Miss, Ms or Mrs

What to you do or think?

I think that would be the last time I sent her a Christmas card, or communicated with her at all, in fact!

In my grandchildren's schools all the female teachers are called Miss when the register is being taken or someone is asking a question. It always makes me laugh.

We lack an easy way of addressing women. The French have Mademoiselle and Madame, the Americans use Ma'am. I like both of those.
On the US drama's Ive been watching during lockdown, women are usually addressed as Ms Individual. Never Miss, Mrs etc. We must be 40 years on from the time when Ms was suggested as a cover all title yet it still has the power to unsettle some people.

The French are actually trying to drop Mademoiselle now Iam64

Greenfinch I think almost all schools use the term ‘Miss’ for students to address female staff. It is considered to be the feminine form of ‘Sir’

Family now put just “ Gran”on anything posted to me , I put given name on post to friends , no titles , sometimes not even surnames
The post man just goes by the street number

Ms is a meaningless fabrication. At least Mrs and Miss are abbreviations. I'd use Ms - reluctantly - if someone specifically requested it or if I didn't know someone's actual title or their Christian name.

I got out of the problem by becoming Dr in later years and after a lot of hard work, a genuine gender-free title. But lots of people, including family, still put Mrs.

These days the first name, surname system is perhaps the best solution.

The days are long gone when my grandfather received mail addressed to William D.......... Esq, but this post has reminded me of my grandmother’s distress, when, after he died she received her first letter addressed to Mrs Anne D............ as opposed to Mrs William D........... She said it really rubbed in the fact that she was a widow.

Times have changed, and it is a shame that there isn’t a definitive way of addressing ladies, men have it so easy! Similarly, there is the subject of surnames, some divorced ladies revert to their maiden names. Others, particularly those with children keep that of their ex husband. It is a matter of personal choice, but in this instance not as emotive as the minefield of Miss, Ms and Mrs.

Septimia ?

I have read that "Ms" is a shortened form of "Mistress" which is the source of the Miss and Mrs as well.

There are 2 Dr Alegriases in our house. I can live with "Mr and Mrs", "Dr and Mrs" drives me mad!!

.....What Billybob said.

Easy enough for friends and family as we usually know their status or preference but for a business letter very difficult.
Business women often sign as Tracey Smith, I don’t want to reply to Dear Tracey as that is too familiar so have to resort to Ms. Even more difficult is the business letter signed T Smith. Dear T Smith doesn’t seen right but with no clue to gender what is the alternative?
Personally not keen on Ms, sounds like an abbreviation for miserable.
Why can’t we all be M? Dear M Smith covers all bases.

If she’s that particular about her title she should have written to everyone after her separation/divorce saying that from now on she wishes to be known as “Miss Grumpyboots” or whatever.

When I was young the Mrs John Smith formula was considered correct, but I never liked it. Like others here, I now always use just the first name and surname.

Quite a few of my friends and family are academics, so Dr and Professor are titles that could be used. My brother is both, but I always address cards to him plain David [surname]. I have no idea if he would prefer me to use his academic titles.

Even when I got married in 1968, I thought it was silly that I was expected to change my surname to my husband’s, but I went along with the convention. I regret that now, and admire my daughter-in-law for having kept her own name.

I used to have to update a list of 150 people for an annual prospectus. I’d make sure everyone checked it before publication as the same three women would claim every year that they’d been given the wrong title, even though it was the one they’d approved the year before. One divorced woman alternated Ms (I’ve got rid of him, why would I want to be reminded of being married?) with Mrs (I’ve ruddy well earned that title!). So glad I don’t have to tread that minefield now.

I’d definitely have gone with Brigadier, Maw. Unless Emperor was available, of course.

I agree with Billy Bob, in fact I laughed out loud that she was so upset by it, she certainly wouldn’t be on my Christmas card list again, I must admit I alway put title Mrs if married, Miss if not, never ever used the Ms

Just to add I loathe the use of Miss without a surname. It wouldn’t be acceptable to address a male teacher as just Mr. It seems very bad manners to me, and would never have been allowed in my school. Nor, for that matter, is it allowed at my grandchildren’s (private) schools, though it was used in my sons’ state schools. It’s lazy. What is so difficult about using Miss with the surname?

Just initial and family name. IF somebody insists, I use Ms. Males are not publicly defined by title indicating whether or not they have been legally married. I don't want to be so defined either. I am in fact, once and still married (not widowed) - but that is not 'who' I am.

Ditto, Alegrias, two Drs in our house, too. Since we gained them just in time to retire, it's not really surprising that friends and family forget.

I’m twice divorced. I never use Ms. I use Miss. I prefer it if a title has to be used. Will try and encourage my daughter to use Ms. It was devised years ago for when companies were sending direct mail to women when they were unsure of their marital status.

I also like Miss. When people query it, I tell them sternly I'm a spinster of the parish. I'm actually divorced, but like feeling like a dried up, Jane Austin style, has been.

That's really interesting grandma70s, they would use sir for male teachers, I hadnt thought about that difference before.

I wonder at what age we (or many, anyway), become so intolerant of changes in everyday language.

Personally, I don't really mind how I am addressed, yet when pressed to select a title, I am often tempted to opt for Ms, simply because it runs through my mind that my marital status is none of their business.
That's dispite the fact that I thought Ms very odd when it first started being used.
But I also found the word 'partner' odd too back in the eighties, and couldn't imagine myself ever saying it. Nowadays, I say it frequently, and would struggle to know what to use on many occasions if this word didn't exist.

OP, I think your neighbour was very rude, and however she personally feels about the title you used, I think the way in which she told you was both unnecessary and unacceptable.

Oops - spotted my spelling mistake above now it's too late to change it!

Grandma70s Thu 10-Dec-20 13:44:59
Just to add I loathe the use of Miss without a surname. It wouldn’t be acceptable to address a male teacher as just Mr. It seems very bad manners to me, and would never have been allowed in my school. Nor, for that matter, is it allowed at my grandchildren’s (private) schools, though it was used in my sons’ state schools. It’s lazy. What is so difficult about using Miss with the surname?

Using 'Miss' is not lazy at all, in my view.

It's all well and good adding a woman's surname in a setting where all the teachers are known to the children, such as in a small school, but in a large school this wouldn't possibly work.
'Miss' was taught/used as the polite way of getting the attention of a female member of staff whose name wasn't known. Much polite than the alternative , "Hey, you!"

Miss is for unmarried women
Mrs ( husbands initial) married
Mrs ( own initial) widowed
Ms divorced , feminist or just plain prefer that.

That is what I was taught. Nowadays I think you can choose.