I’ve been a toxic daughter in law!

Write the letter.

Mother’s Day is just around the corner. A good card with a short personal note would be a confrontation-free way of acknowledging the past and at the same time focussing on the future. If she finds these things awkward, then this will be appreciated and you can both move on. Good luck!

You could send her a card.

Your post to me speaks volumes. I believe you are a lovely person and let’s face it we all havé faults. Not a lot of people would admit to their faults & just carry on oblivious. Perhaps send her a lovely card and a little gift as a thank you for all her help & support & understanding. Have a wonderful day ???

If I were your MiL I would really appreciate an apology. I think a letter is a lovely idea and sometimes it is much easier to write from the heart than to say it face to face. If you send a letter she will be able to take it all in before responding rather than have to react to a conversation. Good luck. xx

I have been with my DH for 47 years. When we first met, his family were not very nice to me. My MIL was a very nice person to others, but I could not warm to her because of how she was years ago, I didn't feel that she was sincere towards me, and I know she talked about me to other people, because they told me. However, she died last year and I felt that there were things that I should have said, but never did. I can't help feeling some regret about that. I would say act now, as it may be too late to show your appreciation.

If you have to choose between being right or being kind, always choose KIND!

I have been on the receiving end being a mil myself - I think it’s great you are able to recognize some past behavior that was not good for yourself or others - if you have boys yourself how you model yourself reflects on them. I think it would be very kind of you to go ahead and tell your mil you love her and apologize. I don’t think you need to go into specifics she will know. But trust me just you acknowledging any wrongs will go a long way . She wants to love you like a daughter and especially because you married her son. I am pretty sure she wants you to be the best person you can be. She will know the person your son married better now and all in all it will only get better.

No point taking up dead history, is just be conscious of your attitude towards her from hereon out.

Oh please apologies whilst she is still alive. My MIL died many years ago and I never did say sorry for my lack of appreciation. Don’t delay, particularly in these pandemic days. We never know how much time we have. Say sorry + send flowers and something she can keep, perhaps a good photo frame with you all. So important you do it now.

Wow what a list of wonderful advice - all saying yup, tell her you want to be on better terms with her - but don't make a big deal of all that - it's too embarrassing !! You sound really kind and in need of good relationships - so go for it !!

Perhaps your MiL is like my late and much missed MiL. As the mother of an only child, a much loved and waited for son, she made up her mind that she would love whoever he chose to marry. On my side, young though I was, I decided that there didn’t need to be a competition about who loved him best, and that worked well for all of us. So yes, do acknowledge that you wish you had behaved differently and enjoy a future relationship which is much more honest. You are brave and will do the right thing.