Feeling a Bit Lost and alone in the world

This new thread is just a picure in time, there is some background that may explain why there is trouble in paradise now.

I’m very sorry and I know that you are still grieving and with Lockdown things are so much more difficult.
Do you usually work from home? If not, could you start going back into work? Maybe mixing with co workers will help.
I know it’s very early days but if you are young enough maybe you could look for work, even part time outside of the home? , I think that you can’t sit and wait for your children to keep you occupied and you need to speak to other people, having said that there are plenty of people on GN to keep you company.
I hope you start to feel more yourself very soon.

So sorry for your loss.

Like a pp mentioned, how about your other child?

Are all the gc from this one son you concentrate on in the OP?

I also think something new may have happened that your son does not want to go there with his kids.

Could you please describe what was said by your dil 6 months ago? That could be the key

Anyway, I would stop asking them to visit and explain yourself. He does not want to so that so anymore talk about that is going to irritate him more.

Could you concentrate on other items to fill your life?

It's still early days Msida and there are bound to be moments of despair. My neighbour said, "One day it will hit you," and she wasn't joking. I sat at my kitchen table and wept quite a few months after I lost my husband. I can only advise that you have a little wobble, then pick yourself up. Hang on in there. This wretched virus is making everything feel worse.

Thats the great thing about Gransnet Msida
You should never feel alone as we are here to help/advice each other when and if possable.
It`s sad how your son treated you,but he too has lost his df and may find it difficult to be in the house,it`s just a thought.

Msida so sorry you are having a difficult time. I do wonder how are your social media skills. I am in a few Zoom groups from personal interests and have a couple of Whats App groups on my phone where we do video calls to catch up. It's a very hard time to rebuild your life but if you have friends you call or text perhaps you could set up a group with them. It's never the same as face to face but it is better than just sitting alone. My GD has also What's Apped me (she's 8)and has better skills and knowledge than me (she's just taught me what a Giff is!). Are your GCs old enough to begin using a phone themselves?

Very sad for you, but there are folk around.
In these troubled times, try to keep in contact with family and friends by Phone, E mail or letter.
You can still meet people if you walk along the road, a few feet apart.
And, Take Heart! hopefully in a few days things will start to relax so that we can meet more.
OH keeps an eye on two old ladies in their 90s. We have developed a good relationship with two sets of neighbours, following one of them losing their son at the same age that we lost ours years ago.
Remember, as Captain Tom said, "Tomorrow will be a good day"

UrmstongranThank you and you are of course right we none of us know what's round there, we just have to roll with the punches and distract from the bad

Thanks again for your post it was nice to receive a compliment very nice for sure x

You have a sensible head on you Msida and I hope coming on here has helped find a more comfortable perspective. Breathe. Drop those shoulders now.

We never know what’s round the corner. Good things might just be peeping at you, only you can’t quite see them ... yet.

Best wishes for a happy outcome this springtime.
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Grandmajetreally good thoughts and ideas, thank you

Just going to think about everything that everyone has said and use the advice.

I emailed my son and just said, I called you yesterday but you didn't reply is everything ok

He replied, oh yes I went asleep early because I am home tutoring and I was tired.. I called him just before 9pm..but he isn't home schooling I know that because my other DIL is doing home schooling the children this week they are in the a bubble and they take it in turns.

But it's fine guess what even though that happened I'm still alive.

I can't control his behaviour I can only control mine

It really is true that stuff happens to us all and it's how we deal with it that makes us all different

Thank you CrazyH like I said earlier been a while sin e someone said something nice about me thank you

And you are right and I'm working on it

Bluebellyou are right and do agree with you

I do feel I can reach out now on gransnet, it has helped me to feel less alone but its so so hard to go from having your husband in the house in your life and grandchildren to being totally alone.

We put soo much work into our children then they grow and go

It just feels hard to get my head around that

When we were young my sister and I had a conversation, she told me.. you know your children are one day going to grow up and leave you, she said you should concentrate more on your husband Turns out she was right! ?

gran32 thank you for your post

I am actually trying so very hard to go forward because as you say for the sake of the grandchildren

I will get there I just have to work it all out

I have had some good advice on gransnet, which I am so grateful for

polnan You have helped, just grateful you took the time to answer

People tell me time is a great healer, heard that soo many times

Thank you again and, I hope you find Peace and acceptance x

Really feel for you Msida. Whatever did your DIL say to upset you so much? Is she usually so cruel or do you think maybe you took her comment the wrong way because you are feeling more sensitive and emotional under these circumstances?

Your post moved me so much, I can’t imagine how awful this situation is for you.
You say you’ve tried to call your son but he won’t pick up. Is there another way you can communicate with him, maybe text or email, or by letter, so you can tell him how much you miss seeing him and his children- try not to mention his wife in this. Maybe you could take the children out for a walk or to a local park rather than see them in their home. I’m not sure how practical this is as I can’t see how old they are.
I hope you see your other child/grandchildren and can get some comfort from them in this awful situation.
I’m so sorry I can’t be more help, but really wish you well.

Msida, you are one of the few people , who post on here and return to update and thank every one who has replied to your post. What a lovely person you are. Daughters in law are a difficult lot. We’ve all got them in one form or another. But we’ve got to grin and bear it for the sake of our grandchildren xx

I m sorry to hear about your loss last year and also that you felt hurt by your daughter in law We don’t know what she did or said (and we don’t need to on here) but could you have taken something she said the wrong way because of your grief I m only looking for explanations as people are usually kind to recently bereaved family members unless you had previous problems with her.
I can only suggest what I would do and that’s to go round for a ‘short’ visit perhaps with a cake or something in your hands
I d be bright and breezy as if nothing had ever happened in the past (you will need an equity card?) and keep it short and sweet and perhaps build on it (not overdoing it of course just now and then)
It’s obvious you are still in grief and feel low and alone
It will need a lot of courage and a lot of acting but if it keeps you in touch with the grandkids it ll be worth it

That's so sad. I don't really know what to say except maybe for the sake of seeing your grandchildren, you need to accept that your DIL isn't supportive and go to see them

Msida.. just hugs from me, but my dh died Nov 2019, I am into my 2nd year of living alone for the first time in my life.
I thought that when I got into the 2nd year it would get easier..

but it hasn`t

we are ALL different... and grieve differently.

I am still working on this thought, it does and has so helped me to hear how over bereaved people feel etc.

now these lockups! well I think they are the biggest cause of problems, for everyone, whether or not bereaved,, but then aren`t we, most of us, bereaved with these lockups?
with the way our lives have changed?

well that is my thoughts on this... of course, you may not agree, but I have found that my best of friends,, well my feelings are all over the place,,, I see problems coming from them, which I am learning are coming from me... and we are told to be positive... keep smiling.... yet I have found it such a help to hear how other people are coping,,

bereavement AND the lockups! life generally is not easy...
so sending love and hugs and prayers Msida,,, doubt I have been much help, but just saying how it is for me,,
hope you feel better soon

Wat about your other child? Where is he/she and can they support you?

Thank you Eloethan appreciate that

I am trying to build up courage and overcome my 'uncomfortable' feeling being around my DIL

I got lists of good advice and putting that into practice

Hi I took advice and called my son

But he did not pick up, I waited for him to call back all evening and all of this morning but he has not, so good thing I hadn't fallen down the stairs and couldn't get up or worse ?

The reason I am posting is that I do want to speak to him about this But don't want to be dramatic or needy and not sure what to say.

I want him to know that not picking up and not calling back has upset me but at the same time do not want it to be a negative thing or have a negative outcome

Please help if your better at words and expressing yourself than me

Thank you so much

Msida I'm sorry to hear of the death of your husband last August. It must have been a horrible time for you and you will no doubt still be feeling very emotionally raw. I'm also sorry to hear that you are feeling so alone and unhappy at the moment.

I wondered if it is something new that you are not seeing much of your children and grandchildren. You did mention there was some tension with your daughter in law so perhaps that is part of the problem.

At the moment, I think many people are feeling quite lost and alone because life is so strange. Even people with partners are feeling the strain (and it is quite possible to feel lonely even when there is someone else in the house).

I don't know your family's situation but it could be that work pressures are why they have suggested you visit them. Some people are having to work from home, as well as trying to look after their children and supervise their learning. Some people have to travel to work and are anxious about coming into contact with people. There may also be other pressures relating to Covid, such as decreased finances or anxieties about children's welfare, etc. This can make people feel tired and depressed. It has also been widely reported that there is growing tension in many families, with children becoming more prone to challenging behaviour and angry outbursts. Any of these issues can make it more difficult to focus on friends and relatives outside the home.

You haven't been prevented from going to see them so if you can overcome the discomfort you feel about your daughter in law, perhaps you could make a short visit to the family, just to keep contact going, and hope that things improve gradually.

I hope that some of the posts here have helped a bit and that soon things won't feel so bleak for you. I wish you all the best.

Dear AlexaI hope you do get to see your grandchildren , when we are young we sometimes forget important things like going to visit your Nan

Thank you fir saying nice stuff about me, been a while since someone said something nice I appreciate that x

I am going to ignore all obstacles and go and visit my grandchildren, posts on here have given me courage.

It's hard having to reach out sometimes because women of our age suffer from TMP Too much Pride but the love of a grandchild is really precious and who doesn't need a Grandmother, you are an important person.

Hopefully you might re think things

Thank you Alexa, your kind words really helped me