Christmas and presents

Liverbird66
Why not let them give your big gifts from Santa but buy some other little gifts to give them when they come to you, along with your gs. If pressed you could say that Santa left them at your house.

Give thought to those who may not be able to buy presents because they have lost their job. This situation may be difficult for someone in most Families this year moreso than ever.

My generous SIL has inundated me with expensive scarves, pashminas, snoods etc, I'm not a scarf wearer. How do I stop her ? I groan at the thought of another squidgy parcel

ChrisO we do exactly the same and it was how my Mum and Dad did it too. If there a paricularly large gift, a mock one is wrapped under three with a clue, often a ditty to lead to the real present.

My daughter is really helpful in providing links to things I can buy online from their lists. I am very lucky that her children often ask for dressing gowns or PJs, which are easy to find.
My son’s children have for years now asked for vouchers. I think I am safe with Am-z-n, though I don’t much like doing that, but they do enjoy going shopping after Christmas.
Adults are a different matter. There is nothing we need or want, really, and I end up with things I don’t want, scented candles etc., even a hamper of sweet goodies although DH is diabetic and I am overweight. I would prefer to stop exchanging gifts between adults.

You have actually upset me implying I might not have a loving and considerate family as in fact nothing could be further from the truth even if one lot live on the other side of the world.

craftyone

lucca, try reading my post properly. the comprehending remark was made just after the word `sparkling ie it belonged to the word. You always try to rile me with wooden spooning, I am sorry for you, I have a happy life because I have a naturally happy optimistic nature and I have a very loving and very considerate family. Can I help you to comprehend?

I wasn’t rude . I said I didn’t understand - as far as I am aware asking for explanation is allowed on GN ? And I have no recollection of “always” trying to rile you ? Examples ?
I don’t know what “wooden spooning “ is

I insist on present ideas for grown up children as I worry about getting something they don't like/want.

I really don't enjoy the whole present buying/receiving thing and would be much happier if I could just bung some money in a card for them!

Liverbird66

Hi, I am new here but desperate for advice. My son and his partner have two beautiful daughters aged 2 and 7 months. We are now approaching our 3rd Christmas as grandparents to our girls and I feel like I am at war with my son and partner.
They have told us that all gifts are to come from Santa, they will pick up our presents and take them away and Santa will deliver them. I have agreed to a selection of gifts to go to Santa but I have said that we want presents under our tree from us to the girls and we have been told no everything comes from Santa. I just can't let this happen we also have an 8 year old grandson to my older son, how awful would I feel giving him presents whilst my Granddaughters sit and get nothing. They just will not compromise with me and its breaking our hearts.

I am totally with you on this. Partly because it hopefully teaches children to say thank you for aunty grandad or whoever! For us the stocking was from Santa and everything else from the named person.

I give money to my kids and their's as I'd sooner not waste it on things they don't want. I buy them a very cheap little present to open, say some chocolate or a little frippery.

I think we have to be very careful about vouchers, many stores are simply not going to survive this next couple of months, January inevitably will see another major shakeout in the retail economy

The rule in our family is that grandchildren receive money, so they can use it to put towards something they need, grown-ups get token presents. I'd be perfectly happy with nothing.

It was a sad moment when my GC asked for money presents for birthdays and Christmases! DH still gives them presents (as well as giving them cash!) and they're very kind when they open them but I can see cash is king with them now. Even the eight year old often tells me how much money he's accumulated in presents. I think back to when I was little and I can still remember being hardly able to breathe with excitement on Christmas morning. One big present, two little ones, I can even remember what they were some years... Our family didn't have much money but I think we had a whole lot more of the things that matter.

I think what you are being is hypocritical, as they gave you their reasons and then you said that YOU don't always like what THEY give you either- which is more or less same isn't it? So why not just agree to what they asked but give them a choice of 2 or 3 items you really want for them to choose one for you? Then you know you really are getting something you want, but still getting a gift to open?Or say you will accept money same as them but mention to the 'main gift buyer' (usually a DD or D-in-L) that you'd like something small to actually open on the day though- a book or scarf etc.? As for my lot- well even my youngest childs(17 now) nanna has been giving just money since he became a teenager as they ''wouldn't know where to start" (her words) in the gift world for video games etc. And my own GC as they have changing favourites i usually ask for a few to choose one from or whats the current favourite, and then make sure i check with their parents first to see that im not buying same as them.But yes it works out well.I myself have 3 DD's who get me 'surprises', a D in L who asks if theres anything id particularly like& tries her best to get it, a son who usually gets me a giftcard or money if i want, and two youngest live at home (22&17) so elder one asks if theres any thing i need (usually slippers!) and orders it on amazon, then tells youngest to pay half towards it.?

We always make christmas lists and then family can choose what they wish to buy for you. Children always confirmed with each other about what they are getting me so no one duplicates and I do the same with the children (all adults ). Works a treat and it is still a surprise on christmas day

Minerva, I have long said ( and been pilloried for it!) that I would much prefer if everybody joined in and said that we pretend that Santa brings the gifts. I know that my children were never any less enthusiastic when they were going along with the story for the sake of the younger ones. I suspect many children don’t let on to save spoiling it for their parents, rather than the other way round!

Liverbird66. We get round it as my 6 year old Grandson opens his presents with Mummy and Daddy in the morning and then they come tround to us later in the day. I always keep a couple of presents back and place them in our fireplace and then I say that Santa dropped them down my chimney, as he thought that GS would be going to see his Nana later in the day. He is quite happy with that. This year, I have got vouchers for Harry Potter world for GS, Mummy and Nana, as I want to go as well! They are in a nice presentation envelope and it will be a magical surprise! We will get to go at some point next year!

Sparkling

We came to the conclusion a while ago that our ACs would prefer, or needed, cash rather than something to eat/dust/give to a charity shop. Since then we have compromised by sending them a cheque or gift card but this is popped into a box with a beautiful Christmas bauble (year dated) for their tree.

They get the useful monetary present and I get the fun of choosing and wrapping the Christmas baubles, which I love!

I also heard recently about a family who, instead of writing lists of presents they’d like, had to write three things they did NOT want for Christmas! Probably a lot easier to think of than those long Wish Lists.

I understand where you're coming from but I also understand the request for money rather than gifts. This year I'm asking for money so that I can put it towards a Swytch wheel. I need to save £500 for it. Cash gifts will go a long way towards it. I give money to the grandchildren because they have everything so gifts just add to an already large pile and get lost in it. Money means they can think about what they want and spend it later when the excitement of so many new toys has worn off.

It has become very common for families to decide not to give presents or to ask for gift tokens or money instead.

I understand why you feel disappointed or hurt by this attitude, but in your place I would go along with it. After all, you never know what might trigger the kind of family quarrel you would bitterly regret.

Buy yourself a nice Christmas present and have it gift wrapped and open it on Christmas Day.

Childish? No, not if doing so gives you pleasure.

I know it is not the same as getting a present from someone else, but it helps.

I'll let you into a secret: we only give presents to our son and daughter-in-law if they spend Christmas with us, as they too are inclined to regard it as silly to give presents when you can buy what you want. DH is a bit like that too.
I love giving presents, and as I have my dolls and teddies from when I was a child, I give them presents.

I longed to do so when I was little, but didn't have the pocket money to do so, so I do it now. DH doesn't know, he would think it childish. I admit it is, but I know it is a game and I enjoy it.

Our family (sisters and their partners and children) usually do a wish list, so we select something from that to give as a gift. One year I was doing a silversmiths class so most got a handmade svet item and sometimes we do handmade gifts. However, given that shopping this year is going to be so difficult (normally do the bulk of it over the next month) I think we'll all just be doing cash ot tokens, esp given the lockdown may not end when they have said.. Going to be a less jolly Christmas this year

If you watched the Martin Lewis Money show in November 2017, he gave an impassioned pledge releasing us all from this 'I'll buy you something so you give me something back' nonsense. I wrote something on the Facebook page and was later contacted to appear on the show in November 2018. It was about not having to spend so much money and therefore not getting into debt for what is, essentially, one day. Yesterday, I did a follow-up video for the show this year where I talk about how NOT having to spend as much as I used to spend, has released the burden of feeling obligated to buy something. As you said, you often don't get back something you like and like you, I pretend I do. What I do with those gifts is to regift them to someone else (making a note of who I received it from so I don't inadvertently give it back to them for the following Christmas!). Martin Lewis suggests that we all cut down on giving because sometimes, we put pressure on the other person to give us a gift and perhaps, they might not be as financially able as us. As I'm a pensioner, I rely on my State Pension to live; I am not in debt and the Christmas money we're given I usually spend towards Christmas. But since 2017 (Martin's pledge) I have gradually reduced how much I spend on Christmas, going from £500 - £600 down to under £100. It can be done. Arrange a secret Santa if you have a large family, agree on a sum of money and then you're only buying one present for the agreed sum of money. I stopped buying for friends and have reduced how much I spend on my family - telling them in advance. Although my family (sons) earn more than my pension, why should they spend a lot of money on me when I can't possibly equate that? Sadly, most offspring want the money so that they can buy something they want and giving someone a £20 voucher does look a bit mean, but I often give things throughout the year, so I don't feel bad about not spending so much at Christmas. Sorry this is a long post.

None of my family buy gifts at Christmas, which upsets me enormously. I used to adore Chrismas as a family time and in my mind, gifts were to show you how much you were loved.

Now, I go to great lengths to shop, buy and wrap prezzies for my dogs. The family laugh at me but I don't care. I get enormous pleasure in seeing thier little pugly faces as they tear the paper of!

Liverbird66

Hi, I am new here but desperate for advice. My son and his partner have two beautiful daughters aged 2 and 7 months. We are now approaching our 3rd Christmas as grandparents to our girls and I feel like I am at war with my son and partner.
They have told us that all gifts are to come from Santa, they will pick up our presents and take them away and Santa will deliver them. I have agreed to a selection of gifts to go to Santa but I have said that we want presents under our tree from us to the girls and we have been told no everything comes from Santa. I just can't let this happen we also have an 8 year old grandson to my older son, how awful would I feel giving him presents whilst my Granddaughters sit and get nothing. They just will not compromise with me and its breaking our hearts.

Oh my word, Liverbird66

That's not fair.

We always told our children that Father Christmas bought stuff that was in a stocking and everything else was labelled as to who it was from!

Funnily enough my daughter did this with the Advent Calendars. She would say that FC dropped them off. Well he didn't actually. These were expensive Lego ones that we got them. I was very happy to get a cheap one for FC to donate but I wanted the children to know we'd got them them the Lego calendars!

Your grandchildren will find out, (sadly) that FC hasn't been bringing them anything at all so it's best to accustom them to the fact family members also give presents!

Why don't you do a 'wishlist. That's what l do with my two sisters . We have a lot of things. Only use certain products (we're at an age where we know what suits our skin etc) so you still do presents but get things you want it need. Works for us