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If I asked you 'What's the point?' what would you answer?

(24 Posts)
MaryTheBookeeper Sat 14-Nov-20 13:59:06

I am pondering this whilst looking out at the rain. What's the point in life? Kids are grown up, I live alone. I have plenty of friends & hobbies but I still think, what's the point? I could disappear in a puff of smoke & the world would be free of one less drain on resources.

Namsnanny Sat 14-Nov-20 14:10:41

My answer would be: you have depression.
You're not down in the dumps, you dont have the blues.
When this sentence comes out often enough it's a sign to get some medical intervention.
From there the confidence to address all the thi gs which brought you to this place will come.
All my very best to you marythebookkeeper smile

Kate1949 Sat 14-Nov-20 14:16:30

There was a very similar thread recently Mary under 'Chat/Is there any point' which may be of interest to you.

Hetty58 Sat 14-Nov-20 14:31:37

As I said on the other thread 'What do you do for fun?'

The point is to enjoy life and, hopefully help others and make a difference in the world.

I used to say to my students 'Don't be a woulda, coulda, shoulda - just do!'

Have you tried volunteering? It brings real satisfaction and benefits on both sides.

If you really feel useless (not just when it's raining) it's time to make some changes. Contact your GP asap.

MaryTheBookeeper Sat 14-Nov-20 14:37:34

I'm in the fortunate position to have already done everything I wanted to.

avitorl Sat 14-Nov-20 14:41:36

Mary,you have family and friends who would definitely miss you if you weren't here.Sometimes we don't realise just how important we are to the well being of others.
I'm telling myself that the sun will shine again and life will improve for us all but things are very difficult for lots of us at present.Sometimes feeling gloomy seems the sane thing to be!

Luckygirl Sat 14-Nov-20 14:43:21

Unfortunately all the normal things that one might do to combat low mood are not possible at the moment. "The point is to enjoy life" doesn't cut the mustard when someone is truly clinically depressed as this is just what the illness stops them from doing - it is not about making the choice to be happy; it is about the illness taking that choice from you.

Thankfully most people do understand that and have moved on from the pull-yourself-together mindset.

Mary - I think you should chat to GP - phone appointments are ongoing in most places.

I too struggle with the fact that I am now on my own, being newly widowed, but I try and do things that might be of use to others, as this injects a bit of purpose to my day. I bake things for my local children and their families - Christmas cake is in the oven as I write - and I am in the process of making them photos books for Christmas; and something similar for a couple who have left the village - collating photos and messages from others to add to the book.

It is a big leap in life when we have only ourselves to please - especially after lives of caring for others, bringing up family etc. For me I was a social worker in hospitals, bringer-upper of 3 children, organiser of arts festivals and youth music, conductor of choirs, and above all a carer for my sick OH. Now that all this has stopped it leaves a huge gap, and I fully understand how hard it can be to motivate yourself to find ways to fill that gap, especially during these difficult times.

My heart is with you - stay in contact with Gransnet community, and feel free to pm me if that might help.

Take care. x

Lucca Sat 14-Nov-20 14:44:59

There isn’t a “point”. It’s life and then it’s not!
Live in the moment it’s all you can do. Nice though that you have friends and hobbies !

Onthenaughtystep1 Sat 14-Nov-20 14:45:35

I fee like that sometimes Mary but then I see a beautiful sunrise, hear a wonderful new piece of music, prepare a superb meal, read a great book and I am glad I am still around.

If you are feeling really low you are probably suffering from lack of serotonin. Something like fluoxetine can get you back into a positive frame of mind in a few weeks. Do discuss this with your GP. 💐

Casdon Sat 14-Nov-20 14:49:27

I’m really sad for you if you feel that you’ve really done everything you wanted to, that’s not fortunate at all, it’s the opposite because it means you’re not enjoying your life now, and you’re not looking forward to anything. It does sound like depression, please get some help as soon as you can. Good luck.

Blossoming Sat 14-Nov-20 14:50:15

My OH, my extended family, my friends, the people in my support group.

It is 17 years since an event that should have killed me, but it didn’t. Every day is a bonus. I’m disabled as a result of that and it has thrown many challenges my way. There are still things I want to do and I won’t give up trying. This probably colours my view, a lot of my time is spent supporting people who’ve gone through similar events and need help to see their life is still worth living.

Hetty58 Sat 14-Nov-20 15:33:58

Anyone can have an 'off day' or feel useless when it's gloomy and raining. Depression is different, a persistent low mood, day after day for weeks on end. That's when people should see their GP.

My friend was so accustomed to looking after everyone else that, when her children left home, she felt her life had no purpose.

I've struggled to understand it, though. I felt quite elated when the last one left.

I've never reached the point where I've 'already done everything' either, so can't imagine what that feels like.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Sat 14-Nov-20 15:39:18

Well, there is no real point to life, is there? But we might as well get on with it as best we can and enjoy the journey from here to there - wherever that is.

In 'Of Human Bondage' the main character asks a learned friend the same question and his reply is, 'the answers in that rug.' Pondering on this for a while he eventually came to the same conclusion.

M0nica Sat 14-Nov-20 15:42:56

Just because ^ the kids have grown up^ doesn't mean that your loss would not cause them deep distress. Don't say 'they wouldn't care' They would, believe me.

sodapop Sat 14-Nov-20 15:45:24

Luckygirl is right, look for some help Mary it's difficult to move on at the moment as so many avenues are closed to us.
There are better times to come and you will find some fulfilment but in the meantime accept some help with your low mood.
Good luck and keep talking on here.

Gwyneth Sat 14-Nov-20 16:12:22

Mary There are always new challenges to be found in life. Things will get better. We are coming into the worst time of the year. It’s gloomy and wet. I almost wish it would snow so everywhere would like white and bright. Please speak to your doctor and your friends so that they can support you and then you will realise how important you are to them.

MerylStreep Sat 14-Nov-20 16:26:57

When you've got to the stage where your saying whats the point it's serious. I would advise you to phone the Samaritans. Wonderful people. Don't feel ashamed or embarrassed, it's just you and the person on the other end of the line.
Please please make that call.

Nanna58 Sat 14-Nov-20 16:31:04

Please Mary seek some help from your GP I’ve been at the depths you sound to be at , and it’s not a hole you can pull yourself out of believe me. Hugs and don’t hesitate to pm me if you need to.

Shropshirelass Sat 14-Nov-20 16:33:24

The point is that you are free to do whatever you like. The pouring rain is watering everything and washing it clean. Try some new hobbies, join some groups when we can go out again, read, do craftwork, jigsaws, try new recipes. You can do these online. What about the Open University? They have fabulous courses and support. Do you have a dog or cat, little dogs are great company and you have to look after them, cats are more independent but still company. I do gardening when I feel fed up, it is so therapeutic and I don’t mind the weather. There is a wonderful world out there for you, you can explore to your hearts content.

B9exchange Sat 14-Nov-20 16:40:53

Faith is what keeps me going. I know it isn't for everyone, but the point of my life is to try to love God and to to try to love my neighbour (in the widest sense) as myself. That gives me a focus.

But I agree with others, if you can see no point in going on, that is desperately sad, and you really could use help. Just talking to someone such as Samaritans or Silverline until you can get more professional help?

rosecarmel Sat 14-Nov-20 17:43:18


I am pondering this whilst looking out at the rain. What's the point in life? Kids are grown up, I live alone. I have plenty of friends & hobbies but I still think, what's the point? I could disappear in a puff of smoke & the world would be free of one less drain on resources.

I'm happy you asked- 😊

It isn't a sad question- It's a question one asks when the mind is calm, reflective and nearly quiet-

The purpose of the question itself isn't dependent upon despair but wondering what's next rather than what's the point, in preparation to transition to the next phase and where ever it may lead-

The point only points forward- For all of us- 🌹

Nadateturbe Sat 14-Nov-20 17:47:40

Mary you've obviously no motivation to do anything at the minute. I would suggest talking it through with a counsellor.

Judy54 Sun 15-Nov-20 13:47:13

Sad to hear that you feel like this Mary even though you have plenty of friends and hobbies, many people on their own do not have this. Some are housebound with health problems and cannot get out at all or they are caring for someone that they love. As others have said you do need to seek help to try and find out what is making you feel like this. Can you talk to your family and friends about your concerns as I am sure you are not ready to disappear in a puff of smoke. Consider the impact that will have on your children, family and friends. Why do you feel that you are a drain on resources what things are you resourcing that would be better of without you. Your world and the people in it do not want to be free of you because you are their world. Sending kind thoughts flowers

Lisagran Sun 15-Nov-20 15:30:48

How are you today, MaryTheBookeeper?