Having a down day

As Captain Tom says "Tomorrow will be a good day"
Look to the future and wonder about what opportunities it will bring!
If you expect trouble, it will find you.
There are always others worse off than you. If you can help them, it will give you a sense of achievement and cheer you up.
Seize the day, or in dog latin,
"Illigitemos non carborundum",
Don't let the b.....ds grind you down

I know it feels at times as though everyone else is back to normal but its not true, so many people are still not able to see their GC or other family.

I think you must try to be positive and look on the bright side. At least you get to see them. I haven't been able to see any of my family since January.

Thank you all so much,I will keep in mind all your advice it really helps.Yes I guess I feel why me when other people seem back to normal,but everyone is doing what they think is best and I know my son has issues,he had panic attacks why studying in uni,he won't travel on a train as theres no way he can leave ina hurry,motorways the list goes on just over the years we have accepted it and been there for him but he doesn't talk about it and I feel it was kinder to say nothing,his wife is a lovely lady and their two children are perfect,I worry about his wife how does she cope and then going forward the children.He has worked from home since march my daughter in-law in on maternity leave until January she is also a lecturer and I think they both think that they can work from home how I don't know.Then I have my mum who is a control freak telling me what to do and I thank God for my husband because some days I just want to walk out,so thank you all you are helping me so much and I really appreciate it.

Joanna's son and his family seem just fine at the moment, in their isolation. It's joanna that's suffering and getting upset,not them.

Some people feel they need to get out and see others to protect their mental health.
Some people feel they need to stay at home and not see others to protect their mental health.

Each group does what's right for them.

It's the inability to accept that difference and the judgement that there must be something wrong with you if you're not doing what I do, that causes the problems.

Taking the action he has has enabled him to live with his anxieties. To do anything else he would need to confront them and for this he would need help, but he has to really want to get it. Covid has made him extra anxious and I don’t see there’s much you can do at the moment but go along with their rules as hard as that may be. One big but - what happens if it is cold or wet or both? A good question to ask and he will be back at uni soon soon so how will he manage?
If it’s any consolation the gc won’t remember much of this time and what’s happening will seem normal to them.

Or they could be protecting their mental health by living in a way that keeps them calm and happy.

There is a whole range of views on Covid. It helps nobody to impose your own judgements on to others.

If you live in a low infection area, if you don't know anyone that has had Covid and been very ill you might think others are over reacting and need professional help for their mental health.
If you, like me, have had family on the front line, watching people die, dealing with families grief, suffering Covid themselves, you might feel that those who take it lightly are in denial and need professional help to face up to reality of this disease.

Close contact is currently the overriding factor in the spread of the disease.

What a worry joanna you must be so upset by this and please don’t think you ve done anything wrong in his upbringing
I do however think your son needs mental health intervention as he is way too anxious and this doesn’t sound new if he’s always been very anxious about travelling a short distance to visit you this is not normal behaviour Can you think of anything that happened to him or was he like this growing up too I think he needs a GP It sounds as if he has either married someone equally anxious or is compliant to keep your son calm and happy Covid has obviously highlighted his problems even more and I can’t imagine how he’s going to handle going back to university and

The worst part is this is going to rub off on the two children who will then be anxious children

Covid is bringing this huge anxiety out in some people I m lucky to live in a low virus area and to be honest children and babies are all out and about as normal apart from putting masks on, people are mostly in normal mode but I have two friends who still won’t venture out and to be honest they will get ill with their anxieties if they are not already
I m not sure that you personally can do anything he needs professional help and anti anxiety medication poor man must be in a real pickle about going out to work after so long inside

Joanna2 the pandemic won't last forever and we can all be reunited with our families. I have only seen some of my grandchildren once since March.
I understand how much you want to be close to them and have a cuddle as I feel the same. I am trying to be patient and remember this will pass in time.

I forget sometimes others are having just as hard if not worst,easy to forget when you see people all around with their grandchildren and I think why me.

Thank you for your kind wishes.

We can do this! (even if it's hard!) ?

Thank you.no I would never try to persuade my son,I would never forgive myself if something happened to any of then,I miss them especially when you see others out as normal and we have through a window once a fortnight.You are also right about toddler groups etc I hadn't thought of that do also thank you.And maybe it is my parents I will talk to my son about that,my parents are crazy but who am I to tell them what to do,I have been very worried around them,they miss the children do much as well.I hope you and your family are reunited soon.Best wishes

A relative is a doctor specialising in geriatrics. Every new Covid case he has treated in the past weeks has come from close contact with a family member or a friend.

You have close contact with your parents who are out and about quite a lot so I can see that your son and his wife don't want you to have close contact with them. I think this is a reasonable decision.

When you say you are trying to think what to say to "help you talk to them" do you really mean "persuade them to change" to what you want?

I know you are worrying that your grandson does not get out but truthfully, other than the contact you want, where would he go? No toddler groups going on, no going round to friends houses to mix and mingle.

We are all experiencing a pause in our normal family life. You do actually have more than many at the current time who cannot even get to see their families. I have not seen two of mine since March.

I do wish you luck,its an awful situation to be in. At least the line of communication is still open.?

Thank you,no we are the only grandparents,by daughter in-law lost both of her in the last seven years very suddenly.The baby is nine months old and two and a half they have no health visitor visits etc,and I have started to think what would her mother say,to try and help me talk to them.I am scared to talk to my son he was difficult before so I am guessing now he's at his limit stress wise,plus we try to make that hour about the children I have sent toys via Amazon the previous wk so they are excited with toys and never really feels right to talk plus we are outside a window and aware our chat maybe heard by neighbours.Really hard.thank you all means a lot.

Joanna I may be wrong but I sense your concern and gut feeling is that your sons concerns go beyond necessary precautions. His wife may appear compliant but then with no other outside contact that could be quite easily explained. Do they see her parents? Do they visit? She has a young baby. Health visitors etc.?
I have wondered if they have genuinely seen no one else or whether it's just easier to state that rather than have to face a lot of attempts at persuasion for visits?
They could just be an introverted couple who are quite content to be isolated. That said it's not healthy for that to be extended to a young child.
This pandemic has affected peoples mental health in many ways. If your son suffered from anxiety and maybe OCD prior to the pandemic the current situation could have been enough to take him from a condition that impacts on every day life to one that is totally debilitating.
A return to work could indeed be a pivotal moment as it is indeed a high risk setting. I wish you well.

Thank you.i will continue to support my son,just worry as this goes on for them it will get worst because they have had no other contact apart from us,but it's so hard watching your family live like this.

OP one of your updates has said that you took your parents who haven’t followed lockdown as well as you would like. I think perhaps that may be an additional reason for your son and DIL not wanting physical contact. Unfortunately this is a situation where you really can’t do anything. I would have concerns over a grandparent coming into my home or having physical contact with my children if they had been seeing/ spending time with people who were not being careful. Your son seems to be taking COVID very seriously, that’s his prerogative as an adult - you can still see your GC, even though the method isn’t your ideal. In your shoes I’d continue to support your son and his decisions as you have been.

My son's very difficult and I worry that it must be our fault as parents we let him down.I will give you a few for instances,my son has not been to our house thirty miles away from him for three years,he will not travel on the motorway and he is genuinely anxious traveling so we have always visited him,meaning our grandchildren have never been to our house,my beautiful struggles with so much yet he holds down a good job he's a lecturer, and had been working thoughout lockdown but from home so the worry of going back must be hell for him,but we don't talk about these things I just want to hug him and help him but don't know what to do.The two year old grandson wanted to come into the garden Saturday but he's not allowed while we are there,and I am guessing a few days after so germ free,I don't know how to handle this,my daughter in-law agrees with my son and I understand they are doing this for the children.

I’m assuming that the children are allowed out into the garden to play? And I’m also assuming that your son is working ? And that his wife is happy with all of these arrangements?

If your son is not working because of his mental condition and the wife and children are actually kept indoors, then I would be very concerned That they were almost being held indoors against their will.

Are you able to speak to his wife to find out what is happening?

If the children and their mother are able to use the garden etc. Then I just think that they are being ultra cautious and there really is very little you can do about it.

Joanna12 I do find this very concerning. Everyone has very different views on what they will or wont do regarding the virus. I'm high risk but have ventured out and had garden meetings with grandchildren in garden who aged 5 and 2. Their mother is very responsible and follows guidelines. That said my grandchilderen have been out for at least a walk every day and play in garden. The eldest starts school tomorrow.
To be honest my concern is for your eldest grandchild.
Of course circumstances vary. One of the family could be shielded. They could live in an area where there are high rates of infection.
If none of this applies I find it quite concerning that a toddler has been kept indoors pretty much since March and it appears this may not change. If they are not at risk from health issues and in light of your sons rather vague mental health problems im quite concerned for the wellbeing of those childeren.

No wonder you worry Joanna.It can’t be healthy for any of them not leaving the house.As you say he’s an adult and it has to be his choice but it does seem extreme.

We all have to make our own decisions as to how we deal with the current situation but you seem to be dealing with two extremes with your son and parents which must be so difficult for you.

I’m sorry I have no advice for you but just to say I can understand your worry for your grandchildren.?

I really worry about my son and his family I know he's an adult he's mid thirties,but he's an only child and an only grandchild plus we are the only living grandparents.My son I know has mental health issues,we don't talk about it,that's his choice but I really would listen maybe one day when he feels it's right.But I know the virus must be so hard with everything else for him and I can only sit back and wait.They have left the house three times since march for a walk early in the morning,apart from us outside their window have seen nobody I know it's his choice but god I miss my grandchildren and the eldest seems accepting that mamgi is outside which is good but how long will it last,we took my parents Saturday it's only an hour visit but my dad in his eighties hot really upset he can't understand it,him and my mum have been opposite to my son during lockdown they would not stay home,I really tried but they got so cross with me, they have been lucky so far.Its so hard I know if I don't go up I am just doing what's best for me not my grandchildren.Some days it just gets to much says miserable me sorry.

Thank you for the replies.

Maybe the wee one’s ages are why they’re not allowed out while you’re over? As other say it’s human nature to seek out physical contact and at that young age it would by nigh on impossible to explain social distancing and have the child understand.
This is such a trying time for everyone, but please try not to take it so personally OP. Maybe try taking some time to prepare yourself for these visits and instead of looking at the glass being half full, instead focus on the positives of having healthy happy GC’s whose parents are making sure they are safe.
Are you able to video call and see your GC that way? It might be less stressful for you than sitting in the garden? And with the camera on a phone you could engage with the wee one as he’s playing etc?
I do understand your frustration and I commend you for respecting the wishes of the parents. I’d go fix a cuppa and get into a good book to take my mind off of the situation for tonight x