Code of cooking when having guests.

Yes I agree its not difficult to produce veggie alternatives ( not that I do the cooking) for non meat eaters and its only an occasional thing Twinlolly. I do find that vegetarians tend to be a bit evangelical about it, I choose to eat meat at times and don't think I should be criticised for this.

I’m a meat eater but a vegetable lover especially. A vegan friend cooks lovely tasty meals without meat and I enjoy trying them. Just last week she cooked a vegetable chilli and savoury potato wedges (we ate in the garden) and it was delicious. Didn’t miss the meat at all.
I wouldn’t expect a vegan friend to prepare meat for me - conversely if a vegan friend came to lunch and I was doing a roast for example, I would expect them to load the plate with veg and gravy and just swerve the meat. With seasonings, herbs and stuffings it is still a tasty meal.

As someone else mentioned - I would provide a buffet. Lots of different salads, cheeses, cold cuts, fish, flat breads, baguettes. Jacket potatoes/new potatoes etc.
Everyone can then help themselves.. easy peasy!

JustMe I did chicken and chorizo kebabs and sausages, and for the vegetarian, vegetable kebabs and lots of different salads. The vegetarian ate the chicken kebabs and swerved the veggie ones! And ate sausages!

Sometimes a good meaty bbq is too much to miss! My mum was like that, eating everything on offer! ?

Cabbie21

I don’t think DH will ever be able to eat other people’s cooking again. He has great difficulty swallowing, so everything has to be cooked to a mush. He does enjoy a roast dinner but it takes him an hour to eat it.
So cooking for others has more snags that just vegetarian or not. If a guest thinks the cook won’t be able to cater to their needs, they won’t accept the invitation.
Something to be said for lockdown after all!

That’s sad

I don’t think DH will ever be able to eat other people’s cooking again. He has great difficulty swallowing, so everything has to be cooked to a mush. He does enjoy a roast dinner but it takes him an hour to eat it.
So cooking for others has more snags that just vegetarian or not. If a guest thinks the cook won’t be able to cater to their needs, they won’t accept the invitation.
Something to be said for lockdown after all!

Lollin

I’ve seen that happen justme !
I can understand some would find it very difficult/impossible to cook meat dishes twinlolly and so that’s where meat eaters lose out. I know someone who struggles with the majority of vegetables and so struggles with various dishes on menus (and in days of old, at friends houses) which include vegetables because of that. If only there was a nice name for it - it would help their problem to cause less anxiety at gatherings. Before anyone says meat-eater or fussy eater, it really is not that simple .

But vegetarian meals aren’t about vegetables anymore than meat based meals are about vegetables. It’s such a shame that there is still this outmoded view of vegetarian cooking. People are really missing out on a whole world of culinary delights. Honestly ?

You seem to resent these people so I wouldn't invite them tbh.

Sorry, I just do not get it, why does eating meat preclude you from also eating meals which do not include meat and why are these meals considered odd?

I am an omnivore I eat a wide range of different foods and put them together in a wide variation of ways. I regularly eat meals that contain meat, fish and dairy products. I also regularly eat meals based entirely based on vegetables, beans, nuts etc etc.

My solution if I have people for a meal with different food eating patterns is a cold buffet or pick and mix meal, like a curry, or pasta and a selection of sauces, one of which would contain meat, for those who eat it.

I do not think any one set of foods or eating patterns is any better or taster than any other. There are thousands, possible tens of thousands of different animals, insect, vegetables, fruit and grains and other feedstuffs in this world. All of us eat only a limited selection of these and what we eat is governed by culture, availability, taste and principle.

I find all this poncing around by people choosing different eating patterns and thinking this represents some form of virtue in them, whether vegan, vegetarian or carnivore, quite ridiculous. We all have guilding principles that govern how we eat. I try and eat environmentally and there are a list of foodstuffs that I avoid when eating in restaurants, unless I know their provenance. To which my response to myself, as to others, is, so what.

I’ve seen that happen justme !
I can understand some would find it very difficult/impossible to cook meat dishes twinlolly and so that’s where meat eaters lose out. I know someone who struggles with the majority of vegetables and so struggles with various dishes on menus (and in days of old, at friends houses) which include vegetables because of that. If only there was a nice name for it - it would help their problem to cause less anxiety at gatherings. Before anyone says meat-eater or fussy eater, it really is not that simple .

Yes I would always cook a seperate veggie meal for a vegetarian. But sometimes it doesn't work out...

The last time we had friends round for a BBQ, there was 6 of us in total, one of whom was vegetarian.

I did chicken and chorizo kebabs and sausages, and for the vegetarian, vegetable kebabs and lots of different salads. The vegetarian ate the chicken kebabs and swerved the veggie ones! And ate sausages!
I did say... I thought you were vegetarian? (I probably hadn't made enough meat kebabs) and she said... I am 99% of the time! ?

Thanks for your messages and thoughts. Much appreciated. I may have sounded peeved at the time when I wrote it - I wasn't really thinking logically nor did I have time to cool down and think things through!

True, next time I'll do something that can have meat added or not. So extra veggies in the one to compensate no meat.

I do eat fish and chicken in between other times, so maybe a fish dish might also be an option as some vegetarians do eat fish.

Thanks again.

I agree it is difficult if you are not used to preparing vegetarian or vegan food. Two of our children are vegan and two vegetarian. We often eat vegetarian meals just because we have learned how to cook them well.
At Christmas our menu was vegan, and extremely tasty. It really is worth practising and finding dishes which are tasty and easily prepared for guests. For instance, a vegetable chilli or lasagne is nicer than its meat equivalent, and a roasted cauliflower can provide a lovely centrepiece for a roast dinner. Vegan cakes can be really lovely. I was surprised too.
I can understand a vegan or vegetarian not wanting to handle or cook meat - it is often a moral choice for them - and would not expect them to.

Ok. In my small circle of lockdown friends, there is one vegetarian and the rest of us are meat eaters. Do I have to cook a separate vegetarian meal for that person/cook separate vegetarian meals for vegan and vegetarian guests, when the majority are meat eaters?

The simple answer is yes, you do. The essence of being a good host is to ensure that your guests feel comfortable and welcome in your home. If you don’t want to make that effort, don’t invite them.

Not sure what a lockdown circle of friends is either. None of my friends have been inside my house for over a year

Many years ago, when we hosted regular dinner parties, I was asked by a friend 'is it because we're vegetarians we don't get invited?' She was Australian. Very matter of fact and delightful. I truthfully said yes because all I knew of the eating habits then was salad and I didn't want to be singling them out for a separate meal to everyone else. She suggested she bring along their own food (yes!) and we could all discuss this as they really wanted to be included. Sounds absolutely crazy now but I remember it well. Furthermore, in those days a salad was pretty much lettuce, cucumber, tomato and HB egg. So basic that I feel somewhat ashamed. Anyway we all socialised well and learned so much from each other for many years before they returned to Australia. I still squirm at my initial angst. I was in no way unwilling but I sure felt inadequate at the time. I remember it well. Changed days indeed with our eating knowledge/habits. We have indeed blossomed.

Ideally the whole population should be trying to eat some( well, at least one!) veggie meals each week for ecological reasons.

“Small circle of lockdown friends” ?? What does this mean ?I presume you’ve not been visiting during lockdown....

Maybe just expand your cooking repertoire to include more non meat meals, so you feel confident about serving them to others, maybe challenge yourself to a meat free month and surprise yourself. It’s not that difficult, there’s plenty of advice , recipes etc online. You will still be alive and the end of it and may even feel healthier. If you cannot countenance that just buy a vegan quiche from Waitrose and serve that up with a jacket potato/salad. On the other hand, if your question masks a dislike of veggies / vegans then don’t invite them or accept their invitations.

I used to love having dinner parties Teacheranne but it's too much to cope with now. We would just in normal times have friends for lunch which is something simple or M&S.
I would never have minded providing a veggie option and would not expect a vegetarian to cook meat.

Teacheranne

Am I unusual in that I cannot remember when I last cooked for or went to a dinner party? I cook meals for my family when they visit but tend to go to restaurants with friends. I find the shopping, setting the table, preparation of food, cooking, clearing up washing up and putting things away too much fuss!

Outside pandemics (!) we eat regularly with dd and family at each other’s and some other friends and there’s one couple who we always eat out with. We eat out as a couple quite regularly as well. But I enjoy having people round for a meal and never find it too much fuss. We make sure we plan meals which can be prepared in advance as much as possible and tend to share out the courses between us. Anyway I wouldn’t dust otherwise as my house testifies at the moment ? As for reciprocity of quality and effort I’d say we are all very well matched except my son-in-law does the best Sunday roasts -with -a -twist in the world

Am I unusual in that I cannot remember when I last cooked for or went to a dinner party? I cook meals for my family when they visit but tend to go to restaurants with friends. I find the shopping, setting the table, preparation of food, cooking, clearing up washing up and putting things away too much fuss!

The OP is correct that the veggie/ non-veggie thing is not, in general, reciprocal. I don’t think that makes it unfair. One entertains out of hospitality and generosity, not as part of some kind of contract.

I sometimes think the same about other kinds of entertaining. When I did it a lot, I used to put huge effort into producing really well-cooked, beautifully-presented, tasty meals, and I checked beforehand if there were any foods my guests didn’t eat. Then I’d eat at someone else’s house and have a hastily thrown together cold meat salad ‘main course’, followed by a defrosted sweet. I just congratulated myself inwardly on being the better cook.

My vegetarian friend serves a meat or fish dish plus a vegetarian dish if she has guests for dinner.

She cooks meat for other members of her family although they eat a lot of vegetarian dishes too.

I would never serve meat if one of my guests were vegetarian nor pork if one of my guests were observant Jews. If one had diabetes or was gluten intolerant I’d make sure everything I served was suitable for them. I always provide what I’d call an inclusive meal. Everybody there can eat everything I serve. There are so many delicious recipes out there to cover all eventualities. DH and I chose what we want most of the time so the times we have to cater for guests with dietary needs are not frequent ( I’m talking outside pandemics of course). We eat vegetarian meals at least once a week simply because we enjoy them and wouldn’t want meat or fish every day.

i'm surprised that there is so much meat-eating going on.
do you mean you eat meat every single day. meat rather than fish.
that would be unusual around here.
anyway, just keep a few veggie/vegan quiches in the freezer.
simples. as long as you give them something to eat.
do i detect some antipathy towards non meat-eaters.
if so, be honest and don't invite them.