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More to life? But what?

(134 Posts)
LadyBella Tue 08-Dec-20 22:08:23

Before I start I'd like to say I know how lucky I am - reasonable health early 70s, good DH, 2 AC and 1 lovely GC. We live in a lovely part of the world and have a nice home. But I have a restless nature. Can't decide how I'd like to spend my final years. I dream of moving to the seaside, or living on a canal boat, or buying a woodland ... etc etc. I just don't want to be a pensioner living in a bungalow and just plodding on which is what we're doing now (obviously hampered by Covid). I really am grateful for all I have but does anyone else feel like this? Sometimes I could scream with frustration. DH is willing to go along with any of my schemes. We're not rich but we're not poor either. I'm just seeking ideas and suggestions.

Esspee Wed 09-Dec-20 13:35:05

We are all so restricted at the moment OP all you can do is plan for the future.
Last winter my OH bought a boat. We had NOT discussed it. I went with him under false pretences and worst of all I’m afraid of deep water.
This year during lockdown it was a lifesaver. Each week we spent 2-3 days on board with no contact with anything but nature, safe from the virus, harming nobody.
I hope you find something to make the future bright. We travelled a lot but now feel less inclined to plan long journeys.
Life has changed but we can find things to look forward to.

Schumee Wed 09-Dec-20 13:19:50

My advice would be to do what you want to do. My late partner and I talked a lot about holidays, buying a Motorhome and visiting his relatives in Australia. We talked about it and somehow always ended up talking ourselves out of it for a variety of reasons. We did have some lovely Christmases in Germany. Sadly he died nearly two years ago and we never did what we wanted to do. I would still love to do some of the things we discussed but it is not so easy on your own.

Alioop Wed 09-Dec-20 13:15:48

I would love to travel, do exciting things, but sadly no one to go with. Divorced, all my friends are married and my closest one's husband has retired and she does everything with him now. The promises that were made that it wouldn't change our friendship was never kept. I know I haven't the nerve to travel alone, but I feel life is passing me by. I keep thinking when this is over I need a good kick up the bum and enjoy the life I've been given.

Littleannie Wed 09-Dec-20 13:15:38

There are a lot of smug comments on here suggesting buying a motor home or visiting exotic destinations. Not everybody is in the same fortunate position financially.

reelashosser Wed 09-Dec-20 13:01:15

After retirement we lived in a bungalow for 17 years and thoroughly enjoyed it - great being able to vacuum the whole house from one socket! However, when we moved nearer to our children 3 years ago, I realised I was glad to get away from all the older residents as I was constantly looking out for their wellbeing! And if an ambulance or police car went up the street, I just had to check things were ok. Now we're in a house and have no contact with our neighbours, and feel isolated.....

However, I'm with kittylester in advocating volunteering. I've been volunteering for more than 15 years : Books on Wheels (5 years); Foodbank (5 years) and currently, when Covid allows : with The Reader - running a reading group and also reading to a disadvantaged child. The enjoyment and satisfaction gained from volunteering with an organisation with whose aims you are in sympathy. You have colleagues again, make new friends and have a great sense of purpose. I really recommend it.

J52 Wed 09-Dec-20 13:00:29

40 years ago, my Grandmother took to travelling the world when she was in her 70s. Life had not been easy for her and she had no intention of wasting the rest of it!
Her spirit inspires me!

oodles Wed 09-Dec-20 12:43:02

It's not just the things already mentioned re a canal boat, they are not as cheap to run as people think, they need lots of maintenance, licenses, safety certs, insurance. If you are cruising you need to keep moving on, so difficult for doc and dentist, and it's hard to do without someone on land to act as your address there are always some letters, hospitals send letters, even if most things are online. It needs to be someone you are happy to open post and scan for you. Also not easy as you get older to get in and out of the boat and people say taxis but if you are out in the sticks they are dear. An accident changed my ideas of moving somewhere with little public transport, just to go to post offices pharmacies or shops
So not sure what I'll do as I retire but know I need a sensible base

Bijou Wed 09-Dec-20 11:54:44

I was 62 when my husband died. We had let the bungalow and been travelling round Europe with the caravan for ten years. After spending two years, wintering in Spain and summers in U.K. came back. I have never driven. After setting the bungalow to rights I went on several coach holidays home and abroad and flew out to America and Barbados visiting relatives until I was 85. Only gave up because of arthritis and I had spent all my savings.
Cannot understand people who think that retirement means stagnating.

jaylucy Wed 09-Dec-20 11:51:51

This year has stopped most of us from doing what we would normally be wanting to do and also given us a chance to re evaluate our lives.
It also makes us think of trying something that we may never have considered.
As far as moving to the seaside, or a canalboat is concerned, I'd definitely have a "suck it and see" long holiday before making any decisions.
Can you afford to rent somewhere for several months to see if you actually like living by the sea or living on a boat (not just in the summer) Might help you make a decision before anything permanent?

lovebeigecardigans1955 Wed 09-Dec-20 11:51:23

I think many of us we feel that there's one last adventure out there somewhere, no matter how trivial it may seem to others. I have a small tinge of dissatisfaction about my life, despite being in reasonably good health with a comfortable home.

I've been widowed for nearly ten years and have learned to be fairly independent though I'm not brave enough to travel alone. Paris one more time, or maybe Venice will most likely remain a fantasy.

As eazybee says - be careful what you wish for, as many things don't work out as you'd hoped. I try to count my blessings, such as they are. I lead a quiet life and most of the time that's ok.

Barrygirl Wed 09-Dec-20 11:50:31

I was in danger of sleepwalking into the later part of my life ... but I picked myself up (I live alone, children in other parts of UK/world) and moved to be closer to the sea at the age of 72! Best thing I ever, ever did. Yes, it was hard work but so worth it. Just do it! Lock down meant I haven't made many friends in my new location but am getting there. Absolutely no regrets - just wish I had done it 10 years ago!
I often holiday alone or with a small group of people. Life is for living ... not for hanging around.

Cambia Wed 09-Dec-20 11:49:45

We have a small Motorhome and love it. We mostly go to Scotland and either park in a pub car park and have a meal or park next to the sea and cook in. The freedom to explore is amazing. It just fits us two and is warmer than our house. Our plan is to explore all of the UK and Europe over the next few years while we are fit. Exploring the idea of driving to The Lofoten Islands and doing Norway Sweden etc.

Not too bothered about the big wide world as there is so much in Europe and the Uk to still explore.

Witzend Wed 09-Dec-20 11:47:25

I used to really want to move to our favourite little seaside town once we’d retired.

But that was before we had Gdcs - first didn’t arrive until I was 67 - so I’m glad we stayed put. It would have meant a much longer journey to go and see them (3 Gdcs now) and too far for the emergency one-off childcare I/we have done. I was so glad to be only an hour and a half away when baby Gds was rushed into hospital with severe bronchiolitis, so dd could be with him and I could look after no.1, still well under 2.
Ditto when no. 3 was on the way earlier this year. As well as other one-offs.

TBH I’m not sure I’d ever have been able to shift dh from where we are anyway. Despite many years of living and working abroad, he will always be a Londoner at heart.

And increasingly I’m grateful for a warm, comfortable, conveniently located home - with excellent public transport on top - that’s not too big for us. We did try to upsize a bit many years ago but it never did happen.

I’m getting better at counting my blessings lately!

dragonfly46 Wed 09-Dec-20 11:43:22

I try to take pleasure in the small things at the moment. A sunny day makes me smile. Seeing the frosty trees and hills makes me happy. Speaking to my DGC on FT is an uplift. Fortunately I don't have to be having adventures all the time. I love going away but also love being at home. At the moment wanting more is just frustrating.

Theoddbird Wed 09-Dec-20 11:42:12

Move to the seaside...x

Grandmadougal Wed 09-Dec-20 11:35:49

I feel the same, retirement is not what I imagined, I volunteer but that’s been curtailed due to Clovid. I’m sure people will think I’m very ungrateful for everything I have, I’m not but I want the next (hopefully) 25 years to be fulfilling.

Tempest Wed 09-Dec-20 11:10:34

I was forced to sell my large family home 10 years ago. But it forced me to make decisions I would never have made. I moved to a very busy and vibrant part of London. Very expensive for a very small house but theatres, restaurants, easy transport on the doorstep. Joined numerous courses and clubs locally. Joined Meet Up groups, walking, crafts etc. I have travelled many times on my own with single guided holiday companies. Just You, Explore, Solo Holidays. If you like to plan your own trip and need someone to share Thelma & Louise is a women only travel club.
www.thelmandlouise.com/en-gb/
So much to do (this year lots of DIY painting my house) just need good health and the end of this pandemic. LadyBella as your DH is up for any of your schemes I would dream big. Start with exploring the UK then take on the rest of the world.

Barmeyoldbat Wed 09-Dec-20 11:04:52

When Mr B hit 60 we packed our bags like two teenagers and set off to SE Asia backpacking for 4 months. We did this for 10 years and made so many friends and helped out with english classes in various remote places. Now we are looking at renting a place in Europe, Holland or Germany for the 3 months we will be allowed to stay and get to know the town we will be living in and join in some of the community activities.
We don't use a motorhome as we find it much easier to get to know local people and integrate a bit into their life. Maybe you could do something similar.

BusterTank Wed 09-Dec-20 10:59:08

I felt like this when I was younger . I thought there's got to be more to life than nursing . So my husband and I and our 2 daughter's moved to spain , it was the best thing we have done in our lives .

MollyM Wed 09-Dec-20 10:54:14

I am nearly 70 and in good health. Occasional aches and pains which I try to ignore. The last 10 years of my life have involved helping with GC but since March, when the first lockdown happened, my children said they would take over as they were working from home. I was bereft at first as I love my GC dearly as do they me. I think! I needed something to fulfil me So I set upon a long term programme of getting fit and taking long walks every day. I set myself a target of 10,000 steps but mostly exceed that. My aim is, next year, hopefully, to go to Santigio in Spain on the Pilgrims Camino walk. I don’t intend to do the whole 700 kilometres (!) but certainly part of it. I’ve been reading books and looking at travel agents details and as soon as the Camino path is open again Im off! I intend to travel alone as that apparently is the way you meet new friends. It’ll be a huge Tick off my list to achieve this. My OH is fully supportive and will probably enjoy the peace and quiet!

claresc0tt Wed 09-Dec-20 10:53:08

Life is what you make it. The world, however, is now a relatively more dangerous place than when I grew up in the 50s & 60s. We are very lucky to live in the UK and I wouldn't choose to live permanently anywhere else. When I was young, I always thought the grass was greener in other people's lives, but as I got older I realised my grass was green also! I do wish I'd had more adventures when I was younger and fitter, but was never able to do these things because of lack of funds. These days knowing my grass is as green as many others, I'm happy to dream still! I'm happy, comfy, warm, and have a wonderful family and friends surrounding me. I know I'm very lucky and therefore I'm content.

Spec1alk Wed 09-Dec-20 10:45:30

Do you have a dream? I had always wanted to go to Easter Island but my husband was not interested. A friend was interested so after retirement we planned a trip and explored Chile and Easter Island. It was wonderful! If you are able to do so, follow your heart and plan something wonderful!

OmaWal Wed 09-Dec-20 10:45:03

Totally agree LadyBella - in similar position but still working a bit and volunteering a lot. Really difficult year for everyone and we've missed travelling. Being grateful for what we do have...but with a secret thought of "is this it?"! sometimes

Laughterlines Wed 09-Dec-20 10:42:40

Tabitha. Join the travel group online called Thelma and Louise. You can make new friends in your age group and arrange holidays, theatre, cinema, coffee or lunch outings and generally open up your social life. There are plenty of people in your local area or worldwide to make friends with. (Other travel and friendship groups are available)

Applegran Wed 09-Dec-20 10:42:03

I think this is more about finding meaning in life and not so much about holidays or going out for meals or the theatre or similar - nice though those things are and they do make a difference. But we do seem to need meaning in our lives and that does seem to be to do with reaching beyond ourselves - so for instance, for those of us who had children, earlier in our lives raising children gave meaning, as we were putting so much love and care into our families. But for most of us on GN our children have grown up and no longer need us in the same way. So for me its worth asking yourself how you can reach out beyond the life you now have - this is likely to mean something like helping others, or learning something new, or deepening your understanding of who you are and your life (e.g. through meditation or yoga or psychology), or doing something new and creative, maybe with others. There are various books about our need for meaning - famously Victor Frankl's 'Man's Search for Meaning' and more recently here is a relevant TED talkhttps://www.ted.com/talks/emily_esfahani_smith_there_s_more_to_life_than_being_happy/footnotes?@TEDTalks