Emotional blunting

I feel some comfort after reading some of these posts. I often wonder if I am abnormal in my lack of tears. I very rarely cry, whereas I know my older sister has a good cry over something at least once a week!

No tears at funerals for me, or saying goodbye to friends or family leaving after visits, and yet when a silly commercial comes on the TV I will well up. There's no accounting for it.

hollysteers
That’s an interesting point of view.
My Dad was the most gentle, kindest man. He was loved by everyone who met him. He was always there for me and I miss him so very much.
I find it so difficult to understand my lack of tears, but you have given me another perspective. Thank you

Flaxseed you say your beloved father, so I’m assuming you had a very good relationship with him. My husband died four years ago and if one made a list of requirements for a perfect father, he would fit the bill (I won’t mention the husband list? only joking) So I have been surprised how my two AC have taken his death with complete equanimity. I’m sure they miss him, but no upset.
Now I had a violent father and all sorts of tempestuous feelings erupted when he died, so maybe the less complicated, the more accepting?
I also like the saying “Thoughts that lie too deep for tears” but can’t remember who wrote it.

MissAdventure you are right. I take medication for a medical condition. What is the difference.
As others have said we are all different but do not try to fit into a ‘norm’.
I am sorry that you feel you cannot grieve but maybe the grief is too deep at the moment.
An analogy - my DS had an gouge on his leg. It went so deep it did no bleed or hurt. It went too deep.

Grief comes to us at some time, and our feelings change, anger, depression arrive to add to the sadness, from time to time.
People say that "time heals" maybe it does, but there are still scars, which vary in size and prominence from time to time.
We all are different, and so cope in different ways. Sadly for some, with alcohol or drugs, which can add to the problem, rather than alleviating, once the "anaesthetic" wears off.
We need to be strong, and support from family and friends is without price.

But BlueBelle I suspect that just that word "should" and the assertion that you would not take medication is very painful to those who need help - these are the sort of comments that stop them from getting the real help that they badly need - and from continuing it when they might benefit. And for feeling bad about it while they are taking it.

So many people feel they have "resorted" to antidepressants as if it is some sort of failure. Anything that encourages that attitude is a bad thing.

I am on an anti-depressant and feel no guilt or shame about it - I was ill - I needed treatment - end of. And I can verify that it definitely does not blunt my emotions - I cry every day for my OH.

So sorry for the loss if your son Puzzled. I agree with what you say. I am constantly astonished by the things people cry or get upset over but obviously what seems a small matter to me, is important to them.
For instance, a friend phoned me upset that she had lost a tooth and was frantically trying to get the money for an implant.
I was sympathetic and felt for her but what I really wanted to say was (I would never have) 'Try walking in my shoes. My mother let a dentist take all of my teeth out when I was 11.' (I mentioned this on another thread. Apologies for repeating).
I would give anything to be in my friend's shoes but realise that if I was her, I would be equally as upset. Does that make sense? To me it was nothing. To her it was devastating.

We all get marked by life, in various ways.
Very soon it will be 29th anniversary of losing our dear son.

What seem to be major dramas in others lives are much less in ours. Losing a shopping bag, well so be it, we can buy another one. We are more upset by the loss of a pet, or a friend's misfortunes.
So have we become emotionally blunted, of just toughened?

Kate1949

Some sad stories here. I have always refused medication through my many traumas, due to the old fashioned 'get on with it' attitude in my family.
My life would probably have been happier if I had had some help.

It’s not too late. Please reach out to your GP

Yes that’s true Kate.

It's not just medication that can cause emotional blunting. Traumatic life events can do that too, especially when they come one after another.

If you broke your arm you would accept treatment, you wouldn't even question it, so there is no reason to feel any differently if it’s another sort of pain, a heart pain, an in your head pain. No need to be embarrassed or feel uncomfortable because it really is ok not to be ok.
Medication does help but yes in my limited experience it can dull or blunt things a bit, but maybe that is what is needed and if it helps someone cope with their pain for a short or a longer time, then there should be absolutely no shame in accepting that help.

I agree. Walking wounded is very apt for some of us.

Some sad stories here. I have always refused medication through my many traumas, due to the old fashioned 'get on with it' attitude in my family.
My life would probably have been happier if I had had some help.

I have been glad to read this,as I hadn't heard of the term emotional blunting and thought that I am the only one to experience this.

It seems that it is something quite common.

With the exception of my relationship of 16 years breaking down,I have been unable to cry for the last 40 years,I am in fact normal.

Although the there is sadness on this thread,we have each opened up painful parts of ourselves,and given comfort to each other ,so thankyou.

I totally agree with with MissA walking wounded is such an apt description

for you all

thing not think

Garnet, Thank you, I would always seek medical advice and as a previous poster suggested, I won’t do anything until next year now.

MissAdventure, here’s some . I wish there was something to ease your pain.
My brother died in his 40’s and part of my parents died with him. The only think comforting us since losing Dad is that Father and Son have been reunited.

Luckygirl I said very clearly it was personal to me I did say everyone is different and some will find the need to use them
If you read my post I wasn’t giving advice saying what my own feelings are not what others should do

MawBe. Sorry for your losses too.

I only resorted to medication after what I guess is a sort of PTSD. The lack of sleep due to reliving things meant I couldn’t function at work properly. I couldn’t go on like that, as mistakes at work are literally a case of life or death!

I do wonder if I would have cried more after losing my Dad, had I managed to avoid medication the previous year tho. I’ll never know now.

I can remember sobbing for days after watching ‘Lassie come Home’ and ‘The Notebook’!!
And a school nativity would get me every time too!

I sway from wanting to come off the medication to feel normal emotions, to being too scared to in case I crumble!
But this thread has made me realise that it might not be the medication at all! ........

It's the same as having a condition that can't be cured, I'd say.
If you've an inoperable, painful problem that impacted your life badly, you would take something to enable you to function, such as painkillers, or use aids, or mindfulness.

Walking wounded, I think I am, and nothing will ever change that.

Flaxseed, please be very careful and don't come off your anti-depressants without medical supervision. I have been on anti-depressants for many years and was already on them when my son died unexpectedly of a heart attack at the age of 30 in 2007. I could hardly cry then but I think that was partly shock as I went numb and just through the motions of coping. Ten months later my father died from cancer and at his funeral, I wept buckets. I know that was for my son as well as for my father who died at the age of 93 and had had a good and full life. I was, and am now still on the antidepressants so I feel that shock is much more of a factor in not being able to cry.

Oh downtoearth I have no words

Sorry I have created such a sad thread, but it definitely helps to listen to everyone’s wise words. Thank you to everyone for sharing their stories and experiences of this.

I might have expected to have experienced this - first child (boy) died at three weeks. Husband with multi and complex health issues also made redundant in the 90’s making life an unnecessarily complex struggle, his years of life limiting hospitalisation and surgeries and then 3 years ago his death at just 70. Lost his mother and both my parents during those years after his transplant but should I consider myself lucky never to have had recourse to medication but let the normal grieving processes run their course? Does blunting the emotions do more than offer a temporary respite only for the grief to surface later?
Anyway the bottom line is that anything from children singing Away in a Manger to a sad book reduces me to tears in an instant.

My heart goes out to each of you with the suffering you've experienced. We all have to cope as best we can and there are no "shoulds" as we're all different.

One thing though - I don't think now is a good time to come off any medications at all what with Covid and with the emotional time of Christmas looming. A decision regarding this could be made in the New Year, if at all.

for all of you.

MissAdventure

I think that kind of thinking is what makes me stop taking them.
I feel I should be able to cope (and I do, on an everyday basis)

It's ridiculous, but I was raised in a very "stiff upper lip" home.

Its It's quite difficult for me to post here that I need medicating!

I think you are brave for posting it.

We all need different things. Some of us need medication to keep things even.

There is nothing to be ashamed of, despite what some well meaning people say