Would you sell your house & downsize to help your sibling?

My sibling gave up their career for the last 9yrs to act as a fulltime carer whilst our relative in poor health had many operations. A will was made that they would inherit the bungalow to continue living in -in return for my sibling using their life savings to support the person they were caring for. Unfortunately, said relative was carted off to prison a few months ago & will likely die there before too long due to ill health.

I am left wondering exactly how a very sick person who needed so much care was capable of carrying out (a) criminal offence(s) so serious that they got carted off to prison where this now convicted criminal will die shortly.

Presumably there was a trial which would have taken some time? How did this person have the strength and energy for such criminal activities or even find time between many operations?

I'm intrigued.

I get a huge white knight saviour complex from OP

She wants to save the adult sibling from what is going on now AND for the rest of the sibling's life.

Also, why was this poorly relative not getting benefits or whatever, why was your sibling spending their life savings to keep them?

Think, would they do it for you....I know my sister wouldn't at all, so I wouldn't either. My sis takes the money off me if I ask her to get me a loaf!! Look after number 1, as you say it is your pension which you worked hard for. The social services will get them somewhere to get them sorted until better times come back for them or let them stay with you until this happens. Do not sell your home.

I wouldn't. They are adults, presumably in good health, and should look after themselves. Perhaps you could let them have a loan?

Get some professional advice before you do anything. Both of you should first of all make an appointment at nearest local authority housing advice centre to talk through the options available to her. Citizens Advice Bureau next for money advice and benefits available - or the local authority's welfare benefits advice service. Or SHELTER.

If she is an older person with any health issues she may well come under the heading of priority need which will help her access housing and the support she needs . You do NOT have to put your own financial security at risk. Nor do you have to have them stay with you, which might put you under a lot of stress if they overstay their welcome/become a financial burden to you.They may well be able to get temporary accommodation via the local authority's help until a permanent solution is found. If they do come to stay, make it clear that this is for a limited time ONLY and stick to the date agreed for them leaving. This helps the authorities to help them.

As much as you surely love her, I’m afraid my answer would be No! There is so much help one can get nowadays, so I’d suggest she looks down every avenue.

I would invite them to live with me for say six months, or to apply for council help with their housing where they live, whilst they have the very necessary local connection.

If they don’t want to do either, they may not be desperate. If they are working, what about asking for a loan for a rental deposit?

Good luck to all of you Mary.

Two things bother me here: firstly, how will your sibling pay the bills and running costs of a house without a job even assuming you do buy him one? Secondly, your sibling looked after this relative for 9 years, I really don't see how they were not aware of whatever crime your relative committed that was serious enough for him/her to be imprisoned. Hmm

If you house is that big that it could finance two homes I suggest they live with you on a temporary bases.

If you want to help can you buy two properties and ‘rent’ one to them for a nominal charge until they get back on their feet then you still have your pension asset

Straight answer, no I wouldn’t. She’s caused more than enough trouble for the family over many years, so definitely no!

I wouldn't. I understand your desire to help but you need to consider the long term consequences of what you are thinking. Let them come and stay with you. As others have said it will take time to sell your property and then buy two. Have you enough equity to do that, and in what area are you thinking of purchasing? A discussion with the Council and Housing charities would be my first port of call.

The most I would consider is a) giving them a bit of money to help while they get housing and benefits b) having them to stay c) IF I felt like downsizing , and could sell and buy two flats in my name, letting them stay rent free for a fixed period.
I would never want to create a situation where we would end up fighting , or me resenting them , or suffering because of them. At least now they could come and stay with you because you’re stable - what if neither of you had that ?

No I wouldn't I would offer them to live at mine until they got on their feet but no it could build a lot of resentment between the two of you

No no and no. Plenty of other ideas here.

I would have to say no.
The 'safe little home' you envisage for them may not be what they want at all - in the long term.

You don't say if your sibling is in a relationship but as you refer to 'them' I assume this is the case.

What if your sibling and their partner/spouse separate in the future and the home you sourced for them has to be sold and the proceeds shared between them? How would you feel about that?
What if your sibling passed away and her partner met someone else? Would you be happy if they then split up and the house had to be shared with a person unrelated to you?

Far too many unforseen outcomes.

Help them financially if you can but definitely not by selling your home.

A thousand times no. Point her/him in the direction of help. You can help with form filling, information gathering, etc so they can get their independence. Making such a hugely generous gesture on your part of selling your house would probably end up with feelings of resentment if your sibling made decisions you didn’t like. If you aren’t in a position to assist with a deposit, then I don’t think you have enough money to cushion you in retirement especially if you divide your assets in half.
Another way you could raise the money to provide funds for deposits could be Crowd Funding. You can also find charities who will give grants to people who have specific needs.

Please don’t sell your house, you might end up being homeless. Give them all the practical help you can, even have them to stay as a temporary measure - even if they live at the other end of the country, if they have no jobs and no home, they are obviously not tied to one spot. If you can lend them the odd bit of cash, that would be helpful, but they need to stand on their own feet. They are not your responsibility.

Sorry, but no I wouldn't.
They may well be a sibling that has fallen onto hard times but quite honestly, they are not your responsibility.
I think that you would be more help if possible, that you maybe offered a temporary home with you on the understanding that they pay rent and follow rules, just as if they were your lodger and also making sure that they get all the outside help possible that will be available to them from various agencies.
You have worked hard for what you have and don't let guilt trip you into making decisions that you may well regret in the future - you won't be thanked !

No.
I would have my sister come and live with me, though not sure about her dogs!
I currently give her £300 a month towards her mortgage to stop her becoming homeless, and think that this is a permanent commitment, but I would not sell my home.

It's a bit like gambling - only gamble with money that you can afford to lose.

I say - go for it, but only if you can afford it. Whyever not - you might spend the rest of your days wondering if you should've. Of course, this would put them beholden to you. If they can live with that, then I can't see why you shouldn't help them.

In the end, you are just expressing your big, warm-hearted love, your generosity and your compassion: all to be lauded as a wonderful example.

You also have to consider the legal side of things if any gift or cash asset above £3000 is given away during a tax year. Should you pass away during the next seven years, that gift becomes taxable, and the going rate can be as much as 40%. You really need to take legal advice to not only protect yourself, but also the recepient themselves should you decide to go ahead with this idea.

I wouldn't do it because we don't get on and they would never pay me back. I also wouldn't offer for them to move in as they take no responsibility for their living situation as it is. But your situation is different. Have they asked you to do this? If so, that's a bit cheeky, despite their desperation. They probably should speak to shelter, their local council and try to get some income. Probably a lawyer might have advice but obviously they gave no money.

No absolutely not! You have to think of yourself first, as so many others have said it’s an absolute recipe for disaster!