Am I being overdramatic

As each of my grandchildren came into the world my DD's were very specific: their babies were not going to be taken into anyone's home where there was a dog/cat or other pets or where anyone smoked!

I do have empathy for the original poster. I also take on board all the posts having concerns about the posters dog.
When my daughter was pregnant for first time I had my dog at home. My daughter had to live with me as she had no place of her own . Before the baby was born I found on internet a C.d. that played all the new baby noises very lifelike
and it had a book with it. The book gave all information about a new baby going into the home where a dog may be.
The last chapter was about the birth and if mum went to hospital the message was to bring the first little change of clothing home and perhaps a nappy (nothing too soiled) and bring it to the dog and introduce the smells as after all this is what animals live by. I done all that, and of course kept playing the baby noises. Once baby came home things were okay, of course baby was never left for one moment in a room alone with the dog which is pure common sense.
I would often do a bottle in the morning for baby and sit and feed her. The dog was allowed to sniff near the baby's feet and when she done that she would just lie down with no problems. Once baby was fed winded and nappy change she went into the pram for a nap and mum was there by that time anyway.
I feel that dogs get such a bad reputation but some owners
take great responsibility to train there animals.

Sadly my daughter moved out after six months because she was housed by council and now she has three children.
The children do not visit my house much because they are not used to being around any animals. Like the original poster I visit them and see them that way.
I was not willing to part with my dog and myself had been brought up with dogs in the home it is part of my life.
Just because you have a dog does not mean you should not have contact with GC.

TBH, it actually sounds like the dog is an excuse. One or both of the parents don't want their child at your house. Maybe they don't want you alone with the child. But it sounds like every time you come up with a solution, they find another problem.

Has there been tension or disagreements, op? Could there be a reason for them not to trust you with the baby, or is the mum perhaps just not ready to let baby out of her sight, and you're asking too much?

I must say, 3 months is awfully young to be worried about whether he knows you or not.

agree with you coastiepostie right now its about the three of them you can help in other ways do some housework whatever they need and as baby will be there you will have plenty of time to bond this is a special time dont spoil it. x

As a child I was bitten in the face by my aunt's dog. At the time I was gently stroking its head and it appeared to love it. Then SNAP out of nowhere. I would not have a little baby near a dog.

I agree with the respondents here, a clingy dog will take every opportunity to show the baby it is above him in the pack, particularly as you will either be holding the baby or, As he starts to crawl, he will be on the floor at the dog’s level. I also am worried for you as you refer to yourself as ‘damnedgran’. I’m sure that’s a tongue in cheek name you’ve given yourself but you might find it helpful to examine if you have any resentment re becoming a gran and this is making you a little negative towards the feelings of your grandson’s parents. I’m sure you must also be delighted that they are taking his safety so seriously?

Caragran this is not about training the dog to be safe around children, it is keeping a tiny baby safe from a potentially insecure and clingy dog.
I have worked and trained dogs for many years, until recently training sheepdogs of whom I had several, some of them were inclined to be highly strung and a bit 'nippy'.
Dogs can find the high pitched voices and sudden excited movements of children alarming and will bite.
This coming half term, covid rules allowing, my DD, SiL and 2 DGDs are coming to stay. I just have 2 dogs now but they will be shut out in the garden, with access to a warm double garage with their beds etc. being allowed into the kitchen once the children are in bed.
I know plenty of people will say their dog is 100% bombproof around children, I suggest more like 99%.
Is it worth the 1% risk?
Tooyoung I think you have done all you can and taken every possible precaution but your GCs parents are not happy and that is their right. As has been said, their baby, their rules.

I taught a little boy with a bad scar on his face. He had crawled to the dogs food bowl and the dog naturally reacted. The dog belonged to the granny. All the family were present but they trusted the dog and sadly it had to be put down.
You just cannot trust a dog no matter how well behaved it is as it will revert to instinct. Be sensible over this.
I would go weekly to visit. There will be lots of time to get to know him and lots of fun ahead. Life is too short to have issues with your lovely family who have made you a granny!

Can you not get a wire pen for your dog - that’s what my son has as he knows I am nervous around dogs

The parents are being responsible. Baby comes first, I would be the same.

My late husband and I inherited our D's rescue dog, a labrador/alsatian cross. She was not a fussy animal and my H and I dog owners for the first time. After being very fearful of H at first she happily settled and became very attached to both.

Many years after, my daughter came with a friend's little girl, aged 3, and used to animals she stroked the dog. Imagine our horror when in response she snapped at the child. On my next visit to the Vet, I mentioned this incident and how concerned it had made me. He told me that many dogs are intimidated by small children.

But from that experience, H and I never ever allowed her around children ever again. Sorry to say, the parents of your GC are doing the right thing by insisting no dog when you have their child.

But the OP isn't wanting her baby GD to mix with her dog, which is why she's gone to so much effort to ensure her family can visit and her dog wont be in the same room

Many, many years ago, I worked with someone who bred and trained alsations (they weren’t called German shepherds then). He had two beautiful ones who had won prizes for behaviour at Crufts. Both he and his father were Crufts judges.

When his wife became pregnant, he said the dogs had to go. They went to his father. He told me that as well trained and behaved as they were, he did not think a baby and dogs were a safe mix,

I think you need to read the OP grandtante, she has a large 2 room kennel with heating in her garden, but the parents don't want her dog to have to go outside because they're visiting.

She has also nearly completed second living room so her dog will not be in the same room as the baby, which was originally acceptable to the parents, but is no longer the case.

Anyone would think judging by some of the responses given, that Tooyoungtobe's dog was 'the Hound of the Baskerville's'.

Is there nowhere you can shut the dog in while your grandson and his parents are visiting?

They are obviously afraid of dogs, or of your dog, not sure which. This won't just get better, you know.

I am fond of animals, but I would never allow a pet to be more important than a child!

I'm sorry to say this, but it sounds as if you are making your dog more important than your grandchild.

Could you book your dog into private home doggie daycare to allow your GC to visit? Presumably you will have to make arrangements for the dog if you go away on holiday and it might be better for the dog to start out with day visits now? We have always had dogs and our children were around them from day one, but I know well current thinking on the matter is not so pro dog.

Half of the respondents here haven't read the thread! Tooyoung has explained that she has an outside kennel where she is happy to put her dog and a dog free sitting room (lots of people don't like dog hair) so she doing her best.

I totally understand that some parents don't want there precious new baby to leave their sight (I know, I was one!) and 3 months is very young but babies recognise smells and voices and can form bonds with other care givers from a young age. Perhaps a discussion with your DC Tooyoung? Explaining how you feel and listening to their side might help? In the end, it's down to the parents and I've seen some tragic situations where grandparents have been excluded altogether after falling out with their DC.

Good luck

Another one for the hygiene issue. I can’t stand being around animals especially dogs because of this. When I book a holiday cottage I make sure dogs are not allowed because I would hate to sit and lie where they’ve been. I wouldn’t want to subject a baby to it either, especially one under six months.

Dog crate - with a bed in it and if you feed it in the crate the dog will be fine and secure. Much the most sensible - I've always had dogs but would never let any of them (who have never bitten anyone) be alone with any of my grandchildren when young. Why take the risk and the dog will feel more secure in the crate in any case.

What an absolute load of twaddle. The dog will never get used to children if it's never allowed near them.

Ah yes - let's sacrifice a wee 3 month old in order to train the dog to be used to children. There's a plan. Not a good one; but a plan nevertheless.

You would never forgive yourself if the dog mauled the baby. Things happen in a split second, no matter how careful you are. See it from their viewpoint and decide, who is more precious - dog or baby?

At the end of the day, Tooyoungtobe, it doesn't matter what we think, what you think or whatever the background is, this is remit of the parents. You either take it gracefully and get the chance to keep seeing your grandchild or you make waves, cause ill feeling and risk estrangement. Lots of things we allowed our parents to do with our children without comment, just aren't acceptable to this generation of parents. We just have to accept that we have had our turn. Sadly, they will find they have to learn to be more tolerant when they become grandparents by which time, it is too late for us to benefit.
It is a steep learning curve being a grandparent (and parent!) but experience has shown me that the more you make a fuss, the more the parents dig their heals in. Keeping quiet and accepting that you know nothing, the parents know all, is the best way of things becoming more relaxed between the generations. Hackles really rise when you say, "In my day..." even when you are saying today's methods are better. Praising the bond, the care, etc are better tools to foster that relationship with your grandson.

I don’t understand why you have never been able to go to their home but the baby could go to yours( if it wasn’t for the dog). I know a lot of areas are in stricter lock down now, but I thought that until very recently you could have up to 6 people in a house, in most areas.
Could you not take a packed lunch with you or avoid going at mealtimes if buying food out is a problem, probably safer anyway.
Also I know it’s hard but try not to get emotional when discussing it, as anybody would be less likely to see your point if you do, and may feel hey have to calm you down rather than discuss the matter.

What a sad situation for you - of course you want to spend as much time as possible with your baby grandchild. To many of us a nervous dog could also be a dangerous dog, so the new parents must do what their instinctive tells them is best for their baby and you must abide by that.

Or do you insist on having the dog with you when you visit? I'm with the others-their baby their rules.