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yet more tears from me

(27 Posts)
joanna12 Fri 06-Nov-20 18:17:40

I live in Wales and was looking forward to seeing my son daughter inlaw and two grandchildren on monday one age almost three and the baby 10 months after our two week lockdown and before that a local lockdown so it has been six weeks,we only get garden visits to my sons are he has been shielding since march mainly as oldest grandson was very ill last november,they don't go out shopping delivered etc son works from home,totally respect that with help in the past from granset guiding me so i am back again.

Last night i mentioned to my son i would bring my parenst up monday and visit with my husband saturday to the garden just an hour or so to be sent the new welsh guidelines that state no garden visit,max of 4 meeting and as i visit with my parents they are classed as my bubble,i feel totally shocked i hadn't read the rules and just though would be as before even hoping for an indoor meet at xmas,i feel what is the point anymore,my son is very careful and says they have gone without so much since march they have no intention of breaking any rules,i support his views and am proud of him and his family,just feel so down,know everyone is the same,just had enough and need to think straight again,okay i am disappointed i am a big girl but i so want to see my grandchildren.Am told it will be on the common by them if there are no people about,then it is watching the weather feeding time for baby etc so it is worst than before.Nothing i can do their choice but how do i get over my selfish need when i see so many people who are with their families as normal.help

dragonfly46 Fri 06-Nov-20 18:24:09

Well if it is any consolation I haven’t seen my DGC, aged 5 and 2 since January. I just hope that everyone obeys the rules and we can see them at Christmas. It is what it is and we have to accept it.

Liz46 Fri 06-Nov-20 18:25:47

Many of us are in a worse position. I haven’t seen my GC for much longer and now my daughter has COVID so her almost ex husband has taken the children and she is on her own.

I am extremely vulnerable to am unable to go and help her. We are both in separate tier 3 areas.

paddyanne Fri 06-Nov-20 18:43:15

I haven't seem my daughter or 3 of my GC since end of February ,they already had one CV scare and tests now thry're isolating because my GD has been in close contact on the school bus. If I dont see them until next year thats fine as long as we all get through this alive .Our family has known 12 people who died from it so risk taking isn't worth it .Be grateful your son and his family are sensible .My daughter has chronic health issues so if she gets it it could mean she wont make it .

Lazyriver Fri 06-Nov-20 18:47:30

It's not a selfish need at all to want to see your grandchildren, and the constant change in rules is very confusing.
I am very lucky this time as I am in a support bubble with my youngest daughter and her two children. It was very difficult last time as she was very poorly with Covid in March and I couldn't help. I was also working so shopping was difficult.
She now has long Covid so glad I have retired so can help out.
I used Messenger to record bedtime stories for my youngest geandchild, who I'm not allowed to see at the moment. We caught up on WhatsApp live too. Could you perhaps use Skype or zoom to keep in touch. I know you can't cuddle them, but seeing them might help.
It is so very upsetting for so many, and so much of it doesn't make much sense.
Try and hold on to your happy times - they will return.

Lucca Fri 06-Nov-20 18:52:23

Haven’t seen one son and 2 grandsons for two years!

This is not a “who is worse off’ thing it’s just possibly helping you deal with the situation. I’d suggest if you can lots of activities to take your mind off it like exercise reading learning a new skill.
And I’d definitely recommend ditching Christmas thoughts....so unimportant compared to ones health.

Luckygirl Fri 06-Nov-20 18:53:07

The only way through this is not to compare your situation with others - personally I would go mad if I did that!

Lucca Fri 06-Nov-20 18:54:05

paddyanne

I haven't seem my daughter or 3 of my GC since end of February ,they already had one CV scare and tests now thry're isolating because my GD has been in close contact on the school bus. If I dont see them until next year thats fine as long as we all get through this alive .Our family has known 12 people who died from it so risk taking isn't worth it .Be grateful your son and his family are sensible .My daughter has chronic health issues so if she gets it it could mean she wont make it .

Paddy Anne I’m so sorry to hear that, I really hope your family come through this in decent health.

BBbevan Fri 06-Nov-20 18:55:01

We live in Wales, My son and his wife + 2 DGDs in England. Never the Twain shall meet. If we are in lockdown they aren’t and visa versa. We haven’t seen them since last November

crazyH Fri 06-Nov-20 18:55:34

Tbh, I find it difficult to arrange a suitable mutually convenient time to Zoom or FT. And when I do, the urge to see them and give them a cuddle, and know that I can't, hurts me even more.......can't win in these awful times!! 😭

Sparklefizz Fri 06-Nov-20 18:57:38

Yes, many of us are in a worse position as others have said. I haven't seen my 2 youngest grandchildren since Xmas last year. They were going to come here at Easter but of course that was cancelled.

My oldest granddaughter is a teacher in Qatar and is stuck there until after Xmas, so we won't be seeing her at all.

It's very upsetting for all of us, but my daughter is a key worker and I am very worried about her. She and my grandchildren have had 2 Covid scares with tests, self-isolation, and another spell of quarantine when a child in my grandson's school bubble tested positive, but I count my blessings that they are all ok, including my son, and I don't want them to worry about me.

It's difficult but it's only for 4 weeks and we will see what happens. My parents were living in London during the Blitz and were bombed 3 times and suffered a great deal. When I was growing up after the war in the 1950s, I never once heard them complain about it.

grannyrebel7 Fri 06-Nov-20 19:16:23

I'm a bit luckier than some as we went 5 months without seeing our two kids and the grandkids, but then we saw them a few times in July/August. We've had lots of calls, but no actual contact since 29 August. I was going to send some flowers to cheer them all up but then I saw these lovely teddies that say "Hug"on them and then you can also add a message. I thought this was a really good idea. I'll post the website if anyone's interested.

Callistemon Fri 06-Nov-20 20:05:31

I know how you feel, however, some of my family is in Australia, some in Wales and some in England.

If you are seeing people with their families they are ignoring the rules and could be spreading the virus. A 17 day lockdown was probably not long enough.

Jaxjacky Fri 06-Nov-20 20:06:12

joanna12 what a horrible situation for you, it’s so hard for so many and seems so unfair. I hope you get one, perhaps some, meet ups outside, even one at a time. You don’t say if you have a computer to make video calls, or if you have friends you could phone? Lean on others, cuddle your husband, try and keep busy, maybe make something for them for Christmas. I wish you well, these days will pass, perhaps slowly, but they will. My best wishes.

GrannyRose15 Fri 06-Nov-20 23:09:10

Try to stay positive, Joanna. If you can see them on the common then at least that is something. It's not being selfish at all to want to see them. We all want to see our grandchildren and these awful lockdowns are simply cruel. I can't understand why the government can't see the damage they are doing to families. But if your son is being cautious I'm afraid you have to respect that. Good luck and I hope you can get together with all the family soon.

hondagirl Sat 07-Nov-20 05:45:56

Yes, it's really hard and very frustrating isnt it? Like others I haven't seen my family and grandchildren since February and Lord knows when I will get to see my son who lives in Europe. I am in Oz and my family are in NZ and what's frustrating is New Zealanders are allowed into Australia but we are not allowed into NZ. Looks like I won't be seeing them for Christmas either.

BlueBelle Sat 07-Nov-20 06:03:43

However hard it is for you joanna you have to get things in better perspective
There are people who have lost grandchildren, grannies who have very poorly grandkids, there are people who are estranged from their grandkids, there are many like me who s grandkids were born overseas two in NZ I haven’t seen for four years and three in Europe I haven’t seen since last Christmas so I think you really really need to count your blessings pull your big girl knickers up and get on with your life and do what your family want
As for your message what is the point any more think carefully what you are saying

NotSpaghetti Sat 07-Nov-20 06:45:11

Well we all would like more contact but we are stuck in our various inadequate situations.

Just tell yourself theat your son and little family are doing well - and your "gift" to them is observing the distance. This is something protective and loving you are doing for them. I know lots of it makes no sense but the thought of accidentally passing this on to someone we love should give you strength.

We'll all have our fingers and toes crossed for a while in the hope that in the not too distant future there will be truly happy times ahead.

harrigran Sat 07-Nov-20 08:56:01

Be brave and look to the future.
I have not seen half of my family since last year and two family members have died, we could not visit them or attend the funerals.
We are not seeing the GC so that they can have some kind of life without them worrying about infecting us.
Nobody promised it would be easy.

joanna12 Sat 07-Nov-20 09:10:09

Thank you all.I am so trying to get a grip,but i am just not coping.I was sure i would see them next week,i haven't told my parents yet who are both over 80 that they cant even go to our sons garden now and they just don't understand,it was a struggle for my dad with the cold a few weeks ago outside and it is hard to tell hime his only grandchild and great grandchildren will be even harder to see going forward,so i guess i carry the guilt for it all,i also feel my son is so strict,i know he is right and my grandson was so ill last year but it all goes around 24/7 in my head and i just find it to much,my poor husband is amazing and he is my shoulder to cry on just sometimes i worry because he worries about me what a stupid woman i am,i can find plenty to do etc i just hurt like many many others,and then seeing a lot of people with their families gets to me and i feel like the only one.What a little mess i have made for myself.Thank you again.best wishes.x

NotSpaghetti Sat 07-Nov-20 10:12:11

Please please tell your parents that the rules have changed now.
Tell them soon so they can decide if they want to come. You are making it harder by hanging back.

Callistemon Sat 07-Nov-20 11:16:43

i haven't told my parents yet who are both over 80 that they cant even go to our sons garden now and they just don't understand

Do your parents have dementia? Are you a carer for both of them? If so, I can understand that you must be feeling stressed.

I know several over 80s and, with the exception of those who are having problems with dementia or stroke, all know exactly what is going on.

Callistemon Sat 07-Nov-20 11:18:53

Could you go and have a chat with your GP or a phone consultation?
It's a difficult time for all of us but you are getting yourself over-wrought and your GP may be able to help.

sodapop Sat 07-Nov-20 12:36:26

I agree BlueBelle we have to make the best of things this year, its difficult for everyone.
Christmas is being hyped up so much no wonder people feel depressed.

Think we should all try to be more positive and do our bit to slow down the spread of the virus.

joanna12 Sat 07-Nov-20 17:56:53

Hi.My dad has early stages but at 82 still runs his own business the best he can my mum is fine,they just expect to have things done their way,mum is very controlling when i tell her about the new situation i know she wont be happy she thinks we should carry on and they will want to do xmas exactly as every other year.I think it is my fault i didn't expect the wales new rules from monday 9th to say no larger groups than 4 plus no more garden visits and as my son says they have missed out on so much this year to keep the children safe they are not taking any risks now.I find it hard not seeing or touching the children esp as i am sat here neighbours to the side of me have visitors and behind me have a houseful,people who should know better.Life sucks.