Feeling a Bit Lost and alone in the world

dawntreader1 Thank you appreciate that

jaffacake2 Thank you for your post, thank you for taking the time.

So basically what the vicar was saying is, yes they are there but you are able to blank them from your mind for the reason of them then not being able to hurt you, a kind of shielding if you will! Simple but Genious really. It was so interesting to read and I can not begin to tell you how much that thought is going to help me Thank you so very much. I now feel that I am not going to battle un armed

I'm so sorry that your brother and his wife were Horrid, what bad timing they have, much the same happened to me with my DIL were by the worse thing was her timing.

Your post made me realise that it's not just my family that can be horrible

Thank you for your kindness it is so appreciated x

Thank you CrazyH you are right in all that you say

You are so lucky to have a kind grandson, my 12 year old grandson is also so caring and loving as are all my GC

Thank you for taking the time to post and help I appreciate it very much

Msida, you did well to write to Gransnet forums about your sad feelings. I hope is has helped. You wrote very well so that other grans can understand and sympathise with how you feel.

Families are not all the same. My own grandchildren could not care less about coming to see me and never get in touch. I do not plan to see them for the rest of my life. I am accustomed to this .

22:35Urmstongran Your words were so comforting and made sense

It was very helpful what you say Have courage while you wait for change, you are right thank you so much for your comments and post and taking the time to post thank you

SueDonim please believe me when I tell you I have been trying for 6 months to forgive and let go just because of the grandchildren I can't visit them at the moment because I find it hard to not feel uncomfortable around my DIL and I'm worried that my GC will pick up on bad feeling and I really don't want that.

Yes Sue D they both know the situation

Thank you NellG I did see the Estrangement Forum I will check out thank you.

I really appreciate your help and kind words ? I do actually feel less alone now really do x x

I feel very move by your post. Keep reaching out (Here is a good start.) All will be well

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. You are early in bereavement and grief can make you feel so alone and vulnerable. My only advice for you would be to be kind to yourself and try to seek out what may make you happier. If that is being in the company of your young grandchildren then go and see them. Try to mentally guard yourself against any animosity from your son and daughter in law. Think on them as being a small part of your visit,the main reason is to see your grandchildren.
Shortly after my mum died I had to mentally distance myself from my brother and his wife. They had been awful through the death and afterwards. I spoke to my vicar who advised me to mentally place them all in the top of a multi story carpark. He said you know that they are parked there but you can choose if you ever want to see them. It was such a strange idea but did work. It's a case of a change of mindset so that they cannot hurt you.
Hope you get to see the children soon and that they bring you some joy and peace at this difficult time.

You are not alone Msida. I think you are still grieving for your husband.
I am alone due to divorce. This is a horrible time for those of us living on our own. I have 3 children and am in a bubble with my oldest. I’ve hardly seen her because she works from home and after she is busy cooking for the family etc. She has asked me to go and stay there but I like my own space and my own bed. However, my sweet 18 year old grandson (daughter’s son) is home from Uni and he pops in for a couple of hours - we chat, watch TV etc. It will get better, don’t worry.....look after yourself.
TBH, if the grandchildren are very young, it’s easier all round if you go to their house.
Take care and don’t feel sad....we’re all in it together

Ouch, that must have hurt with your DIL, Msida.

Is there a possibility of resetting things with her? Is she/your son aware of the hurt you felt? For the sake of the GC, I think it’s worth trying to mend bridges.

Dear lady you are recently bereaved. I feel so very sorry for your loss. Which is all the more acute in these trying times I expect. Coupled with working from home I guess you are locked in with your thoughts in your smaller-down world.

Sadly I have no words of wisdom to offer but I did not want to read and retreat.

You are going through an unbearably tough time right now, trying to navigate your way through not only the loss of your dear husband but also the loss of family visits.

You feel used it would appear. And very hurt. Time, they say, is a great healer. Please try to find some strength within yourself to bear these slings and arrows. For now at least. Try not to dwell - although that must be very hard.

In a few weeks spring will arrive. The sun will shine and hopefully your feelings will be less raw.

I wish you a more settled mind whilst you wait for change. Have courage. x

Msida - If you need some support and sharing vis a vis difficult daughters in law, come over to the Estrangement forum and say hi on the Support thread - many of us there know exactly how hard these relationships can be and you'll find a wealth of support and kindness there.

Once people get to know your likes and dislikes, interests etc we'll be able to help point you in the direction of fresh starts after lockdown - better than listing a whole lot of things that might not suit.

There are lots of lovely, kind people on here. Things will get better and you're not alone. People are listening x

Hi NellG thank you for your post really appreciate it

Yes I could go visit them but finding that difficult because my daughter in law was a little unkind to me soon after my husband died and I have been trying all this time to forgive her I want to but its so hard to forgive someone that kicked when you were down

You said "I'd love to give you tips on meeting people in real life, I woukd really appreciate that and will be able to use it when we are free of lockdown

Thank you for all the tips of forums I actually will check them out, it will be the love and support that will help me out if this hole I'm sure of it

Thank you so much for taking the time out to comment x x

Hi *SueDonim

Did your son bring the children over to see you prior to your husband’s death? Yes he did regularly and that was because he still needed us then to help him buy a property, we have bought the property for him now

Is this request that you go to them something new? Yes they always came to us

Is there any reason you can’t go to your son’s to visit? Well his wife was pretty awful to me just a few days after my husband died and I have found it difficult being in her presence unfortunately

Thank you **Ailsa43 and Mogsmaw Really appreciate your kind words

Adult children can be so insensitive sometimes, we all know that have busy lives but it would be nice to get a thought and a visit sometimes. Is there any way you could arrange to go and visit them?

That feeling of being alone is always difficult, but so much worse at the moment when it's not possible to get out and about and meet new people. I know there are some threads on here that are welcoming and chatty if you just feel like being part of something. Soops kitchen, the good morning thread, the Lockdown lobsters - they all seem like nice 'places' to post and introduce yourself. I'd love to give you tips on meeting people in real life, but at the moment that's hard to do.

If you are feeling down and need a kind word from people who know how it feels then there is the Black Dog thread, all of them can be found by browsing through the different forums or keeping an eye on the 'Trending' tab.

I hope you find lots of friendly support on here and feel a bit less alone now that you've reached out, and that when lockdown is lifted and we can mix again there will be opportunities to build some friendships outside of home. Best wishes. x

I’m so sorry you’ve lost your husband, that’s very sad.

Did your son bring the children over to see you prior to your husband’s death? Is this request that you go to them something new? Is there any reason you can’t go to your son’s to visit?

It’s very difficult to get out and meet people while we are all locked down like this. Maybe time spent investigating ways to meet new folk once this is all over would be worthwhile?

Welcome back, so sorry you're in such a rotten situation and unable to see your children or grandchildren, but please don't be lonely when you can chat with anyone here 24/7 most days

Sending you love, I have no shared experience to offer, just to let you know your not alone.