Daughter won’t speak

EllanVannin and Callistemon
Op said at the end of their post that 'luckily there are no children involved'.

As I said yesterday morning, op certainly did a good job of stirring up things here, never to return, inspite of a wealth of advice.

For reasons unknown it's always the children who suffer and it's totally unfair and also unacceptable when there are warring parents/ adults.

And the OP has not returned.

Can you let us know what you decided to do, Torbaygran.
Your username indicates that you are a grandmother. Does your DD have children? Is the family so short of money that the children are suffering?

Whatever your views on Covid, I hope any children are not suffering.

Biba70 this thread was started by a mother who asked for advice about a disagreement with her daughter. The disagreement appears to have focussed on covid but the information provided indicates relationship difficulties under pin that.
It is not about Brexit (so far as anyone can tell). Your patronising and passive aggressive comments to MawBe reflect other comments directed at those who disagree with you. Talk about over dramatising stuff. You accuse MawBe of 'not understanding issues of family disagreement' . My impression of your understanding of family disagreement is that its overly dramatised.

Once again a poster starts a thread asking for advice and once again the thread is taken over by posters with their own agenda.

As others have said, why does Brexit have to be brought into everything? It's becoming very tedious and also puts people like me off posting.
It's just becomes a waste of time.

and this is where you show that you just do not 'understand' the issues - we are not talking here about 'political differences' - but about what lie behind them (and yes, often, racism or nationalism)
Come off it.
So believe you understand better than anybody else?
Just because I am not obsessing about a decision which has been reached and is final, does not mean I don’t understand.
Don’t preach about life limiting to me. I too have AC who are and will be affected by Brexit.The fact that we do not disagree certainly helps, but if that were not the case I believe our family bonds are a lot stronger than you give people credit for.
Another massive over reaction to an issue which is not in fact relevant to OP .
Could we please not bring Brexit into everything ? Or alternatively start another (yet another) thread about it which we may choose to avoid.

Every day’s a school day!

Me neither
Live and learn

biba
This thread has nothing to do with Brexit, racism, political idealogies, nationalism.
it is, however to do with future chances and massively life-changing ie COVID

That’s really interesting Amber. I didn’t realise that. Every day’s a school day!

Technically, blood is thicker than water means the exact opposite - the full phrase is “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”. So community/ideology/chosen family > blood ties.

MawBe ''To say that one dreads seeing older parents because they cannot bear to spend time with them on account of political differences is a dreadful indictment of family bonds''

and this is where you show that you just do not 'understand' the issues - we are not talking here about 'political differences' - but about what lie behind them (and yes, often, racism or nationalism) - and the fact that for many, the consequences will be, are in fact- limiting future chances and massively life-changing. It goes way way beyond 'politics'.

If you have discussed the issues and the consequences during the campaign, explained the consequences for the country and for family members in particular- and people still vote for those to come about- then how can there be total misundersanding, and resentment. Just because you don't want to see it- doesn't mean it is not real.

MawBe

Meant to add - does voting in a different way to your AC constitute abuse?

Ha ha ha - surely not!

None of us would speak to each other ever again!

Hithere

"Meant to add - does voting in a different way to your AC constitute abuse?"

My comment was about abuse in general

No, different voting preferences is not abuse.
I have friends who vote Republican and no big deal

I’m sure that is true, but you took my comment and applied it entirely out of context.

So hardly relevant, was it?

Any relationship that falls apart because of a disagreement about Brexit didn't have much going for it in the first place. My family and friendship group is without exception, Remain in its thinking. One son in law decided that discussing B*t with his dad was probably best avoided because they disagreed so strongly. The sil entirely remain, his dad entirely leave. They agreed to disagree about that but love and like each other enough to be able to disagree on this one (key) issue.

The OP hasn't returned. I do hope the variety of approaches to her difficulty demonstrated by posters has been helpful.

"Meant to add - does voting in a different way to your AC constitute abuse?"

My comment was about abuse in general

No, different voting preferences is not abuse.
I have friends who vote Republican and no big deal

Can you not agree to disagree without falling out over it!. You should of course continue with your generous contribution to your daughter who needs it. To stop now would just make things so much worse for her. People who are depressed say things that they really don’t mean so you have to make allowances for her.

Christmas is the time for giving, not taking away.

Meant to add - does voting in a different way to your AC constitute abuse?

I agree that "a gift without strings might show some generosity of spirit" that said, showing ones gratitude with a simple 'thank you' from time to time for financial assistance that is given regularly, can also show some generosity off spirit.

Re your post @ 18.00 MawB I agree. It says a lot more about the adult children than it does about their parents and TBH if they were my AC I'd prefer not to see them.

What “abuse” are we aware of Hithere ?

Mawbe
"What happened to “blood is thicker than water?"

It is no longer used as a blanket excuse to forgive whatever a relative does to you, including abuse

A gift without strings might show some generosity of spirit.

I agree.
The issue of money, food should be separated from what one person or another believes about the pandemic.

Allowing your child to suffer because she does not think the same way is a form of emotional blackmail.

Callistemon

Withdrawing cash and help with groceries just before Christmas is not the way to deal with whatever issues they have regarding conspiracy theories.

Maybe not but someone has to make the first gesture and it would be a start if OP understood where her DD is coming from.
A gift without strings might show some generosity of spirit.

Sometimes it takes another person to be in the same situation that you are to understand how they feel.
Your D probably feels a certain amount of shame having to accept money all the time because of the situation, now made worse because she too has lost her job.

Let the dust settle before contacting her again as she's bound to at some point. People have a lot on their plates right now. D possibly feels as though she's under an obligation too especially if you keep reminding her about how much you've transferred into her bank. I'd lie low if I were you.

Given the minimal info OP had provided in her post, whether or not she reaches out over Christmas won’t be the cause for estrangement IMO.
Reaching out without actually acknowledging the reason for any breakdown in communication is like putting a plaster on a gunshot wound and hoping for the best!
The bigger issues in situations like this are what can cause estrangement and to carry on regardless with zero self reflection or awareness won’t mend fences in the long run.

I mentionned it because I am on several groups to younger expats and also from the UK- where several people have mentionned that they just dread talking to, or seeing their parents- ever since the Brexit vote which has had such a negative effect on their lives and future

Many saying they are so glad their parents cannot travel because of Covid, because they could not bear to spend time with them. I know many of you do not believe this, or won't believe it - but I can assure you many feel that way

Be that as it may and I find it a very sad reflection on relationships, but perhaps those expat sites are the place for such debate. To say that one dreads seeing older parents because they cannot bear to spend time with them on account of political differences is a dreadful indictment of family bonds. It says more about the adult children than their elderly parents.
What happened to “blood is thicker than water” ?
I am shocked.