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Feeling sad

(84 Posts)
Granangel Mon 05-Oct-20 11:19:33

Has anyone else been through this? My 4 year old grandson and I were so close. He used to cry to be with me and when I left him he would cry. Now, since lockdown he cries to go home to his dad when we try to have him for a sleepover. I’m finding it hard to deal with. I still have him twice per week for tea and fun but why won’t he stay over now?

NotTooOld Mon 05-Oct-20 11:30:09

Young children go through these phases, Granangel. It's normal for a young child to want to go home to his Dad when he's had tea and fun with you. He's probably tired and wanting Dad, story, bath and bed. It's no reflection on you and doesn't mean he loves you any the less. I would find it more upsetting if he didn't want to go home, tbh.

BlueBelle Mon 05-Oct-20 11:39:50

Wise words nottooold don’t read anything into this granangel they go through all sorts of phases Go with the flow just treat him the same as always You don’t even know if he’s heard something on the tv or news that has made him a bit insecure and wanting to get home

maddyone Mon 05-Oct-20 11:43:28

I’d just have him for tea and fun then for the moment. If he cries for his dad it’s best not to try to keep him overnight just now. You don’t want the crying to become habitual when he’s at your house so let him go home for now. It won’t be long before he’s asking you for a sleepover.

suziewoozie Mon 05-Oct-20 11:55:21

I can understand your feeling sad. I feel as though I’ve lost some of the closeness with my dgs (6 and 10) as our contact and activities changed these last few months. I’m trying not to dwell on it and also tell myself that without Covid things change and move on.What has made me happy is how well home schooling went for them, how extra good the relationship is with their parents and they’re happy back at school. We’re not doing sleepovers and I miss them but it’s a choice we’ve made with our dd.

Granangel Mon 05-Oct-20 11:59:16

Thanks all, he doesn’t cry until he’s had his bath and is actually in bed. I do take him straight back . I hope it is just a phase as I didn’t have him for 3 months or so in lockdown.

Jaxjacky Mon 05-Oct-20 12:08:52

He probably had a lot more attention from his Dad during lockdown if the Dad was working at home and got used to that. At 4 he’s still very young so he’s finding change difficult, things may revert back over time.

Granangel Mon 05-Oct-20 12:26:04

Thanks for that and yes, although they were always close, they are even closer since lockdown. I just miss him but I’m really happy they’re so close

trustgone4sure Mon 05-Oct-20 12:44:56

I think Lockdown has affected children as well as adults Granangel,please don`t take it personaly,at least he still comes to you for tea and fun.

Toadinthehole Mon 05-Oct-20 12:52:14

Don’t push it. Just go with the flow. He may have done this naturally anyway...just his age, but this virus has changed so much. Enjoy what you have, and don’t hanker for more. It’ll all come back naturally soon enough 💐

Luckygirl Mon 05-Oct-20 13:02:35

Enjoy short times with him with parents there and slowly let more develop if that is what he wants.

My very close relationship with my GC has changed during lockdown - I was closely involved with school pickups and meals etc. I think we just have to accept this and get on with life. We can pick up the pieces when things become a little more normal.

Chewbacca Mon 05-Oct-20 13:04:50

If you look at it from a 4 year olds perspective; he won't have seen as many people as he would have done during lockdown and so his Dad has become the epi centre of his world and he will naturally cleave to him. As he gets used to seeing you more and more, that original trust in you will build back up and he'll be happy to stay for longer. My GS, similar age, begs to have a sleepover at my house but by the time bedtime comes, he wants to go home to his mummy and daddy! (fine with me, he wakes at 05.30) grin

PollyDolly Mon 05-Oct-20 13:06:33

Have you tried pretending to be sad and upset yourself, encouraging him to be a brave boy and look after you? This used to work with my GC.

MawB2 Mon 05-Oct-20 13:09:44

I too feel I no longer enjoy the closeness I had with my grandchildren when I was seeing them regularly although not as often as twice a week, but 2 or 3 times a month plus the occasional sleepover.
They are happy to see me on the rare occasions- even flatteringly excited- but I recognise that “out of sight is also out of mind”
I do a bedtime story for tge 4 year old on FaceTime most nights but as he has just started school he is often too tired and a bit grumpy, but I can make alliances, after all I’m supposed to be tge grown up!
I just hope it doesn’t get as my own parents who lived 350 miles away and whose health did not make visits possible in their latter years. I did not realise then how much both sides missed out.

Granangel Tue 06-Oct-20 06:45:18

Thank you all I do feel a bit better knowing it’s normal behaviour

PamelaJ1 Tue 06-Oct-20 06:57:12

Mine, aged nine doesn’t want to be picked up by us on Fridays now. He used to come to our house and was picked up about 7.

Two weeks ago, I got dressed for the weather, practically scuba gear, stood in the rain and waited. Only to be told that he wanted to go straight home to mum.
Last week DD rang on Tuesday to say he didn’t want to come to us last week either.
C’est la vie.
We had nine great years, I expect he will get over it.

FannyCornforth Tue 06-Oct-20 07:01:28

PollyDolly

Have you tried pretending to be sad and upset yourself, encouraging him to be a brave boy and look after you? This used to work with my GC.

I'm not sure about this.
I think it would confuse a little child.

Granangel, I remember being like your grandson. I was a very anxious child and even though I absolutely adored my Nan and Grandad, I worried about leaving my Mom.
Don't worry, it's just a phase.

Sparkling Tue 06-Oct-20 07:02:56

I think after being very close to just his parents for months has made him want to be with them. No reflection on you. He will soon want his sleepovers, bot these are such weird unsettling times. I had fabulous relationships with all my grandchildren, but lucky to get a text now they have grown and flown. I do miss them but they are busy making their lives now as I did.

Dorsetcupcake61 Tue 06-Oct-20 07:04:49

I think it's very normal behaviour. My grandson is very similar in age. I think the pandemic also affects children in so many ways that are not always obvious, especially at this age when they know things have changed. Bless them,its about doing what they are comfortable with. Like most things with this horrid situation it cant last forever 💐

MrsRochester Tue 06-Oct-20 07:34:36

Yesterday 13:06 PollyDolly

“Have you tried pretending to be sad and upset yourself, encouraging him to be a brave boy and look after you? This used to work with my GC.“

Sorry, but I think that’s awful advice.

FannyCornforth Tue 06-Oct-20 08:05:54

I agree MrsR. Manipulative.

SheilsM Tue 06-Oct-20 09:21:03

And you’re so lucky to see him regularly Granangel. I’d give anything to see mine who live in France.

ReadyMeals Tue 06-Oct-20 09:21:05

Mine is about the same age, and for logistical reasons I've not been able to physically visit with them since Covid began. At first he was excited to video with me, but as he's not spent time with me for so long, it's obvious I am losing relevance for him and he wanders off after saying hello.

TrendyNannie6 Tue 06-Oct-20 09:21:35

Oh no Polly Dolly, I wouldn’t be pretending to be upset or sad just to make my GC focus on my emotions,

BassGrammy Tue 06-Oct-20 09:26:43

Two of my grandchildren (11 and 7) live 10 minutes away and pre-Lockdown, the youngest would come for tea one night a week while the other did an activity. Then another night I would help the eldest with homework while the younger one did an activity. Plus pick up from school when mum wanted to do something. Of course since lockdown none of this has happened, and even though things are picking up again, because their dad is working from home, I’m not needed. I have found this SO hard to deal with, almost to the point of being depressed about it. Now they are back at school there’s even less chance to see them. However, we popped round yesterday to be greeted by the youngest who ran to greet us With a big smile on her face when she saw us.
I keep telling myself that lots of grandparents don’t get to see their grandchildren much, and I have another two I don’t see much, but I guess it’s when our “normal” changes that we notice it.