why men do that, what part of their brain is mis-wired to enjoy being repulsive?

FarNorth Mon 24-Aug-20 11:11:44

The natural reaction to something embarrassing is to ignore it.
That, and shock at being alone with a man who may be exposing himself deliberately and may be thinking of doing more, would usually prevent the smart comments that some tell us they'd make.

But do have a good chortle, if you like.

harrigran Mon 24-Aug-20 09:21:22

I think as a nurse I would have frowned and said " are you getting treatment, doesn't look right " ?
He would have had a few sleepless nights wondering if you had spotted something wrong with his penis ?

janeainsworth Mon 24-Aug-20 06:57:56

Bluebelle Oh my word Janeainesworth up the anti now this lady needs professional counselling You must have all led sheltered lives
It was a tongue-in-cheek comment wink

Oopsminty Mon 24-Aug-20 01:35:20

I was flashed a couple of times. I can't say it did me any harm. Of course I don't condone it

Reminds me of a film. No idea what film. A couple of women walk past a guy who opens his coat, revealing himself, and asks what they think

She snappily replied 'it looks like a penis, only smaller'

Always makes me giggle

I am rather immature

Eloethan Mon 24-Aug-20 01:25:18

I was going home on the tube with a friend of mine one evening and a man wearing quite short shorts got on. When he sat down, his penis was showing. We were very silly and kept sniggering at each other, perhaps to disguise our discomfort. I certainly wouldn't have felt like sniggering if I'd been on my own.

We discussed afterwards whether he'd deliberately exposed himself and came to the conclusion that he probably did. He looked rather anxious and flustered and so perhaps it was some sort of awful compunction he felt to expose himself.

I think if something like that happened in my home, I would not want the man to return but I can see why the OP felt uncomfortable mentioning it to her husband.

Callistemon Sun 23-Aug-20 23:13:37

The more it is not reported, the more it will continue to happen.

MissAdventure Sun 23-Aug-20 22:48:07

It's been said numerous times, in lots of different ways, as well as asking if the OP is telling in order to get some kind of enjoyment out of shocking people.
Asking if she is new, saying what they would have done, and hinting that people are somehow too prudish to ever see mens bits. (Even if they thought they were nipping upstairs to look at a roll of wallpaper)

Summerlove Sun 23-Aug-20 22:45:39

Re-read the thread
It’s all over here

Chewbacca Sun 23-Aug-20 22:28:45

Exactly, and why would they say anything when so many women tell them it’s not an issue and they should either get over it or told they handled it wrong and are weak?

Who said that?

Summerlove Sun 23-Aug-20 22:23:14

Esspee

I love the way people say they know exactly how they would react when confronted with a situation such as the OP described.
In reality it is far more normal for a woman to freeze, and equally normal for her to be unable to tell anyone what happened, sometimes for years, sometimes never.

I am not speaking of fragile snowflakes but strong women who you would expect to challenge whatever situation arose.

Exactly, and why would they say anything when so many women tell them it’s not an issue and they should either get over it or told they handled it wrong and are weak?

Esspee Sun 23-Aug-20 22:21:44

I love the way people say they know exactly how they would react when confronted with a situation such as the OP described.
In reality it is far more normal for a woman to freeze, and equally normal for her to be unable to tell anyone what happened, sometimes for years, sometimes never.

I am not speaking of fragile snowflakes but strong women who you would expect to challenge whatever situation arose.

Lucca Sun 23-Aug-20 22:19:57

MissAdventure

I'm all for seeing a cock, when the owner of it has checked it's ok to show it to me.
I'm amazed that women can be so dismissive.

I expect it would be different if it happened to one of your darling family members. (Excuse the pun!)

I’m still chortling at your first sentence.

Summerlove Sun 23-Aug-20 22:19:25

BlueBelle

By the way whatever you do never watch Naked Bodies you might see a willy

Totally different
At that point you are choosing.

Not having the choice thrust upon you.

“He’s probably dead now”. So? So is Hitler. So is Churchill. So is Diana. So are many countless other everyday people. We still talk about their deeds and how they affected people.

Mamamayo Sun 23-Aug-20 22:17:59

He knew! This type of crap really makes me angry especially being the mother of three daughters.
I was a few years younger than you when I had a similar experience. I was working as a waitress. I had a guy sitting in a booth with his back up against the wall. He had his left leg up on the seat and his right leg under the table. He was wearing shorts. I believe they were red. I went up to take his order when I saw all of his junk hanging out and resting on the seat. I was young and timid back then so I didn’t do anything. If it were to happen now you can bet I would react differently. You cannot tell me he didn’t know!!

Peardrop50 Sun 23-Aug-20 22:03:47

Sorry, I used the 'quote' to remind me of FarNorth's words and meant to clear it before I posted. I do agree with a recent thread that the quote boxes are annoying.

Peardrop50 Sun 23-Aug-20 22:01:50

FarNorth

We are old.
We've recently had to ditch most things that made our lives interesting.
Our minds ramble about through our memories.
Strange puzzling things from the past may come to the surface, and we wonder what others would think about them.

Of course, some of us seem not to do that and content ourselves with replying snappily to those who do.

Oh well.

I'm inclined to agree with FarNorth.
Odd things from the past crop up in our rambling minds.
I didn't get the impression that the poster was traumatised but just curious about what others might think or do in such a situation.
A few surprisingly snappy answers from some who are usually much kinder.
The post reminded me that I did pass a flasher (dirty old man) on my way to work when I was in my twenties, I don't think it registered until I'd gone a few yards along the road.
Not thought about it again until now.
I'm not belittling others experiences though and intentional flashing is wrong of course.

MissAdventure Sun 23-Aug-20 21:31:30

grin

lemongrove Sun 23-Aug-20 21:31:13

....and on that note, over and out ( a bit like the willy).

MissAdventure Sun 23-Aug-20 21:30:03

Yes, and everyone is different.

lemongrove Sun 23-Aug-20 21:29:22

My darling daughters are middle aged women who I sincerely hope could deal with this situation MissA without being all of a tremble.They would either pretend not to have noticed ( unless he did it again) or said what I would have said.If he had been told to do up his poppers he wouldn’t have done it again.