Daughter doesn’t understand

No you have to do what’s right for you .You cannot just drop everything when you are working you have commitments .My daughter gets cross when I say no to her as I work occasionally real reason she gets cross because I’m paid to look after other people’s children .Tough I say I didn’t get much help from my in-laws when Oiler’s had kids they were always on the golf course liked being grandparents inName only

I was thinking the same FarNorth.
I have to say, people don't appreciate that for self employed people to 'take time off' means total loss of income for them - no holiday or sick-pay for the self employed.
In my husband's case it would cost him more than that as he'd have to employ someone else to cover for him, so even a week's holiday costs more than the price in the brochure.
Anyway - you'd be breaking the Law of Six surely (though having said that - her MIL will have done just that won't she/) I don't know how you get around that one.

Btw, if there is so much wealth around, can they employ help with housework and/or childcare?

Good news, Seasalty.

Maybe later on, make sure your daughter knows that her family is the responsibility of her husband and herself, not of her parents.

It's completely wrong for her to accept her husband's laziness while trying to bully you into filling in for him.

Enjoy your grandchild!

Ha ha Fennel - I loved my 5 as teenagers! Not sure that will help!

As Madgran says, good to know you appreciate the help on here and have kept on replying.
The only thing I can, add, not very positive, is encourage her to look to the future when they're all lively difficult teenagers and she's a bit older with less energy.

Seasalty onwards and upwards. Hope ttge chat on here helped; telling others how you feel and hearing views can really help to see ones way through things. Enjoy your family.

Seasalty I'm glad this has worked out ok in the end. Congratulations on your new precious little one.
I hope your daughter recovers quickly and it won't be too long before you are able to visit.

Thank you for the update.

So to clarify , they are not using taxpayers money the SIL has a private income.
He does not have to work but is very lazy which makes it worse when she complains we don’t help enough but yes you are all correct she choose to have 5 children and I agree its too many.
Just feel guilty sometimes I guess but want to enjoy grandchildren and not feel obligated.
I did use MOnica ‘s phrase of ‘don’t measure our love for you by the amount of help we can give you’ and I think that hit home. So thank you for that.
I stood my ground and the baby was born yesterday, MIL looked after the children. All is well there.
They are well versed on contraception btw but I do wonder with SIL being so useless (and btw she never gets a birthday or Xmas present) she has more children to feel needed?
Idk why she puts up with it but after 15 years I don’t think it will change.

Typical. Adult kids with a sense of entitlement. My mother had 4 kids by the age of 26. Looked after us all while dad worked. I remember being called to see my new sister. Mum gave birth at home. Then when midwife left, I remember her getting up to make a meal for 6pm for us all. No backbone in this era at all

Does your daughter work?
You say her husband doesn’t (why on earth not?) so what are they doing for money?

I guess the poor old taxpayer is picking up the bill.

Others have offered good advice about sitting down calmly with your daughter to try to come to an arrangement which suits you all.

As you live a fair distance away and both work she can’t expect too much from you.

She chose to have a lot of children knowing the situation with you.

Judging by the number of threads we have had recently on problems like this, there are an awful lot of grown up children who expect too much from grandparents.

I think she is being very selfish, stick to your guns. She is an adult and has made the decision to have a large family, her responsibility not yours, you are grandparents and have done your bit. Be gently determined in your response, give her an inch and she will take a mile.

Tell her to stop breeding.

Loopy loo, second that.

There is more to this than meets the eye. What does this man do all day apart from begetting children?
Is he having a large family because he feels emasculated by his healthy mother?
If they have that much money that he does not need to work they need to hire a live in nanny.
I think this young woman needs some serious help when baby is born and should consider a sterilisation or ask the husband to have a vasectomy.

you are not being unreasonable. She is an adult, making adult choices, you are her parents, you are not her unpaid help. What would be the response if it were you two needing the help - I think I can guess.

Luca, I realise that but I had made comment earlier on OP predicament, also mentioned that new rules would make it impossible for her to visit her daughter any way unless they lived in Scotland or Wales when children don't count towards the 6 total. I was just replying to previous posters about family size. I agree with many that OP SIL needs to pull his socks up, they are his children too and as he doesn't work, should put in more effort and support his wife. And as MIL is wealthy maybe they could get in some temporary home help or au pair. I think the 6 rule does not apply to workers in someone's home but that would need checking. OP lives far away and has a job that is not flexible so hard as it seems she cannot down tools and be with her daughter. At the moment, hospitals are not allowing partners into some labour wards either or if they do for only a limited amount of time. It is tough on the mum to be. I think she would best consider some live in help,if they have the space and the cash, if her husband still refuses to help at all..

mistymitts

I am probably going to get some comments on this but in this day and age having a large family is totally irresponsible and selfish in respect of the effect this has on bio diversity of this dying planet. The Earth just cannot sustain this growth in population and people should take a responsible attitude to family size.

That may well be true but is of no help to the OP is it ?

I am probably going to get some comments on this but in this day and age having a large family is totally irresponsible and selfish in respect of the effect this has on bio diversity of this dying planet. The Earth just cannot sustain this growth in population and people should take a responsible attitude to family size.

I am not sure but I think the rule of 6 would bar you from visiting your daughter, her partner and her fifth child so you can't help out, even if you wanted to.

No, you are not being unreasonable at all. I think your daughter is being unreasonable although I understand she may need support when her baby is born. Her partner should be the one who provides it, I would have thought.

Maybe my family is closer than I thought.

My headteacher was supportive of my being with my daughter at the birth of my grandson. It's called compassionate leave.

It was her choice to have a 5th child. Don’t feel bad about not being able to help. She shouldn’t expect it, as her right.

Birth isn’t anemergency. There’s the hospital or midwifeand the husband. No one in any job could claim it as an emergency unless something catastrophic happens. Planned time off work after the due date could be booked by many employers, but rarely in term time by a teacher or TA

GagaJo

I think birth counts as an emergency. Mothers frequently support their daughters at this time. Not obligatory of course.

You may count it as such.
I very much doubt a headteacher would.
It’s not an emergency to the OP. She would have no legal right to take that time off work.