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More to life? But what?

(134 Posts)
LadyBella Tue 08-Dec-20 22:08:23

Before I start I'd like to say I know how lucky I am - reasonable health early 70s, good DH, 2 AC and 1 lovely GC. We live in a lovely part of the world and have a nice home. But I have a restless nature. Can't decide how I'd like to spend my final years. I dream of moving to the seaside, or living on a canal boat, or buying a woodland ... etc etc. I just don't want to be a pensioner living in a bungalow and just plodding on which is what we're doing now (obviously hampered by Covid). I really am grateful for all I have but does anyone else feel like this? Sometimes I could scream with frustration. DH is willing to go along with any of my schemes. We're not rich but we're not poor either. I'm just seeking ideas and suggestions.

bigbird1 Wed 09-Dec-20 10:21:42

I know exactly how you feel Tanith. It's so hard to "start again" after losing your partner. I have been away on my own and that is my salvation. I go on organized coach tours, and after the first solo trip, have never looked back. You will meet lots of lovely people and have a smashing time. As far as moving I recommend it. One step at a time. The clearing out is the hardest , but once you have started you will get quite ruthless about what you throw away. I dumped so much stuff and my only regret is that I threw away all my theatre programs, which must have been. 00001% of the total. Try not to think.of the whole task , just a little at a time. Take care and good luck. Xxx

schnackie Wed 09-Dec-20 10:21:47

I retired 'early' (59) and spent the next 7 years travelling around Europe courtesy of a programme called 'HelpXchange.org'. People provide you with accomodation (private room) and meals in exchange for about 4 hours per day of work. Because of my age and physical condition, I kept to household types of work - cleaning, cooking, speaking English to children etc. Then I would travel around the area on my own. When I realised I wasn't really able to be of any 'help' to anyone anymore, I travelled alone which I don't mind doing at all, but came to realise that it was no fun if you don't have anyone to share it with. So October 2019 I took my first singles-coach holiday to Holland with Shearings (I think?) and it was a life-changer. Many of these holidays are too expensive for me, but there are quite a few that include full board for under £500 for 5 days. I had two further trips planned with people I met on that first trip, but Covid put paid to that. I will certainly go again when restrictions are lifted!

Coconut Wed 09-Dec-20 10:24:02

I know what you are saying and however lucky and truly blessed I feel with 3AC, 5GC and all doing so well..... We are still allowed to have our own dreams. I needed something for me, after living all my life helping others, supporting my family etc So I made my bucket list and started ticking things off about 5 years ago .... salsa dancing at the Carnival in Rio, Ipanema Beach, Copacabana Beach .... Iguaza Falls, Hawaii, Bora Bora, Jazz cruise on the Mississippi, New Orleans, Tango dancing in Argentina ... New Years Eve at Lake Como etc I’m lucky enough to live in my DD granny annexe at present but if they move I would also like to spend my days somewhere different too. Good luck .... we’re only here once so follow your dreams.

Awesomegranny Wed 09-Dec-20 10:26:43

I’m in a similar position, about to sell up and split from my partner so for the first time in my life I will be able to live where I like and do what I like. My dream was Cornwall but just before the second lockdown I visited St Ives and came away deciding it is better to stay living in the same area as I’m in but instead of so many foreign holidays to start going to Cornwall for extended breaks then I get the best of both worlds. To upsticks as you get older is doable but you may miss the support networks you leave behind.
Ensure you plan some adventures to look forward to, lots of company’s do great touring holidays so when COVID restrictions ease I’m planning on some new adventures on my own. I’ve traveled quite a bit and always find people helpful even if they can’t speak the same language. Even if you stay where you are look for new things to do, lockdown made me walk and explore the countryside.

jocork Wed 09-Dec-20 10:34:24

I retired in October and all the things I was planning for retirement have stopped happening becuse of the pandemic. I actually stayed on working for longer than originally planned because I couldn't bear the thought of retiring from 'working from home' which meant doing very little, but went back to working in school for half a term to retire properly. Since then I've worked for 2 weeks invigilating for the school's GCSE mocks but now I'm back to daytime TV and my huge 'To do list' much of which I continue to procrastinate about. I'm grateful for so many things but starting to get frustrated by my own company. Being in tier 3 while most of my friends are in the tier 2 area next to us doesn't help either! I get invitations to the few things that are still happening but can't go as people forget I'm just over the border. I'd planned to travel more but that too is on hold. Let's just hope the vaccine changes things for the better. The cold damp weather will subside and Spring will hopefully bring new energy to tackle that dreaded 'To do list'!

Hellsbelles Wed 09-Dec-20 10:38:23

I have a friend who sold her expensive London flat for the dream of taking a step away from the rat race and bought a canel boat.
She lasted about 2 years .
If you plan to travel up and down the canals you have to be able to plan minutely. Getting shopping , you can only buy what you can carry as no car, you cannot need regular doctors, hosp appointments etc. You have to fill up water, get rid of toilet waste etc . You wouldn't regularly see family and friends and how would you get to public transport easy if you had to get to somewhere in an emergency.
If you have a permanent mooring , things are slightly better , but what's the difference from living in a fixed bricks and mortar or a floating one except a much smaller area !

tictacnana Wed 09-Dec-20 10:40:55

How fantastic to be adventurous and restless at this stage of life ! When I retired, a few years ago, I felt like I’d come to the end of a huge, life long obstacle race, like a job themed Krypton Factor. I just wanted to enjoy my home and the interests and hobbies that I’d never had time for. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I hope you find peace and have fun along the way.

Gingergirl Wed 09-Dec-20 10:41:04

Yes I often do feel like this. I’ve concluded that the changes needed are with company you keep, places you visit, where you live, and what you spend your time doing on a daily basis. Unfortunately, to change much of that, is not easy with the covid situation. So by a process of elimination, I’ve extended an artistic interest and am now selling (a little) online. It’s been really interesting so far and required learning more tech skills, artistic ones, and marketing ones. I’ve also taken to reading some more ‘enlightening’ books, rather than the usual light reading.there's so much I've never read in my lifetime. We have considered moving but rejected the idea and are now radically decorating...and I’m just hoping that the travel ideas will take fruition later next year. These ideas won’t necessarily work for you...but you will need to come up with things that you want to do...and go for as much as you can at the moment. Good luck with it. Try something that appeals to you...it doesn’t matter if you end up rejecting it..Life will be as much...or little as you can make it..

Applegran Wed 09-Dec-20 10:42:03

I think this is more about finding meaning in life and not so much about holidays or going out for meals or the theatre or similar - nice though those things are and they do make a difference. But we do seem to need meaning in our lives and that does seem to be to do with reaching beyond ourselves - so for instance, for those of us who had children, earlier in our lives raising children gave meaning, as we were putting so much love and care into our families. But for most of us on GN our children have grown up and no longer need us in the same way. So for me its worth asking yourself how you can reach out beyond the life you now have - this is likely to mean something like helping others, or learning something new, or deepening your understanding of who you are and your life (e.g. through meditation or yoga or psychology), or doing something new and creative, maybe with others. There are various books about our need for meaning - famously Victor Frankl's 'Man's Search for Meaning' and more recently here is a relevant TED talkhttps://www.ted.com/talks/emily_esfahani_smith_there_s_more_to_life_than_being_happy/footnotes?@TEDTalks

Laughterlines Wed 09-Dec-20 10:42:40

Tabitha. Join the travel group online called Thelma and Louise. You can make new friends in your age group and arrange holidays, theatre, cinema, coffee or lunch outings and generally open up your social life. There are plenty of people in your local area or worldwide to make friends with. (Other travel and friendship groups are available)

OmaWal Wed 09-Dec-20 10:45:03

Totally agree LadyBella - in similar position but still working a bit and volunteering a lot. Really difficult year for everyone and we've missed travelling. Being grateful for what we do have...but with a secret thought of "is this it?"! sometimes

Spec1alk Wed 09-Dec-20 10:45:30

Do you have a dream? I had always wanted to go to Easter Island but my husband was not interested. A friend was interested so after retirement we planned a trip and explored Chile and Easter Island. It was wonderful! If you are able to do so, follow your heart and plan something wonderful!

claresc0tt Wed 09-Dec-20 10:53:08

Life is what you make it. The world, however, is now a relatively more dangerous place than when I grew up in the 50s & 60s. We are very lucky to live in the UK and I wouldn't choose to live permanently anywhere else. When I was young, I always thought the grass was greener in other people's lives, but as I got older I realised my grass was green also! I do wish I'd had more adventures when I was younger and fitter, but was never able to do these things because of lack of funds. These days knowing my grass is as green as many others, I'm happy to dream still! I'm happy, comfy, warm, and have a wonderful family and friends surrounding me. I know I'm very lucky and therefore I'm content.

MollyM Wed 09-Dec-20 10:54:14

I am nearly 70 and in good health. Occasional aches and pains which I try to ignore. The last 10 years of my life have involved helping with GC but since March, when the first lockdown happened, my children said they would take over as they were working from home. I was bereft at first as I love my GC dearly as do they me. I think! I needed something to fulfil me So I set upon a long term programme of getting fit and taking long walks every day. I set myself a target of 10,000 steps but mostly exceed that. My aim is, next year, hopefully, to go to Santigio in Spain on the Pilgrims Camino walk. I don’t intend to do the whole 700 kilometres (!) but certainly part of it. I’ve been reading books and looking at travel agents details and as soon as the Camino path is open again Im off! I intend to travel alone as that apparently is the way you meet new friends. It’ll be a huge Tick off my list to achieve this. My OH is fully supportive and will probably enjoy the peace and quiet!

BusterTank Wed 09-Dec-20 10:59:08

I felt like this when I was younger . I thought there's got to be more to life than nursing . So my husband and I and our 2 daughter's moved to spain , it was the best thing we have done in our lives .

Barmeyoldbat Wed 09-Dec-20 11:04:52

When Mr B hit 60 we packed our bags like two teenagers and set off to SE Asia backpacking for 4 months. We did this for 10 years and made so many friends and helped out with english classes in various remote places. Now we are looking at renting a place in Europe, Holland or Germany for the 3 months we will be allowed to stay and get to know the town we will be living in and join in some of the community activities.
We don't use a motorhome as we find it much easier to get to know local people and integrate a bit into their life. Maybe you could do something similar.

Tempest Wed 09-Dec-20 11:10:34

I was forced to sell my large family home 10 years ago. But it forced me to make decisions I would never have made. I moved to a very busy and vibrant part of London. Very expensive for a very small house but theatres, restaurants, easy transport on the doorstep. Joined numerous courses and clubs locally. Joined Meet Up groups, walking, crafts etc. I have travelled many times on my own with single guided holiday companies. Just You, Explore, Solo Holidays. If you like to plan your own trip and need someone to share Thelma & Louise is a women only travel club.
www.thelmandlouise.com/en-gb/
So much to do (this year lots of DIY painting my house) just need good health and the end of this pandemic. LadyBella as your DH is up for any of your schemes I would dream big. Start with exploring the UK then take on the rest of the world.

Grandmadougal Wed 09-Dec-20 11:35:49

I feel the same, retirement is not what I imagined, I volunteer but that’s been curtailed due to Clovid. I’m sure people will think I’m very ungrateful for everything I have, I’m not but I want the next (hopefully) 25 years to be fulfilling.

Theoddbird Wed 09-Dec-20 11:42:12

Move to the seaside...x

dragonfly46 Wed 09-Dec-20 11:43:22

I try to take pleasure in the small things at the moment. A sunny day makes me smile. Seeing the frosty trees and hills makes me happy. Speaking to my DGC on FT is an uplift. Fortunately I don't have to be having adventures all the time. I love going away but also love being at home. At the moment wanting more is just frustrating.

Witzend Wed 09-Dec-20 11:47:25

I used to really want to move to our favourite little seaside town once we’d retired.

But that was before we had Gdcs - first didn’t arrive until I was 67 - so I’m glad we stayed put. It would have meant a much longer journey to go and see them (3 Gdcs now) and too far for the emergency one-off childcare I/we have done. I was so glad to be only an hour and a half away when baby Gds was rushed into hospital with severe bronchiolitis, so dd could be with him and I could look after no.1, still well under 2.
Ditto when no. 3 was on the way earlier this year. As well as other one-offs.

TBH I’m not sure I’d ever have been able to shift dh from where we are anyway. Despite many years of living and working abroad, he will always be a Londoner at heart.

And increasingly I’m grateful for a warm, comfortable, conveniently located home - with excellent public transport on top - that’s not too big for us. We did try to upsize a bit many years ago but it never did happen.

I’m getting better at counting my blessings lately!

Cambia Wed 09-Dec-20 11:49:45

We have a small Motorhome and love it. We mostly go to Scotland and either park in a pub car park and have a meal or park next to the sea and cook in. The freedom to explore is amazing. It just fits us two and is warmer than our house. Our plan is to explore all of the UK and Europe over the next few years while we are fit. Exploring the idea of driving to The Lofoten Islands and doing Norway Sweden etc.

Not too bothered about the big wide world as there is so much in Europe and the Uk to still explore.

Barrygirl Wed 09-Dec-20 11:50:31

I was in danger of sleepwalking into the later part of my life ... but I picked myself up (I live alone, children in other parts of UK/world) and moved to be closer to the sea at the age of 72! Best thing I ever, ever did. Yes, it was hard work but so worth it. Just do it! Lock down meant I haven't made many friends in my new location but am getting there. Absolutely no regrets - just wish I had done it 10 years ago!
I often holiday alone or with a small group of people. Life is for living ... not for hanging around.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Wed 09-Dec-20 11:51:23

I think many of us we feel that there's one last adventure out there somewhere, no matter how trivial it may seem to others. I have a small tinge of dissatisfaction about my life, despite being in reasonably good health with a comfortable home.

I've been widowed for nearly ten years and have learned to be fairly independent though I'm not brave enough to travel alone. Paris one more time, or maybe Venice will most likely remain a fantasy.

As eazybee says - be careful what you wish for, as many things don't work out as you'd hoped. I try to count my blessings, such as they are. I lead a quiet life and most of the time that's ok.

jaylucy Wed 09-Dec-20 11:51:51

This year has stopped most of us from doing what we would normally be wanting to do and also given us a chance to re evaluate our lives.
It also makes us think of trying something that we may never have considered.
As far as moving to the seaside, or a canalboat is concerned, I'd definitely have a "suck it and see" long holiday before making any decisions.
Can you afford to rent somewhere for several months to see if you actually like living by the sea or living on a boat (not just in the summer) Might help you make a decision before anything permanent?