Buying gifts for friends

I think COVID has given me the perfect excuse to suggest we don't exchange gifts to certain people.(I would still buy gifts for people who I know live alone and look forward to their gifts but perhaps either buy something I am absolutely certain they would use or make baked goodies. Also the grandchildren.)
I have decluttered my house and often have ornaments given to me which I would not choose to display in my house but must for fear of offending. I packed away most of them saying it made frequent cleaning to a higher standard easier during shielding. I may say I am going to sell them and give the money to a COVID charity or just do it without selling. I know I don't go round friends houses asking where they are displaying my gift so hopefully no-one will notice .

A long standing friend and I used to exchange gift vouchers. The same amount for the same shop, usually. So we've agreed for the last year or two to just exchange cards instead.

My brother and his wife, my sister in law have birthdays in the same month. They live some distance away so we meet them for lunch and a stroll sometime that month and we buy them lunch.

I'm gradually cutting down on gifts for all and sundry.

A number of my friends create Fundraisers on Facebook for their Birthdays, and I think this is a lovely idea. Sadly, my only family, a sister who married someone who had been married previously, has Lots of people to buy for, as well as her own two children, absolutely REFUSEs to give to any form of Charity (she says she doesn't know that the money gets to where it is intended)! I would much prefer to give to Charity and help a desperate family, or save the life of an animal - but can't do it with my own family. The same sister also asked me to stop buying presents for her adult children, as they found it hard to buy things for me, which I have done. My sister and I still buy things for one another, but only at Christmas. Cards for all other events.

This is a Rock/Hard Place question for me. I’m an only child and have no family, bar 2DDs and 1DGS. DH has a sister - her hobby is shopping!
She’s out everyday just ‘buying’. She has 2DSs and 2DGDs.

When her DH was alive we hardly heard from them, but when he died 8 years ago that became the catalyst for her to come here every Christmas, (we are NE, she’s Cheshire) with extravagant gifts.
Last year she and her family were struck down with shingles and my DH asked her not to visit - he was mid-way through his 4th course of chemo. I met her on neutral ground for a present swap! I should add that we get in well and she and I go on holiday most years.

Basically neither of us is short of money, so that’s not the problem. She sends me a precise list of what they all want and I do the same in return. However all the ‘children’ are in their 30/40’s now and it just seems so pointless? It’s not difficult - just a visit to Dior/Chanel/Jo Malone etc counters and it’s job done, but unnecessary!

I expect we’ll just carry on until we eventually fall off the perch!
Glad to get it off my chest today.

I have told family that this year onwards we shall not be giving Christmas or birthday presents and dont expect them in return. On DH s side there are now so many to buy for but sadly we never get a visit or phone call or a thank you and in view of DHs increasing care fees it is no longer tenable. I have tried to explain tactfully that with Covid and our financial situation we cant continue. If offence is taken.....well thats very unfortunate and will just bear out my theory that they do not really call about my DH who has been so generous to them for so long.

I simply enclose an IOU within a card which has the offer - lunch/dinner/whatever - but it always contains an expiry date. It would usually be to a venue of the recipient's choosing, time and date to be arranged and an expiry date of 3 months ish. Works well for me and it has the added bonus of an incentive for a meet-up. All good thus far. Liked even.

I also don't particularly like present buying and giving, so I tend to do something a little more personal. Two friends have previously admired my outrageously pink Easter/Christmas cactus, so I have taken cuttings for them which are doing really well on my sunny windowsill. By December they should have become excellent specimens, and will make perfect Christmas presents!

Just go out for a nice lunch on mutual birthdays, much more fun than giving gifts that no one wants

Last Christmas we agreed with our children that each household would buy the other two households a family size tin or plastic box (more likely these days) of sweets or chocolates. They are just starting to appear in the supermarkets this week. It took all the pressure off at a time when we all get anxious about how much we think we ought to spend. I never want my children or grandchildren to be worried about getting expensive presents for us and as the years go by we cannot possibly compete with the sort of presents our children buy for the grandchildren.

Take each other for lunch or coffee/cake in the few weeks around the birthdays - so no useless gift/time spent on choosing gift but a get together for two (or more) good friends ?

It's not too bad when your friends live nearby but my longest standing friend 46 years now lives 150 miles away and as we both get older we see each other less and less so the option to meet up for a day out a meal etc, is not an option, she is very generous and I always struggle to find something appropriate!

Sent my 'distant' buddy an ancient photograph of us with a profound message in her card. She said it was better than any 'stuff'. There y'go. Simplicity every time at this stage.

4 of my friends are in Care Homes now. There is nothing they need to clutter up their rooms but I feel its important for them to know they are remembered. I send a card and get flowers delivered. Its the best thing I can do. None of us usually need anything as we get older.

A group of friends and I decided to donate to a food bank instead of Christmas gifts as we don't need stuff. I'm still working on the family though! ☺

Mmm...this is a hot topic for me. I have a dear German friend (we were school penfriends after an exchange visit almost 50 years ago), and we have been firm friends since 1972, attending each other's weddings in the relative countries and numerous holiday visits with our families. It is so hard to think of small, easy to post gifts for birthdays and Christmas that Customs Officers won't destroy. Next week I have to find 2 gifts...she has her birthday first, and her daughter's birthday is a week later, so I send them both at the same time to save on the extortionate postage (which often costs more than the gift itself).
Last year, to my shock (and much laughter) she sent me back a Christmas present that I had sent to her the year before! Obviously she forgot where it came from! This just illustrates how ridiculous it has all become. Especially as, one year,(knowing that I travelled with my job) she sent me a beautifully wrapped tin....of pantyliners!!! (I kid you not...). That must be the strangest gift I ever received. How on earth do I explain in my broken German that it is time to stop this farce? It is so costly and it is so difficult to find such small gifts which comply with postal restrictions to other countries!! Help!

We decided quite a number of years ago not to buy presents, people's financial situations varied and didn't want anyone to feel pressured. Since then (there is a group of 8 of us) we've contributed to a joint present for significant birthdays much prefer each others company, sometimes just one or two of us, other times all of us. Regular meet ups via Zoom since March.

So glad that the other day mynDIL were mentioning present buying, don’t know why, and I said let’s not do xmas presents except to the children, let’s have we adults donating to a charity close to our hearts instead. She was delighted !
I often treat them anyway as the occasion arises.

Many years ago, I stopped present giving/receiving (cards, too) except for grandchildren. I explained to everyone that I absolutely hate shopping. I want to spend my time doing things that I enjoy.

I'll often take a small gift when visiting, like a bottle of wine, chocolates, cake or little plant (I like gardening and baking) but never make it a constant habit.

I really love the idea that Septimia had came up with. Asking for a flowers will be a nice thing and at the same time it won't make you accept gifts you don't want to accept.

I read somewhere that the royal family have a strict limit (and a very low one) for presents and that some members simply exchange the same gift every year. Apparently, it's become a family joke.

I had some friends who disliked present giving and would give each other a card with a £5 note inside it. The same note was given to the next one and so on and so forth...they had great fun with it.

I am getting fed up of gift buying for grown ups. I'd much rather meet up for tea/coffee and cake and enjoy someone's conversation and companionship. I don't particularly like taking or being taken out for flamboyent meals for birthdays as that tends to get expensive. I have friends who don't have much money and would feel obligated to reciprocate. Birthdays and Christmas are the worst occasions for creating an implied obligation to reciprocate.

For the few gifts I do buy, I get the the most pleasure out of the gifts for unique events in someone's live such as a house plant or flowers or a plant for a new garden for someone moving house, or something for a new baby, or something for a work colleague who is moving to a new job etc

I do like a nice party though but would normally take a bottle of wine or flowers

Honeyrose. how about suggesting coffee & cake to celebrate your birthdays instead of gifts. You could even bake something - itdoesnt have to be anything mega. I'd much rather see a friend than receive a gift to put away knowing I'll probably end up recycling to a fundraising table.

I had this dilemma too.
Myself and my friend bought each other birthday and Xmas presents. Her birthday is the week before Xmas, and I’d find it really hard to think of two presents, not to mention the cost involved.
She is fairly wealthy (I live hand to mouth) and she doesn’t need anything. Every year she would buy me something more expensive than previous years and I just couldn’t keep up.
I broached the subject last year and whilst I think she was slightly put out at first, we agreed to treating each other to lunch around our birthdays, and a small gift such as a scented candle for Xmas.
It’s really taken the pressure off and we have enjoyed our lunches, something we struggled to find time to do before, but now we make time!
It was such a relief

Thanks everyone for your great suggestions and thoughts on the matter. Glad that I’m not the only one who finds the whole to and fro of present buying for friends increasingly awkward. I like the idea of buying flowers (nothing too expensive - supermarkets sell some lovely ones nowadays) or meeting up for lunch or coffee & cake around the time of the actual birthday. I am not an ungrateful person and I do appreciate the time that someone has taken to choose me a gift, but I am hard to buy for and I find it difficult to buy for others too and then worry that I’ve chosen the wrong thing/not spent enough/spent too much! I always send birthday, anniversary and Christmas cards and will continue to do so. Thanks again - I will have THAT conversation! Also, i’ll try not to overthink it (which is what makes me hang back a lot of the time, overthinking!).