I’d like some advice about helping my distressed friend.

H1954

skate

I'm afraid I have little patience for people moaning about their Christmas going wrong. Plenty of us are in their 70's and on their own with no direct family and just get on with it. Thousands, millions are far worse off, so enough with the self pity and be grateful for what you have. I will probably be shot down now.

Well said skate! I have already made a comment on this thread but your words are so true.

How true, both of you. I suspect that I shall be alone this year for the first time ever but there will be others who won’t see Christmas at all because of the virus and others who will be mourning. They are the ones to spend sympathy on.

Yesterday 00:35 GrauntyHelen

I have spent many Christmas days alone some by necessity some by choice and I have thoroughly enjoyed the indulgence of pleasing only me My fave foods TV lots of time to read and rest just bliss Currently married and looking forward to not having to travel to family live to their timetable and be stressed out by it all Covid gives us the reason to spend the day together and please ourselves The key is not to dread the day but to design it to suit you and delight in iT”

This, to a degree. Proviso is our (late and unexpected , thoroughly doted on) 17 year old who is stuck here with us, poor sod.
Downside is, no new grandchild who will be spending the holidays with younger and less vulnerable grandparents. Upside, I can already feel the lack of usual mounting Christmas pressure. It’s always been a big deal in our family and somehow I invariably end up hosting everyone, throughout.
Said 17 year old has already requested Chinese take-away on Christmas Eve and doesn’t care what we eat on Christmas Day as long as pigs in blankets are on the plate and it’s in front of the big TV without crackers ?
Secretly, looking forward to it already!

I feel very sorry for people who are on their own during this awfulness.I do feel some of the replies here are a bit harsh.Myself personally would be fine on my own at Christmas,but I know for some this is unbearable.My Mother being one of those who would struggle and is already worried about the loneliness.Myself and a sister both live overseas from the UK and travelling is such a risk for my Mother and vice versa.Sometimes there is more to the person's background,bereavement,estrangement,depression,add in this Virus and the uncertainty and isolation it has brought makes it too much for some.I have always seen the Christmas period as the whole week from Christmas day to New years day.Sometimes we have celebrated the main day,dinner and all the trimmings,a day or 2 after,too accommodate family members who work Christmas day.At one point myself and 3 of our children worked on the day so just moved Christmas to a day we were all off together.Sorry I am detracting but the point I'm trying to make is could you have another "christmas day" for your friend,it doesnt have to be as big as the day you would have already had with the family,but a day your friend could look forward too and keep her spirits up.Sadly any one of us could become infected or have been in contact with someone and be in isolation,scuppering the most well thought out plans!The OP sounds like a kind thoughtful person who is thinking about a friend who is in need.For some, loneliness is a much bigger issue than it is for others.

Over the years Ive volunteered for many Xmas days.
The Quakers were the best to work with.
The Salvation Army: too ridged in their thinking.
Age Concern: not very organised ?
There are thousands of people, Young and old in this position every single year.

skate

I'm afraid I have little patience for people moaning about their Christmas going wrong. Plenty of us are in their 70's and on their own with no direct family and just get on with it. Thousands, millions are far worse off, so enough with the self pity and be grateful for what you have. I will probably be shot down now.

Well said skate! I have already made a comment on this thread but your words are so true.

I normally greatly enjoy a pre-Christmas weekend when my son and his children visit me and have the tree, presents, dinner etc. Then I have an extended visit to my daughter (a Christmas Day baby) and family for Christmas and New Year.
Since March I’ve barely left the house except for eye surgery. I’ve seen my only my son, once for 10 precious minutes.
I’m assuming I’ll be on my own this Christmas and shall just make the best of it.
As Bluebelle and others have said it is only one day. I dislike the expression ‘man up’ but it does come to mind...

I have spent many Christmas days alone some by necessity some by choice and I have thoroughly enjoyed the indulgence of pleasing only me My fave foods TV lots of time to read and rest just bliss Currently married and looking forward to not having to travel to family live to their timetable and be stressed out by it all Covid gives us the reason to spend the day together and please ourselves The key is not to dread the day but to design it to suit you and delight in it

It’s all scaremongering.....telling the students they may not get home for Christmas too. It’s THREE months away, why do we have to know now and worry about it! I don’t think the government or anyone will want to spoil Christmas unnecessarily, but if the situation in December dictates that We cant mix with other households, we will just have to accept it, in the same way that most of us have accepted other things. I would hate that to happen so perhaps if we are to avoid that, we need to ensure that we stick to the rules between now and then and try to make a difference.

does your friend have another single friend, you can form an extended household if both people are single, it would mean that you could visit and stay at each others house, i am in scotland so i don't know if the rules are different for the rest of the uk, my partner and i do not live together so we have done this , it means he can visit and stay at the weekend

Hotels are doing christmas parties and christmas party nights. It may be an opportunity for your friend to branch out a bit and find a new social setting where she will enjoy herself.

Example
www.innontheprom.co.uk/?offers=special-offers

Im afraid everything is unquantifiable, with this virus around. Theres a lot of time between now & 25th December so who knows what the situation and restrictions may be. If still ongoing, everyone will have less of a Christmas but theres a killer virus out there and we have to accept the reality of the situation, and feel very lucky, just to be alive.

Maybe you could encourage your friend to have a different sort of Christmas this year and host Christmas for someone else for a change!
I have come across many single people over the years and they have each felt perfectly entitled to put themselves on others at Christmas and not one of them has felt that it was inconvenient to the host or that the favour should be reciprocated.
Rather cheeky I think.

Tweedle24 OP didn’t state if its her bubble just relatives, who she may not have seen for a while, who maybe socialising elsewhere.

The rule states that if her support household has more than six, she can still go and spend Christmas with them. This is one of the exemptions so, as long as the family she plans to stay with are one household, there is no problem.

Sorry aonk, that didn't help answer your original question did it! Can't really add to the good advice given previously. Your friend probably needed a sympathetic ear, which you have given her, and is now in a better position to put things in perspective. She sounds like a proactive and independent person and as others have said Christmas is a long way off so she has lots of time to make alternative plans. This situation can feel overwhelming at times I know.

Daughter and family live a five hour plus drive away ( dependant on how bad M6 roadworks are and how many lorries have crashed on M5 ) . They normally try to visit during the Christmas holidays. In view of the uncertainty and anticipating further restrictions we snuck in a quick visit last week and enjoyed a lovely "alternative to Christmas" day out. Presents were bought and a lovely lunch had at a posh restaurant. Enjoyed it so much we may have to make it a regular event.....tho maybe not as early as September. I often find the pressure to make Christmas a happy day for everyone actually spoils the enjoyment. Those years that circumstances have forced a change to the usual have ended up being the most relaxed and fun. As long as those I love are happy and healthy I am fine with where ever the day finds us.

aonk you sound a lovely caring friend to have. There are some excellent suggestions here on how your friend could spend Christmas day. I would go one step further and plan something for next year when (and not if) things get better, such as a lunch or afternoon tea together. You could also do a belated Christmas day lunch with all the trimmings, put the tree and decorations up and celebrate. That is exactly what we are planning to do probably at Easter and why not! Christmas day can be any day you choose. Enjoy!

I'm afraid I have little patience for people moaning about their Christmas going wrong. Plenty of us are in their 70's and on their own with no direct family and just get on with it. Thousands, millions are far worse off, so enough with the self pity and be grateful for what you have. I will probably be shot down now.

tell her most councils now offer a free lunch out for people lonely at Xmas on their own so she can enquire NOW to get her name down! also Age Concern may help and her local Churches all do something at Xmas

Pippa22

I chose to spend Christmas on my own a couple of years ago and at the risk of hurting the family's feelings I enjoyed it! It sounds very selfish, but we oldies have had years and years of Christmas festivities before , on and after the day, that I found it quite a relief to close the door on Christmas Day and do exactly what I chose to do, when to do it . including food and drink.
I think we all must keep a sense of perspective. We are in the middle of a pandemic, we cannot know how long it will last or how severe it may or may not become. For two days can we not just be grateful we are still alive?

DanniRae, why would there be special arrangements just because it’s Christmas ? We are in the midst of a deadly pandemic and it is very flippant to say that there might be special arrangements, for Christmas ! Why would the virus not spread just because it’s Christmas. We all need to take this seriously.

Hope someone told the virus about the Christmas Day amnesty.

She certainly won't be the only one! There'll be countless people in exactly the same situation. In her shoes I would be looking to swallowing my pride and volunteering, although I wouldn't need to swallow mine! It is only two days!

DanniRae

I think there will be a special arrangement for Christmas Day to allow families to be together - There is 7 of us so I sincerely hope this will happen!!

I read about a week ago on yahoo news that Boris was considering that we in England could have a break in the rules for 24 hours on Christmas day.
It didn't go down very well the the others though but we can but hope can't we.