Code of cooking when having guests.

When we celebrated our Golden Wedding, we had a sit down meal for 14. These included 3 vegetarians, 2 people with serious food allergies and someone with IBS and a hiatus hernia who could not cope with spices or a lot of vegetables.

We decided against booking a restaurant and used caterers instead. I worked with the caterer to bring together a menu with the minimum number of variations to cover this wide range of requirements.

We started with a small vegetable tartlet with salad garnish. Even the lady with the digestion problem could manage that and everybody else could eat it as well. We followed with roast lamb with all the trimmings, with an aubergine dish for the vegetarians and ended with Eton Mess. One of those with allergies had grapes in hers rather than strawberries, but overall we had a really delicious meal, where most of the time we were all eating the same food and as there were three vegetarians, the number of them stopped them feeling like exceptions who caused problems, which they weren't anyway.

If I particularly wanted meat for some reason (e.g. 2 of them would adore roast lamb) then TBH for the other I’d just go and get a really nice veggie meal from M&S. There are masses to choose from now.

A dd and family went from mainly veggie to wholly veggie and no dairy a while ago, but they still have eggs, some from their own chooks, and the Gdcs still have cheese.

I will admit that it’ll be harder to think what to give them now but I did find a nice vegan lasagne recipe the other day, to take on Easter Sunday. Tried out half quantity first for me and dh and it was very tasty. Even the plant-based ‘cheese’ on top was quite passable (M&S). It went down very well.

Maybe it's lack of experience that people find it genuinely hard to know what to do with a vegetarian or vegan?

Another suggestion is for people to do a pot luck kind of meal if they are having a dinner party. Then everyone can be sure of having something suitable for their needs. That won't work if one person insists that everyone can only follow their own preferences though.

I agree rude ( not controlling) to go to someone else’s house and insist on certain foods, your choice to eat / not eat but not force others, but the OP also queried why veggies didn’t serve her meat when she went to theirs - same thing surely. The OP was dithering about serving vegetarians or vegans, as if it was a huge bother - when these days there’s lots of choices and with a bit of thought fairly easy to to avoid animal products, gluten or whatever.

vegansrock

I’m not sure why it’s “controlling” not to eat meat/ dairy as an ethical choice. I also don’t understand why people get into a flap about not eating meat for one meal.

It's not controlling to choose that for yourself. I applaud people who are able to be fully vegan. I often choose vegan or vegetarian or cook two meals to favour that. If it wasn't for other members of my family, I'd probably have gone vegan full time by now for ethical reasons.

It is controlling to tell people they can't even put milk in their hot drinks in their own home (not the home of the vegan).

Vegan food can be very hard for those with sensory issues. Two members of my family are affected by that. The one time I tried to push it with something on the more gentle end of texture, my child vomited. There are four different eating styles running in my household that I cater to but none of us insist others must follow their own preferences. We never go to someone else's house and tell them what they can and can't do either.

Veganrock: I was responding to CafeAuLait
Imo it is controlling to go to someone else's home & object to some cheese being on the table or not come because the OP had milk in his tea. Is all.

Yet again no return of OP

I’m not sure why it’s “controlling” not to eat meat/ dairy as an ethical choice. I also don’t understand why people get into a flap about not eating meat for one meal.

FHS it’s one meal! Why wouldn’t you cook for someone who is vegetarian?

Some people wouldn’t invite a Vegetarian into their home!!

Unbelievable.

CafeAuLait No! What a nightmare! Thankfully I don't know anyone that controlling.
The allergy side I can relate to - DD had many which result in anaphylaxis if she's not careful. (She has a condition called Alpha triptasemia) One thing she can eat is meat without seasonings but not fish!
So me: Pescatarian, DD1 ditto, DD2 the limited one, 2 x SiL meat eaters. ??
DDs wedding was - varied - the chef said he liked a challenge & pulled it off.
One friend was Coeliac from birth, another - atheist - said she'd given up meat for lent. ? Still happy to host them all.

hugshelp

Do most meat-eaters eat meat at every single meal? We don't. Can't you all have a mac cheese or a meat-free pizza or something?

Those are good options but they have cheese which is not vegan unless you use vegan cheese. I like vegan cheese but many don't. I also make those with gluten free pasta and pizza bases which not everyone likes. For those dishes it wouldn't be hard to do two different versions, so I'd just do that. I'd probably just buy the pizza bases with wheat rather than make them myself though. That makes catering for multiple groups easier. I would read the label to make sure it really was vegan.

hugshelp

Do most meat-eaters eat meat at every single meal? We don't. Can't you all have a mac cheese or a meat-free pizza or something?

Those are good options but they have cheese which is not vegan unless you use vegan cheese. I like vegan cheese but many don't. I also make those with gluten free pasta and pizza bases which not everyone likes. For those dishes it wouldn't be hard to do two different versions, so I'd just do that. I'd probably just buy the pizza bases with wheat rather than make them myself though. That makes catering for multiple groups easier. I would read the label to make sure it really was vegan.

Blossoming

CafeAuLait

Blossoming

As they are guests I would do my best to make them feel welcome and comfortable, including serving food they would enjoy. I’m not veggie but we don’t eat meat with every meal.

What if making them comfortable means not serving meat and expecting everyone else to only eat vegan around them? As in my post above. Curious what you might think about that.

Why the aggression? As I said, I would do my best to make them feel welcome and comfortable. Otherwise, why invite them when you clearly don’t want them in your home.

There is no aggression. I am actually vegan by choice most of the time. If I am out and there is a vegan or vegetarian option, I usually will choose that one. I am used to cooking multiple meals every day for members of my family who don't make the same choices, have allergies or have sensory issues with many of the vegan options. I tried it with one of my kids who vomited all over the table because of the texture. My husband will eat what he can but hates it.

When I go to someone's house who is vegan, I do not expect them to cater to me with animal products. I expect anything in their house will be 100% vegan and don't think it's reasonable for anyone to expect them to serve animal products in their home. I fully understand that being against their beliefs and don't expect them to compromise on such an important issue to them. I deal with those members of my family who can't handle it by feeding them beforehand so they aren't hungry when they can only pick at a few things.

I do think it is wrong, when they come to my home and I am running a full vegan menu to cater to them, to make an issue that I have one dish on the side that might contain animal products (even if it's vegetarian rather than vegan, so has cheese). I am, in fact, catering to them first and doing a side extra for those who can't handle their preferences, who live in that home they are visiting.

So I asked them if they would like to do an afternoon tea instead. They wouldn't come because my husband has milk in his hot drinks. I'm not going to tell him not to. This applies to eating out as well. They will not have anything not vegan on the table.

In the end, I decided it was just too hard and too one sided. I know I'm not the only one who made that decision too. I think I was very accommodating.

Oops extra letter crept in there

Ooh! Horses for courses! - Starters or main anyone??

Many years ago my friend's DM was in a tis because her son was bringing his new girlfriend to Sunday Lunch; "She's got that disease" says DM - "She's a vegeitarian" ???

I guess you try to make your guests welcome and want for them to enjoy their meal.
This sometimes falls down if individuals don’t enjoy vegetarian meals and have been invited by a vegetarian. I struggle as I eat gluten free and this doesn’t combine well with vegetarian cuisine as most meals don’t tick both boxes.

I wouldn't invite the vegetarian around, I can't be bothered with all these faddy diets. Just say you don't cook vegetarian meals. Or make them something vegetarian that won't be very nice so they don't come again, you can always say your not into vegetarian cooking.

I'm what used to be called a strict vegetarian, i.e. a veggie that doesn't eat meat, fish or eggs, but does eat dairy. I've been veggie for almost 40 years now.

My reasons for being a vegetarian are simple, I'm protein intolerant. Even using the same utensils on my food that have been used on meat, fish or eggs and not properly cleaned will land me in not only a world of pain, but also quite possibly a&e. I'm lucky that I can just about tolerate dairy, but even then I have to limit it.

My friends know this, and accommodate it in the same way as I accommodate my diabetic friends needs and my coeliac friends needs.

40 years ago veggie food was so boring, but thankfully the world has moved on. There are now plenty of veggie recipes that most dietary requirements can enjoy.

Personally, as someone who is allergic to or intolerant of the majority of veggies, pulses, herbs and spices, also having had gastric surgery, my diet is primarily meat/protein.

Fortunately, among my friends and family there are no vegetarians or vegans, so this problem doesn't crop up for us.

If I'm entertaining, I will cook some veggies so that others can have a balanced meal but I would never cook a specific vegetarian or vegan meal.

Because of my allergies/intolerances, if I go anywhere and there is a possibility of food being served, I will always decline the food if I can't be 100% certain that it's OK for me or (more often than not) I will take something with me that I know is acceptable.

On this basis, I don't see why anyone should have to change what they would normally eat just to accommodate someone else, just say to your potential guests that xyz is served in your home and that they are welcome to join you in a meal but if they want something else they should cater for themselves or decline the invitation!

Vegetarian is relatively easy - even more so if they are pescatarian (eat fish and seafood). Vegan is an absolute minefield and I would not be making dinner for anyone who is this strict about food in my home - we would go out to eat instead or get takeaway. We have a vegan friend who is incredibly fussy about what he eats - we do not entertain each other for dinner as it would just be too awkward. If we want to eat together we will order an Indian takeaway where we can all have what we want.

Buy a vegetarian ready meal, invite your veggie and meat friends, and enjoy good company.. that’s all that matters, not what they eat, what they wear.... just that they’re there ?

I am mostly vegetarian and my husband is strictly vegetarian. We both cook meat for people who eat meat but quite often we will have Asian vegetarian food, which most of our friends really enjoy. If we have a roast, we will have a good selection of vegetables, a home made onion sauce or maybe cauliflower cheese, and Yorkshires, with meat gravy or vegetarian gravy.

If someone is a staunch vegetarian who does not wish to buy and cook meat I think it would be unreasonable to expect him/her to do so.

I imagine it's fairly easily solved in the case of people who object to hosts serving up exclusively vegetarian food or to hosts not serving up exclusively vegetarian food - don't accept the invitation.

glammagran

No idea where Gentility came from. I meant spiced lentils.

This must be one of the best auto corrects ever - surrreal. Thank you ??

No idea where Gentility came from. I meant spiced lentils.

To those who mentioned pasta shells upthread this is truly one of my favourite meals. I do Gennaro Contaldo’s Baked Pasta Shells Filled With Cheese quite often. I live spiced gentility dishes too. We eat vegetarian food about 3 times a week, all home cooked and meat or fish the other 4 days. My late mother was vegetarian and my sister has coeliacs but I don’t have problems catering for both.