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Am I being overdramatic

(128 Posts)
Toyoungtobeadamnedgran Wed 14-Oct-20 17:16:37

Hi everyone, I'm new here and to this Grandma malarkey

Long story short is my grandson who is now nearly 3 months isn't allowed to come to my home.

I had separation issues with my dog and she wouldn't let me out her sight last year, I have been working on her and she doing really well.

I have offered to make a sitting room upstairs away from the dog, at first it was yes ok, now that it's nearly finished there is another problem, new parents are now saying what if she breaks down the doors and comes to get you, what If the baby needs a bottle blah blah

I understand they are nervous, most new parent are, but I'm fed up walking the streets with a sleeping baby, how is he supposed to get to know me, and the weather is only going to get worse, or going to coffee shops for lunch, which isn't always affordable to do all the time.

They had a pram that someone bought them as the fancy pram won't fit in the boot, so this one was smaller, when I ask if they could come over with the smaller pram and walk over my way, they don't have the pram just now, I don't know what's happened to it but I can guess.

I don't drive and walk about 40 mins to their house to go get baby and they come with me.

I'm getting very miffed now as I've tried everything and suggested everything to help I totally understand their fears but I'm fed up jumping through hoops.

Everytime I talk about it I get far to emotional

Anyone any suggestions


Toadinthehole Wed 14-Oct-20 17:23:40

I must admit, I never went to houses with dogs. I’ve seen a few children get bitten in my time, but they’re happy to let you walk the streets with their baby! Could you not do all the visits to their home? Would that help? It’s a difficult one, but unfortunately they call all the shots and you’ll just have to take what’s on offer.

Grannynannywanny Wed 14-Oct-20 17:25:03

Sorry if it’s not what you want to hear, but I’m with the parents. A baby and a clingy dog shouldn’t be under the same roof. It’s a potential recipe for disaster.

Grandmabatty Wed 14-Oct-20 17:31:14

Their baby, their rules. I'm with them on this. I think because you love your dog you think it won't be a problem. I get that as I love dogs and have had them in the past. However they are anxious about their child's safety. Has the dog gone for them or bitten them in the past? That could be exacerbating their anxiety.

Hithere Wed 14-Oct-20 17:32:02

Can you go to their home? Get an uber?
Video chatting?

What have you suggested that has been rejected?

Apart from the dog issue - totally ok to have them and their fears are valid.

This is the main issue I see - you want to see your gc but he is not able to drive himself to see you as he is a baby, so his parents are the ones doing 99% of the work to make the visit happen.

The parents' priorities are not the same as yours and a visit may not rank up as high in their list.

MerylStreep Wed 14-Oct-20 17:34:30

I'm with parents. By your own admittance you have dog with problems and you want to bring a 3 month old baby into your house?

Callistemon Wed 14-Oct-20 17:55:45

Why do you have to walk the streets? Can you not visit them at their house?

The dog sounds as if it could become very jealous and I wouldn't want it near a small baby.

Esspee Wed 14-Oct-20 18:08:00

I wouldn’t want my baby in a house with an animal. My grandmother’s highland terrier bit me on the cheek when I was a toddler.
Your 1 on 1 time with the baby will need to be in their home.

Oopsadaisy4 Wed 14-Oct-20 18:14:00

I wouldn’t let anyone into my home with a 3 month old at the moment, and I definitely wouldn’t let a child into a house with a dog, no matter how it acted when we were alone.

A dog and a baby is a recipe for disaster as news reports often show.

Walking outdoors is the best you can hope for at the moment.

Marydoll Wed 14-Oct-20 18:25:37

I'm another one with the parents.
A dog and someone else's baby, not a good mix in your home.
My son innocently playing in our garden, had his leg ripped open by a neighbour's dog. You cannot guarantee your grandson's safety, no matter how much you love your dog.
The priority here, is the health and safety of your grandson i

Chewbacca Wed 14-Oct-20 18:29:44

I'm another one with the parents. I don't trust any dogs near a baby, no matter how "docile and lovely" they are.

annodomini Wed 14-Oct-20 18:52:16

I agree. It seems that this dog is unfamiliar with the baby and what's more, is very attached to you. Those two facts would be a recipe if not for disaster but certainly for a very anxious and strained atmosphere.

sodapop Wed 14-Oct-20 19:13:08

Even though I am a dog lover Tooyoungtobeadamnedgran I agree with your family. Your dog already has problems and to introduce a baby into the mix is difficult. I am not a fan of cages for dogs but in this instance I think it would be helpful. Get your dog used to going in there as a place of safety not a punishment and she can be safely locked away from the baby. As the baby gets more mobile the problems will only escalate so you need to get a handle on it now, otherwise you may be faced with a choice. I hope you work things out.

Hithere Wed 14-Oct-20 19:19:22

Sorry I misread (you walk 40 min to them)

So you get to see your gc but not on your territory (your home).

Pick your battles, this is one you won't win and have everything to lose

Btw, babies sleep all the time. They sleep, feed, diaper changes, sleep, feed, diaper change, etc.

Lower your expectations - a 3 month old baby is not supposed to know you.

Callistemon Wed 14-Oct-20 19:21:01

I think that, at the moment, you should not really be seeing him at all.

It's frustrating and sad but it's best for him.

Namsnanny Wed 14-Oct-20 19:45:58

I think that at the moment you should not really be seeing him a all.

Is that because of Covid Callistemon? only I thought babies were the safest group.

Callistemon Wed 14-Oct-20 19:50:27

I don't think I'd risk it, though, Namsnanny..
It would be dreadful if you thought you'd given COVID to a young baby.

lemsip Wed 14-Oct-20 19:52:34

I'm with the parents and wouldn't let the baby come to your house!

Madgran77 Wed 14-Oct-20 20:25:52

Why can't you sit with your GC at their house? Seems the best solution if the parents are happy with that.

I definitely would not have a baby in a house with a dog, let alone a clingy one. Its not the dogs fault, but |I think the parents bare right. And it is entirely their decision

lemongrove Wed 14-Oct-20 21:20:24

I agree with all the posts.....babies and dogs are not a good mix.
See the new baby at their home for now.Later on, have the parents and the baby visit your home, when your dog can be safely left in the garden for an hour, or use a cage.Don’t try and look after their baby in your home on your own, the parents should be there too.You will no doubt be asked to baby sit at their home a bit further down the line.

OceanMama Wed 14-Oct-20 21:33:45

I had a family member I wouldn't visit because of their dog and the way it behaved. My child wouldn't go into my family member's house as long as that dog was alive. I am with the parents on this one. It's not worth the risk.

NotTooOld Wed 14-Oct-20 21:46:58

Agree. Dogs and babies - no. My baby son was bitten by a dog in the dog's home. This was years ago but I still remember screaming at the dog's owner. I should add that the baby had not been playing with or interfering with the dog.

Grandmafrench Wed 14-Oct-20 21:47:33

I love dogs - and babies. But the dog is yours and the baby is theirs and they feel very strongly about their child's safety.

I can't think why you would want to face the potential risks or take on the responsibility. The parents are determined that you don't and especially since you have a dog with behavioural problems. The baby and dog don't need to be together nor is it advisable under any circumstances. Seeing the baby regularly at their home where they and you can completely relax and not worry about pets is surely the answer and should avoid your dog regressing because of jealousy when you have been working so hard to improve her behaviour.

BlueBelle Wed 14-Oct-20 22:48:14

I m with all the other posters I wouldn’t be at all happy for my three month old baby to go to a house with a clingy (maybe jealous) dog
As you’re ‘too dammed young to be a grandma’ and it all sounds a bit petty when you talk of their ‘fancy pram’ I wouldn’t worry too much Carry on visiting when you can and don’t push them beyond what they are comfortable with

coastiepostie Wed 14-Oct-20 23:20:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.