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(20 Posts)
Anitram63 Fri 08-Jan-21 09:33:57

My beautiful DD has just miscarried at six weeks.
I really want to get/do something both to comfort her and remember her baby.
Would welcome any suggestions.
Thanks so much.

BigBertha1 Fri 08-Jan-21 10:04:21

I am so sorry for your daughter and for you and its so difficult at the moment if you cant see each other. How about sending her something to lovely to wrap herself in like a cashmere/soft woollen pashmina saying its the hug you wish you could give her yourself?

Anitram63 Fri 08-Jan-21 10:10:09

That’s a beautiful idea!! Thank you so much!

kittylester Fri 08-Jan-21 10:12:13

Don't forget her partner - it's easy to do.

annsixty Fri 08-Jan-21 10:17:25

Sorry here but who needs to remember the baby, you or her.
I assure you she will never forget it, even though it was very early in the pregnancy.
Will she want to be reminded every time she sees the gift?
I do know from my own D how she is feeling and I send my very best wishes to her and her partner, it is traumatic for them.

Anitram63 Fri 08-Jan-21 11:04:30

Thank you for your replies especially to those who get where I’m coming from.

BigBertha1 Fri 08-Jan-21 11:11:48

Wise words from Kitty.

FannyCornforth Fri 08-Jan-21 11:12:29

Anitram thanks
I agree that Bertha's idea is a lovely one. (I understand where you're coming from.)

B9exchange Fri 08-Jan-21 11:16:32

Or perhaps a rose or shrub for the garden, if she has one?

Jusu48 Fri 08-Jan-21 11:20:45

A plant for the garden is a great idea. When this happened to my daughter I sent a flower arrangement in a mini hatbox which has become a keepsake box. She still mentions this gift 14 years down the line.

Peasblossom Fri 08-Jan-21 11:28:17

I think I might send a really lovely smelling candle. It’s comforting, it’s a form of remembrance but it doesn’t have to be kept or thrown away which can both be distressing. It has a natural life.

Not everyone is comforted by continual remembrance of loss. Just be sure that you and your daughter are of the same mind.

B9exchange Fri 08-Jan-21 11:33:48

Just the fact that you are acknowledging your daughter and SiL's loss will mean a lot. I lost one at six weeks, have never forgotten, but none of the family knew as it was too early to tell them, and didn't seem to affect DH as I became pregnant again so quickly. But your DD will never forget what might have been, or wonder what they would have looked like now.

NotSpaghetti Fri 08-Jan-21 11:37:42

I gave a friend a shrub for her garden. It was a much later loss and her little girl was expecting a baby brother or sister. They chose a shrub that attracted butterflies as a remembrance of the fleeting life that was lost.

Sunlover Fri 08-Jan-21 11:38:02

Anitram63. I know exactly how you feel. During the first lockdown my DD suffered an ectopic pregnancy then another miscarriage 4 months later. So so difficult when you can’t be there to hug them.
Just be there for her if she needs to talk.
Bless her.

DanniRae Fri 08-Jan-21 12:07:02

My daughter only told me that she had lost a baby when she became pregnant again. I was so upset that I hadn't been there for her but as someone said to me later "She was saving you from the pain."
Knowing my daughter I feel this was true........but I could cry just thinking about her and her partner going through it without any support sad

ginny Fri 08-Jan-21 13:31:26

So sorry to hear this. Having been through this with DD3 and SIL 3 times I know you just want to make thing right for them but feel helpless.
They planted a shrub in the garden and we sent flowers and a pretty candle. Most important is to allow them to talk if they want to.

Sarnia Fri 08-Jan-21 14:15:44

There are some lovely Memory boxes available for keeping cards or small keepsakes in. The SANDS (Stillbirth & Neo-Natal Death Society) website is a brilliant source of comfort to bereaved parents. They are a nationwide support service run by ladies who have, sadly, experienced such an event. Let your DD and SIL know they have love and support and let them take it at their own pace. My sympathies to you as well as this baby would have been your grandchild. Take care of each other.

Hithere Fri 08-Jan-21 14:49:12

So sorry for your loss

Miscarriages are so hard and everybody deals with them differently

I would how your dd is handling it and take it from there.

TwiceAsNice Fri 08-Jan-21 14:56:10

There is also the Miscarriage Society if you feel that might be helpful for her

Anitram63 Sat 09-Jan-21 12:59:11

Thank you all. ♡