Feeling sad

Lockdown has disrupted our relationships with our grandchildren. One minute they can't come in the house, then they can and then again they can't. One minute they can sit on your lap and then they can't. I feel really sad and just hope that it hasn't caused long term damage to our relationships.I've felt sad and powerless. I think its confusing for the kids and yes, they want to be home and feeling safe. Kids need to be with their parents when the world is a bit or very uncertain. Yes, like not too old said its actually a good sign that they want their parents.

My 6 Yr old DGD has also become much less keen on sleepovers since lockdown, although she has to stay over one night per week still. She has become much more needy of her mum since this began. The situation is further complicated by her parents being separated. I don't take any of it personally. It's just how she has dealt with the current situation.

I think that lockdown is responsible for many changes in relationships especially where the GC are concerned. I used to help both my DD and DS with school runs etc but they are still working from home and I’m not needed (that’s another story of course.) Last week we had DS’ children to tea. When we sat down to eat the 6 year old GD became very quiet and didn’t want to eat. We thought she was sulking about something but eventually she burst into floods of tears. She had a read a book at school about a pirate and it had scared her. They are fragile little people and have had a lot of adapting to do since March. She’s also upset as she can no longer see her cousin and some other friends in the playground as they’re not in her bubble. We can only hope that things will become more settled for them very soon.

I found this post so helpful, comforting to know others share the same anxieties due to COVID restrictions. Really enjoy the daily newsletter.

I would have been more concerned if he hadn't have wanted to go home with his dad.
Children change and at 4, he wouldn't be thinking about being"close" to anyone. That is just your interpretation of him liking to spend time with you.
Please don't see it as you are - that he doesn't want to spend time with you. He obviously does, but would rather, at the moment, be at home in his own bed.
In 6 months time things could well be different.

PollyDolly, that is a cruel thing to suggest. Why put that much pressure on a little person to become the adult and sooth you and also give him the worry that his behaviour has upset you so much that he has made you cry.

I think it’s a reaction to lockdown. My 4 yr old grandson became very upset during this time, bed wetting, night terrors and scared to go walking with the dog in the woods. He is slowly getting used to the new “normal “ but still needs lots of reassurance. Don’t push him, he’ll do it when he’s ready. Enjoy the time you spend with him.

You sound so loving. I agree with others, totally normal to feel sad but he is feeling insecure and unsure and wants his dad. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. If you are able to respond to him he will trust / love you more and more. Well done! And give yourself a hug!

My oldest granddaughter used to stay with us for weeks at a time whilst her mum was in hospital and was never bothered about being away from her home or parents. Now she's become very anxious, she doesn't even like it if her mum is out for the evening. I feel pretty helpless when this happens but know it's just a phase she's going through.

Two of my grandchildren (11 and 7) live 10 minutes away and pre-Lockdown, the youngest would come for tea one night a week while the other did an activity. Then another night I would help the eldest with homework while the younger one did an activity. Plus pick up from school when mum wanted to do something. Of course since lockdown none of this has happened, and even though things are picking up again, because their dad is working from home, I’m not needed. I have found this SO hard to deal with, almost to the point of being depressed about it. Now they are back at school there’s even less chance to see them. However, we popped round yesterday to be greeted by the youngest who ran to greet us With a big smile on her face when she saw us.
I keep telling myself that lots of grandparents don’t get to see their grandchildren much, and I have another two I don’t see much, but I guess it’s when our “normal” changes that we notice it.

Oh no Polly Dolly, I wouldn’t be pretending to be upset or sad just to make my GC focus on my emotions,

Mine is about the same age, and for logistical reasons I've not been able to physically visit with them since Covid began. At first he was excited to video with me, but as he's not spent time with me for so long, it's obvious I am losing relevance for him and he wanders off after saying hello.

And you’re so lucky to see him regularly Granangel. I’d give anything to see mine who live in France.

I agree MrsR. Manipulative.

Yesterday 13:06 PollyDolly

“Have you tried pretending to be sad and upset yourself, encouraging him to be a brave boy and look after you? This used to work with my GC.“

Sorry, but I think that’s awful advice.

I think it's very normal behaviour. My grandson is very similar in age. I think the pandemic also affects children in so many ways that are not always obvious, especially at this age when they know things have changed. Bless them,its about doing what they are comfortable with. Like most things with this horrid situation it cant last forever ?

I think after being very close to just his parents for months has made him want to be with them. No reflection on you. He will soon want his sleepovers, bot these are such weird unsettling times. I had fabulous relationships with all my grandchildren, but lucky to get a text now they have grown and flown. I do miss them but they are busy making their lives now as I did.

PollyDolly

Have you tried pretending to be sad and upset yourself, encouraging him to be a brave boy and look after you? This used to work with my GC.

I'm not sure about this.
I think it would confuse a little child.

Granangel, I remember being like your grandson. I was a very anxious child and even though I absolutely adored my Nan and Grandad, I worried about leaving my Mom.
Don't worry, it's just a phase.

Mine, aged nine doesn’t want to be picked up by us on Fridays now. He used to come to our house and was picked up about 7.

Two weeks ago, I got dressed for the weather, practically scuba gear, stood in the rain and waited. Only to be told that he wanted to go straight home to mum.
Last week DD rang on Tuesday to say he didn’t want to come to us last week either.
C’est la vie.
We had nine great years, I expect he will get over it.

Thank you all I do feel a bit better knowing it’s normal behaviour

I too feel I no longer enjoy the closeness I had with my grandchildren when I was seeing them regularly although not as often as twice a week, but 2 or 3 times a month plus the occasional sleepover.
They are happy to see me on the rare occasions- even flatteringly excited- but I recognise that “out of sight is also out of mind”
I do a bedtime story for tge 4 year old on FaceTime most nights but as he has just started school he is often too tired and a bit grumpy, but I can make alliances, after all I’m supposed to be tge grown up!
I just hope it doesn’t get as my own parents who lived 350 miles away and whose health did not make visits possible in their latter years. I did not realise then how much both sides missed out.

Have you tried pretending to be sad and upset yourself, encouraging him to be a brave boy and look after you? This used to work with my GC.

If you look at it from a 4 year olds perspective; he won't have seen as many people as he would have done during lockdown and so his Dad has become the epi centre of his world and he will naturally cleave to him. As he gets used to seeing you more and more, that original trust in you will build back up and he'll be happy to stay for longer. My GS, similar age, begs to have a sleepover at my house but by the time bedtime comes, he wants to go home to his mummy and daddy! (fine with me, he wakes at 05.30)

Enjoy short times with him with parents there and slowly let more develop if that is what he wants.

My very close relationship with my GC has changed during lockdown - I was closely involved with school pickups and meals etc. I think we just have to accept this and get on with life. We can pick up the pieces when things become a little more normal.

Don’t push it. Just go with the flow. He may have done this naturally anyway...just his age, but this virus has changed so much. Enjoy what you have, and don’t hanker for more. It’ll all come back naturally soon enough ?