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Did he know? (poss triggering)

(105 Posts)
MaryTheBookeeper Sun 23-Aug-20 09:39:38

I want to ask about something that happened to me 20yrs ago that was really creepy at the time. It's not very pleasant, hence the triggering warning.

We were having a lot of decorating work done on the house & the chap doing it was with us for months. He was highly recommeded & well known & had been friends with my neighbours for years. He was friendly & hard working. He wore shorts & a t-shirt much of the time with a painter's protective all-in-one garment over the top. This garment was made of that thin but toughened papery stuff with poppers down the front.

It was summer at the time & he called me to the upstairs landing to discuss some detail. He didn't bat an eyelid but I immediately noticed the lower poppers on his garment were undone & his penis was clearly visible as the fabric gaped open. I was shocked and very uncomfortable but I pretended I hadn't noticed & quickly left. What the f was going on? I've suddenly remembered this this morning. Even if he went to the loo & the popper didn't catch properly, where were his pants? Can it be normal to strip naked under a painting suit in hot weather?

I never told my dh because he'd have gone ballistic but I realise now I should've said something. Thankfully nothing else happened. But I did have to endure him in our house until the job was finished. So I'm asking, did he know full well or do you think it was totally innocent?

Soozikinzi Sun 23-Aug-20 09:42:23

I think he knew . Basically he exposed himself to you .

Pantglas2 Sun 23-Aug-20 09:42:51

He knew.

lemongrove Sun 23-Aug-20 09:45:40

I expect he just wanted to catch a pleasant breeze to his nether regions.....who wouldn’t in hot weather Mary 😉

Glorybee Sun 23-Aug-20 09:45:53

Definitely on purpose. I’ve been flashed at many times (when I was young) as I’m sure many GNers have.

lemongrove Sun 23-Aug-20 09:46:57

You are joking about the triggering?🤣

TwiceAsNice Sun 23-Aug-20 09:47:13

He knew. I know it must have been a shock but it’s a pity you didn’t say something at the time. He got away with it and continued to go into peoples homes. He may have had the opportunity to expose himself to a child. A man exposed himself on the canal bank to me and my cousin when we were young and innocent, I’ve never forgotten it.

Namsnanny Sun 23-Aug-20 09:57:13

He knew, it's a power thing.
I would bet the question he called you upstairs for wasnt the least bit important. Just a ruse to falter facilitate the stupid infantile act.

Dibbydod Sun 23-Aug-20 10:00:05

I would say he knew because if he were innocent then he would have made sure he wore at least his pants underneath his garment in the hot weather , as he would have known that if he didn’t do his poppers up properly then he would know that this would likely to have happened . So yes, he knew what he was doing . Shame that he got away with it though because if he could do it to you then he could do same to anyone else.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Sun 23-Aug-20 10:02:25

Yes, he did know. He chose to do this and he also took the chance that you would be too polite to say anything and too timid to complain. Am I right in assuming that you were Mrs Quiet and Shy in your younger days? I don't think he'd have tried it with Mrs Bold and Confident. These types 'pick their victims' and they know exactly what they're doing. Am I too cynical? I don't think so.

Bellanonna Sun 23-Aug-20 10:06:21

That was a long time ago, OP.

kittylester Sun 23-Aug-20 10:06:29

Can someone explain 'triggering'.

Namsnanny Sun 23-Aug-20 10:13:29

As a 12y + young girl this happened often when out walking (no money for the bus!). My parents told me to never act shocked and run to the nearest house.
I havent thought of this for years a d thanks to their pragmatic and practical no nonsense attitude the few more serious events that happened later on I delt with.

My point being that this post was triggering for me although not seriously so.

So I Thank marythebookkeeper for giving others the opportunity to pass!

Namsnanny Sun 23-Aug-20 10:15:12

kittylester .... triggering = a subject that will remind o e of a bad situation.

grannyrebel7 Sun 23-Aug-20 10:15:48

I have to ask was it up or down?

Namsnanny Sun 23-Aug-20 10:16:24

Sorry not very well explained. Google will do better!

Oopsminty Sun 23-Aug-20 10:19:16

No idea if he knew

MawB2 Sun 23-Aug-20 10:20:53

20 years ago is 20 years ago.
You were not a schoolgirl flashed by a man in a dirty Mac but a mature adult in your own home. Were you traumatised by it? And if so why on earth not tell your husband.
I see why counsellors delve into the past where it is relevant to a client’s issues but wonder why ever OP has brought this up now.
Is this just going to elicit any number of posts about people’s experience of flashers. Remember - your posts can be read and quoted by all sorts in all areas.
And what is triggering ?

kittylester Sun 23-Aug-20 10:21:51

Thanks namsnanny.

Very kind of the OP to warn us!

MawB2 Sun 23-Aug-20 10:21:55

Thank you Namsnanny for the explanation.

EllanVannin Sun 23-Aug-20 10:30:06

Sickening. I'd have quietly shown him the door and he certainly wouldn't have argued. What's more, I wouldn't have paid him either, something else he couldn't have argued about. knowing full well why.
Then I'd have had a quiet word with a police officer to try and prevent other victims of these horrible incidents.

MawB2 Sun 23-Aug-20 10:34:24

Or if you really could do confrontation, stayed out of his way for the rest of the day and then put his brushes and ladders etc outside the door overnight with a note to say he wasn’t needed any more - signed by you AND your husband.

Bellanonna Sun 23-Aug-20 10:43:00

Kitty 😄

Namsnanny Sun 23-Aug-20 10:44:48

kittylester, MawB2 smile

rafichagran Sun 23-Aug-20 10:46:09

It was twenty years ago, I was flashed at when younger, I laugh about it now, dont look for explanations it just happened.
He was just a dirty sad man, so just forget about it.