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Porn and dirty films

(97 Posts)
P1234 Fri 30-Oct-20 20:50:34

Hi, just found out my husband of 45 years is watching porn and mucky films. I feel hurt and betrayed, should I be

petra Wed 15-May-24 21:04:31

nanna8
Well somebody is viewing porn in Australia. I think most women would be truely shocked if the knew how many men do watch it.

www.sydney.edu.au/news-opinion/news/2016/07/27/most-australians-view-porn-but-few-report-ill-effects--new-resea.html

grannyactivist Wed 15-May-24 20:59:59

Porn is addictive, destructive and desensitising. That’s not my opinion, it’s evidenced by widely available research. (Google is your friend, but make sure you have safe search on.) Like others on Gransnet I have first-hand experience of working with people who have been detrimentally impacted by porn and it’s telling that all of us share the same view that it’s harmful.

Iam64 Wed 15-May-24 20:52:55

And violent perverted abuse of women in porn is available on an iPhone. It used to be it took efforts to get hold of extreme porn, now an9 year old can access it.

Galaxy Wed 15-May-24 20:43:40

Yes and the damage it does is just being revealed.

MissAdventure Wed 15-May-24 20:39:45

I think porn has changed, and is now on the very edge of legal, rather than just showing people having sex.

Cossy Wed 15-May-24 20:36:38

Is it porn, or simply sexually explicit?

flappergirl Wed 15-May-24 20:18:04

nanna8

I don’t know any male, young or old that would look at that sort of porn. I wouldn’t have anything to do with a ‘man’ like that. Obviously some of us move in different circles is all I can say. I’m not talking about sexy movies or the stuff you occasionally get on tv, either.

Oh nanna. It really has absolutely nothing to do with the circles you move in. What would you consider a typical porn viewer to be? They aren't going to tell you are they. Most of the time even their wives don't know and are shocked to the core when they find out.

A very, very high proportion of men have viewed some kind of porn at one stage or another. That includes the bank manager, the local vet and the very nice man next door who grows lovely roses.

If you imagine it's only pursued by stereotypical seedy, dirty little men living in squalid bedsits you are sadly very wrong and very, very out of touch.

MissInterpreted Wed 15-May-24 19:54:46

MissAdventure

Half of all UK adults watch porn, according to a new report.

The most popular site was Pornhub, accessed by 15 million people in Ofcom's snapshot survey from September 2020. That figure is made up of 50% of men in the UK and 16% of women.

This was the first time the media watchdog looked at porn access, so they couldn't say if the numbers increased during lockdown.

But one adult content creator says the pandemic has brought increased demand.

Sites like Only Fans have also opened up a whole new world of porn, where many 'content creators' are now making an absolute fortune producing their own content. I know one woman whose daughter does it and bought her own house outright at the age of 22 from the money she's made on it. It's worrying to think that many young people might be tempted to do the same when they see the money they could potentially make from it.

NotSpaghetti Wed 15-May-24 19:43:51

I thought that too Luckygirl Honestly, how would you ever know without someone telling you or happening upon it?

Luckygirl3 Wed 15-May-24 12:05:29

I don’t know any male, young or old that would look at that sort of porn.

It is a brave person who can state that categorically. You would be surprised at the "nice" men you know who watch this stuff. I have been surprised.

MissAdventure Wed 15-May-24 11:35:19

Half of all UK adults watch porn, according to a new report.

The most popular site was Pornhub, accessed by 15 million people in Ofcom's snapshot survey from September 2020. That figure is made up of 50% of men in the UK and 16% of women.

This was the first time the media watchdog looked at porn access, so they couldn't say if the numbers increased during lockdown.

But one adult content creator says the pandemic has brought increased demand.

Cossy Wed 15-May-24 11:00:54

nanna8

I don’t know any male, young or old that would look at that sort of porn. I wouldn’t have anything to do with a ‘man’ like that. Obviously some of us move in different circles is all I can say. I’m not talking about sexy movies or the stuff you occasionally get on tv, either.

I agree.

Cossy Wed 15-May-24 11:00:31

Were we ever sure what he was watching though?? There’s a huge difference between what we used to call “soft porn” ie sexy movies, and hard porn, which frankly is appalling, disgusting, can be violent, can show real nasty control over women and degrading sex.

I guess we’ll never know as I’ve just discovered this post is four years old.

nanna8 Wed 15-May-24 10:58:01

I don’t know any male, young or old that would look at that sort of porn. I wouldn’t have anything to do with a ‘man’ like that. Obviously some of us move in different circles is all I can say. I’m not talking about sexy movies or the stuff you occasionally get on tv, either.

Dickens Wed 15-May-24 10:52:35

Lovetopaint037

My goodness if every relationship broke up because a man looks at sexy pictures and watches films with some explicit sex scenes then we would be a miserable lot. If, however, he pays for real porn that would not be acceptable to me. What about a more light hearted approach and with your husband actually shake your head and ridicule the rubbish they are. Amazing how laughing with him can put a whole new perspective on what is a very common male thing to do.

My goodness if every relationship broke up because a man looks at sexy pictures and watches films with some explicit sex scenes then we would be a miserable lot.

Oh! Not only stiff-blouses - but miserable ones at that!

I don't think we are talking about "sexy" pictures or films with explicit sex-scenes.

My own son who has two teenage boys is anxious about the content they watch on their devices - so easily available - because, to be blunt - he doesn't want them to view the girls they've started showing an interest in as sexual objects with optional holes to use for their gratification. Do you get what porn is?

Explicit sex-scenes in a film and "sexy pictures" are entirely different from hard-core porn where women - sometimes unwillingly prostituted into the industry - are mere sexual objects for men's indulgences.

The young women - sometimes very young, are carted from one set to another to 'perform'... the 'actors' don't meet up for coffee in the works canteen to have a laugh over the rubbish they've just been starring in...

Dickens Wed 15-May-24 10:32:34

TerriBull

Porn can encompass degradation of women, sometimes where they are physically harmed, as mentioned up thread, such material has found to have been a pivotal factor in driving assailants to carry out their own sexual fantasies on their victims, it really isn't something that can be laughed along to, We're not talking sexualised trite nonsense in the vein of Benny Hill. Even if the viewer were to start off with what is deemed as soft porn, statistics reveal so many don't stay with that they more When we read about computers being viewed by the police and seemingly respectable people have the vilest images, including those of children, it poses the question how did they arrive at that stage?

👏👏👏

Another thoughtful post on the topic.

Dickens Wed 15-May-24 10:31:16

Galaxy

I dont tend to ridicule or have a laugh at the abuse of women which is frequently what porn involves.

👏👏👏

Cossy Wed 15-May-24 10:00:25

petra

I wonder if he’s still watching.
OP was *4 years ago*

😂😂😂😂😂😂

TerriBull Wed 15-May-24 09:38:23

Porn can encompass degradation of women, sometimes where they are physically harmed, as mentioned up thread, such material has found to have been a pivotal factor in driving assailants to carry out their own sexual fantasies on their victims, it really isn't something that can be laughed along to, We're not talking sexualised trite nonsense in the vein of Benny Hill. Even if the viewer were to start off with what is deemed as soft porn, statistics reveal so many don't stay with that they more When we read about computers being viewed by the police and seemingly respectable people have the vilest images, including those of children, it poses the question how did they arrive at that stage?

flappergirl Wed 15-May-24 09:20:32

Lovetopaint037

My goodness if every relationship broke up because a man looks at sexy pictures and watches films with some explicit sex scenes then we would be a miserable lot. If, however, he pays for real porn that would not be acceptable to me. What about a more light hearted approach and with your husband actually shake your head and ridicule the rubbish they are. Amazing how laughing with him can put a whole new perspective on what is a very common male thing to do.

Just out of interest Lovetopaint037 does your husband or partner watch pornography? I'm not talking about looking at sexy pictures or a mainstream film containing steamy sex scenes.

I'm talking about dedicated online porn sites where women (usually in their 20's or younger) perform live explicit sex including oral and anal.

These are readily available online in case you didn't know. You don't always have to pay. Payment usually takes the viewer to the next level (an upgrade) which allows an interaction of some kind with the girls, such as having live virtual sex in the form of masturbation via a webcam or acting out other sexual fantasies.

My apologies if you are completely aware of this and further apologies if you personally feel able to laugh about it. Hopefully you do understand however that many women actually find it humiliating, alienating and distressing rather than funny.

petra Wed 15-May-24 08:42:00

I wonder if he’s still watching.
OP was 4 years ago

Iam64 Wed 15-May-24 08:32:04

TerriBull 👍🏻

TerriBull Wed 15-May-24 08:28:45

I also don't understand "the lighthearted" approach. Porn, degrades and objectifies women. It has often been found to be a factor in driving men such as Wayne Couzens to commit hideous crimes against women. So many reports on how it has warped young boys/mens attitudes towards what they expect from their female counterparts and the pernicious and at times, addictive affect on both parties, sometimes leading to mental health issues. Not to mention the fact that the women performing in such films are often coerced in that. Harmless and lighthearted I don't think so!

Iam64 Wed 15-May-24 08:13:03

Galaxy, Bonnybanko, nanna8 and Luckygirl - good posts.
A more light hearted approach to a husband using porn? How does finding humour in the objectification and abuse of women help any relationship?

Luckygirl3 Wed 15-May-24 08:00:19

The women involved in porn are seldom doing it by choice but often have a drug habit to feed, fostered by the porn producers to keep them under their thumb.
Porn distorts young people's expectations and detaches sex from relationships.
Porn disrespects and objectifies women.
women.
Porn creates avoidance of addressing relationship problems.