Miss, Ms or Mrs

When a friend separated from her DH she informed everyone she knew that she was reverting to her maiden name so everyone knew how to address her.

The person you sent the card to could have done the same so it's down to her to tell other people about titles she doesn't like. Lucyloo12, you are not "at fault" here but normally I would just stick to the full name or an initial and surname.

A bit of elitism going on here.

Grandma70s

Just to add I loathe the use of Miss without a surname. It wouldn’t be acceptable to address a male teacher as just Mr. It seems very bad manners to me, and would never have been allowed in my school. Nor, for that matter, is it allowed at my grandchildren’s (private) schools, though it was used in my sons’ state schools. It’s lazy. What is so difficult about using Miss with the surname?

In my sons school all the female teachers were addressed as Ma'am and the male teachers as Sir.

That would be the last card she would receive from me, the silly petulant woman

After we went in to register for a new joint bank account, around the beginning of the millennium, I was impressed that the first communication from them was addressed to Mrs & Mr (I being the one who had completed most of the application forms - DH as usual just signed where indicated ). Now, I'm comfortable with my status in life (both equal) but it was nice to be officially recognised for once. However, I was most miffed when the next letter had swopped the titles around to the 'old fashioned' mode. Not a problem, just irritating.

I like to think that it means Mistress of all I survey


Actually, I know a few elderly Eastern European men (I daren't call them gentlemen on GN although they are) and they won't use my first name although I've asked them to.
They always call me Missus.

Which makes your identity dependent on a man. Unlike men who are referred to as Mr whether they are in a relationship or not.

Always such a minefield and people do get so touchy about it. But Ms originated back in the 17th century for all women (before being hijacked by womens libbers) so seems perfect when you don't know. I don't larticularly like being called it if someone is speaking (it sounds so ridiculous) , but would never call someone out if they did use it

Yiur friend was rude, though. If she's only separated and is legally still married, then hiw would a person know that she wants to be called Miss? There are polite ways she coukd have told you!!

LovelyLady

I write this and feel sad. We have a rich formal tradition that the world tried to emulate. So we try to dilute our heritage.
When I was young my Father received letters addressed to Esq., also stating Dear Sir or even to my Mother, Dear Madam was used. We have lost that formality. We have lost much dignity and formality over the years and as a grandmother it’s my duty to retain a higher standard. If I receive a letter addressed with only my Christian name and surname, I instantly think they have been poorly educated. (sorry)

You are entitled of course to your preferences but if you made that assumption in my case you’d be wrong ! If I’m writing to a friend I see no need for formality.

I'm in my 50s, divorced and when I have to fill forms in,etc, I go by Ms. I only get peeved a bit when I'm called Mrs as that's part of my life that I'd love to forget being the bullying creeps Mrs lol. Think she should have more to worry about at the minute.

Cross her off your Christmas card list, as she is taking her spleen out on you. You can do without friends like that.

You`re a Miss if you never married, a Mrs if you are married or widowed and a Ms if divorced.

Sounds like she's in a very hurt and bitter place and lashed out - the use of a title can be a loaded issue for some people. Try to rise above it and give her the benefit of the doubt, I'd say (but only once!) But I do wish that the use of the title Ms had never come about. After all, boys use Master until they're 16 or so, and then become Mr. It's nothing to do with marriage! Why we didn't adopt something similar for girls I dont' know - Miss until 16 or 18, and then automatically Mrs. Would have solved this whole problem.

I use initial and surname, not just for others but for me too. My Sis-in-Law was quite bitter and changed her name and title ASAP, but she now prefers just her initial as she says it makes her nervous being a miss and probably alone in the house since she’s getting old.

LovelyLady, I totally agree with you, my sentiments exactly.

She's lucky you were kind enough to send her a Christmas card.

When I divorced my husband, my cousin decided to address my birthday card to Ms followed by my first name and then my maiden name for some reason!!

I didn't care about the "Ms" but was rattled that she had decided out of the blue to address me by a surname I had not held for 40 years. I didn't mention it though.

When you get married you are still Mary Smith, your the name and surname given at birth, you are know as Mrs M Jones for practical purposes, same if you are widowed. When you divorce you are Mary Smith (Ms) again.

I'd just reply... You're welcome

In Britain we tend to not call/refer to a lady by her HUSBANDS christian name- only her OWN christian name and husbands surname i.e.Mrs Jane Smith etc- wether divorced or widowed or still married.Referral in hubbys christian& surname is more of an american thing i believe? Or perhaps occasionally the old school upper classes? But not Ms- which i thought was more for feminist young ladies? Either way- shes rude- next year i would not send her a card?

I write this and feel sad. We have a rich formal tradition that the world tried to emulate. So we try to dilute our heritage.
When I was young my Father received letters addressed to Esq., also stating Dear Sir or even to my Mother, Dear Madam was used. We have lost that formality. We have lost much dignity and formality over the years and as a grandmother it’s my duty to retain a higher standard. If I receive a letter addressed with only my Christian name and surname, I instantly think they have been poorly educated. (sorry)

I think she was just rude. There are more things to worry about at the moment than a title on a card.

It's fine for her to tell you her preferred title, but if she did so in the form of a "curt telling off" then she deserves whatever title you want to give her. I'd use Madam for someone that bossy lol

BillyBob- ???

Stella14
Mrs is short for Mistress and has nothing to do with belong to a man (Mr's).