Daughter doesn’t understand

I think birth counts as an emergency. Mothers frequently support their daughters at this time. Not obligatory of course.

GagaJo

I think on any other occasion, she is unreasonable. However, when she's actually in labour, yes, I think you should drop everything and go. My mum worked full-time and did that. I did it for my daughter.

And if the OPs employer says no?
In the real world people can’t just ‘drop’ everything.
OP has bills, her own life.
If the DD goes into labour the either she can arrange a home birth or her DH can stay at home and she can go to the hospital.

I think on any other occasion, she is unreasonable. However, when she's actually in labour, yes, I think you should drop everything and go. My mum worked full-time and did that. I did it for my daughter.

Your daughter is a big girl and should take responsibility for her own actions. End of!

You sound very hardworking already,if you can offer weekends that is being very reasonable.Her best solution is help from friends who live near by,different children’s friends to take them to give her a break,she must have one good friend who could stay over if the baby comes at night.
Just think the more children she has the more grandchildren she will have to look after in the future.

She doesn’t expect much does she, I’m being sarcastic! You live a long way away and are expected to down tools when needed, and by the sounds of it, jump to it! She starts arguments over it you say! She’s embarrassed in front of her friends, whose parents drop everything, well firstly you are not her friends parents! You are hers! She’s coming across as immature, you can’t do it every time so that’s it, I’d be wanting to know what her partner is prepared to do to help, I’d be wondering why she wants to keep having children with a partner who isn’t much help to her,

The children l are your DDs and her partner's responsibility not your and your DHs. Tell your DD is she can't cope with the children then she should have thought about that before having another one. I wouldn't offer her to stay with you when the baby arrives. Your DD needs to grow up and accept her responsibilities rather than expecting others to sort out her situations.

Also, can I add, when I was born and my brother too, my parents hired in a woman from the village who was like a housekeeper for 6 weeks as they had no family to help,and before you all think we were wealthy,my dad worked on the railways in a humble job!

I have a daughter who like this.
Can I ask how many other children you have? Would they ask or expect that level of support?
Could you do it for all your own children?
If she is the only one it sounds like you have always been there to back her up.There comes a time when we have to say no.
Her partner will have to help.
Or....she’ll have to manage.
I’m sure she could get someone to mind the kids while she went to hospital to have the baby,and for the 6 hours after if they even stay that long now.
She would cope without you if you were ill. She’ll cope.

I am wondering why on earth the rights or wrongs of the OPs daughter having a large family are being debated. That is hardly helpful to Seasalty as the large family is here, she is worried about what to do and is asking for advice/thoughts on the situation as it stands.

Seasalty I hope you have found some advice that is helpful and that you can find a solution

She is an adult and responsible for herself and her family.

Why do people not take responsibility for themselves!

Ha ha, just re-read this. I know it sounds ridiculous but I worked for someone once who threw tantrums and in that case it did go together!

That doesn't mean she can't cope on a day to day basis bibbity. "Tantrum throwing" is not related to coping. That's something else entirely.

I'm not defending her, just pointing out that people are jumping to conclusions.

I do wonder whether all your daughter's friends' parents drop everything to help whenever there is a crisis in their children's lives?

It reminds me of teenager saying, "But mummy, everyone else in the class may do such-and-such"

Point out politely that you cannot take time off in term-time and her father can't afford to leave his business to help.

If the husband/partner is so unsympathetic I wonder why she is happy to let him go on fathering children assuming they were all planned?

Time for tough love I think. Some advice on contraception for both of them would be a good start.

NotSpaghetti

Why are we assuming she can't (usually) cope? Irrespective of the useless partner?

Because of the tantrum She’s throwing over her parents not dropping overturning to cater to her wants.
If she can’t find childcare for the labour her option are
Home birth
Or her husband.
She needs to seriously stop the entitlement.

And I hoe stay would leave her to struggle a bit or she may set her sights on number 6.

Sorry I don’t agree that people can have large families if they want. The world is over populated and it’s irresponsible regardless of who’s paying. If the mother concerned can’t cope and feels her own mother has to step in and help it’s also selfish.

As you say, your daughter has a partner who gives her extremely little help.
He needs a kick up the backside.
Why isn't he on call?

Why are we assuming she can't (usually) cope? Irrespective of the useless partner?

Totally agree with Bibbity. If she can’t cope why does she keep having more children?

I can't agree with your post at all SJV07, people can have as many children as they wish; it's no one's business but their own. But, having made that choice, they need to be able to cope with it, alone if necessary and not expect any support with raising them. And I'm not sure why you're assuming that "it's us who are paying for them"? seasalty has said nothing of them claiming any benefits and, in any case, that would have nothing to do with her question at all.

SeaSalty, do you feel you're walking on egg shells to avoid rows?
The picture you paint is of a father of five who contributes little if anything to his family. If he can afford not to work, the least he can do is his share of the practical and emotional work involved in running his family.
Why is your daughter looking to you, rather than her husband and mother in law. You live four hours away, husband lives with her, mother in law close by.
Sounds like you have grandparent relationships with your gandchildren. Do you fear losing contact if you're honest and ask where her husband is in all of this.

Phoebes - many many younger couples choose not to marry. It doesn't in anyway excuse the father from his parental responsibilities. It's also a tad judgemental to assume it does

She is being irresponsible having 5 children anyway. Who pays for them all, us?

Suggest explaining contraception, condoms, the pill, sterilization, vasectomy etc, all a bit late, but may stop any more!!!

Sorry, not, in this day and age, should not be happening.

Having a large family is entirely a personal choice and we have to assume that those who make that choice, do so with full cogniscence of the hard work and responsibilities that come with it. Support that is given is not an entitlement; it's a gift that can either be given freely or within the parameters of the support giver. No one has the right to expect, or demand, help to support your life choices. seasalty has already given her reasons as to why she and her husband are unable to fulfil their daughters demands and that should be enough.

Can i just say, there really isn't anything wrong with a large family. We have a large family, both work, support ourselves and our children.

Having had to do that under times of great stress, I know how it can feel if you don't have enough support but that doesn't make you a bad parent because you feel unable to cope at times.