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advice please re tiers and visiting elderly mum with alzheimers

(10 Posts)
mamaa Mon 19-Oct-20 13:14:06

Hello, At present where I live is in tier 1- my 89 year old mum has Alzheimers and lives at home with my brother in a tier 3 town. He's mid 60's and is still going to work every day with carers going in 4 time a day. Since lockdown Mum has not been able to access the daycare centre for obvs reasons and has deteriorated in all aspects greatly. (I last saw her in July- she has no recollection of who I am or where she lives always asking to go home). Consequently my brother and I have been discussing residential care- and he'd like me to go up and help him sort it. My question is- is it wise to do so and am I allowed to? Its a 300 mile trip up there passing through mainly tier 3 towns on the way. Also if I did go would I need to isolate on my return? (I'm an early 60's overweight gran, helping out with grandchildren who live close by.' school pick-ups etc). TIA ( ps have also posted this on the coronavirus page)

Illte Mon 19-Oct-20 13:25:09

What is your brother wanting you to do?
You won't be able to visit prospective care homes.

mamaa Mon 19-Oct-20 13:38:50

I don’t really know what he wants. A few years back mum stayed in a nice place for respite so I reckon it’ll be there. Another respite stay was about to be organised then lockdown happened...govt guidelines say that you shouldn’t visit or stay overnight in a house where you live- but of course that’s not mandatory it’s just advice.

Elegran Mon 19-Oct-20 14:20:33

I don't think this would be on. You would be going from one area to another and back. and going to see the care home, and being in contact with your brother and your mother - I don't really think you would find it possible to travel all that distance without seeing your mother, even if she doesn't recognise you. Also, you are helping out with grandchildren, so in contact with another generous source of infection.

Many of us are in the same boat, unable to see elderly parents for their sake and for the sake of the whole community. Can your brother arrange it all himself, keeping you informed at every stage? You can have discussions about every point he has questions about.

Teetime Mon 19-Oct-20 14:23:17

Can you brother gets some advice and support from Age UK or the Alzheimers Society rather than you travelling there and possibly not being able to do anything.

suziewoozie Mon 19-Oct-20 14:24:02

You are muddling up guidance and law - meeting up with another household is against the law, travelling and staying over in a hotel is advised against.

suziewoozie Mon 19-Oct-20 14:27:31

And there’s no way you could visit a care home as Illte says

mamaa Mon 19-Oct-20 14:52:19

Thankyou for taking the time to respond and I agree with all that you have said. My husband has said its not on and I have offered to my brother that I'll do the 'backroom office stuff' to help out when required to but he wasn't really listening. I've checked on the gov uk most recent update and it advises against any travel in or out of a tier 3 area...not looking forward to my next conversation with him.

mamaa Mon 19-Oct-20 16:54:06

Just seen a glaring error in my post up thread- and I’d proofread it. Should be referring to visiting/staying overnight in a house where you DONT live...sorry for any confusion but being part of the ‘sandwich generation’ and feeling guilty for living a long way from my mother and brother isn’t helping lucidity!

Illte Mon 19-Oct-20 17:00:19

Think we're all pretty good at working out what a poster wants to say.

Just sometimes it turns into an awful mistake 😬