Friends when it suits them

Is the term Wendied? Someone who makes friends to take yours or obtain something from you, then you’re of no use. Without all the details it happened to me, I found it quite traumatic and backed out, I hate confrontation, but am wary now.

@ExD. On a mobile phone it’s usually pretty standard - go to the settings menu and there should be an option to block the number you enter. On a landline, most digital phones with a menu have this function - sometimes called blacklist. Again, go to the settings menu and you should be able to do it from there. You also used to be able to get your phone provider to block numbers where there were nuisance calls. The caller gets a message saying that the person you are calling is no longer taking calls from you. Short and to the point.

My daughter is a business woman, and I thought this person genuinely was a paying client.

I really don’t see why you have to be polite about this, she’s using you and she’s not very subtle about it. Block her, tell your daughter to block her and if she contacts you tell her you’d rather not continue the ‘friendship’ as she’s the only one benefiting from it.

Thank you for your lovely comment.

My husband never says what he did before he retired. It’s just asking for trouble and a avalanche of wheedling to get free advice.

If she rings you could say 'I'm spending time with another friend and my daughter's too busy to give free advice'. Just quote back to her what she said to you and ring off.
Whatever you do, don't give her the time of day.

ExD

Silly question - how do you block a number?
Second silly question 2 - if she tries to call what will she hear on the phone? Will she know she's been blocked?

Answer to Q2 - once blocked, when she next tries to ring you she will get an automated response saying ‘Sorry, your call cannot be connected’

If she’s been blocked by others before you she will realise that this is what you have done

Tell her you're busy.
or
Tell her honestly you're not sure you are suited as friends.
or
Block her
or
Contact her with a list of favours you'd like doing.

JustMe

That's awful!

If she asks to meet or have 'chats' with you... I would just pre-empt it and say in response to her 'My daughter is very busy and can't respond to anything you want'

Some people have got such a cheek and with that sort, you need to spell it out.

I like this as it lets her know that the OP knows exactly what "game" she is playing!!

As everyone here has mostly said..Drop her like a ton of bricks. I had a 'Friend' once who would meet up and then drop me when it suited her, we went a long time and then she contacted me out of the blue and wanted to meet, she treated me to coffee and then the truth came out, her son had moved into a new house and would my husband do the work cheaply for him. After some years of this from various people, as my husband was a 'Useful' man to know, I was fed up of being used so I dropped anyone who wanted anything done for next to nothing. Users one and all, don't need them in our lives.

Another thing they say on mumsnet is
“The word no is a complete sentence!”
I hope you find the courage to use it as that overbearing woman needs to be sent off with her tail between her legs!

I think the time for politeness has passed, as soon and you know it’s her, cut her off and block her number if possible. X

BLOCK HER. Had this situation once and ended up just telling the lady the truth, that she was a user. Not worth your time or energy worrying about her. Get rid.

Thanks welbeck, crossed posts i think?

Lollin- yes i was intrigued too? (if my dd is still on mumsnet- ill ask her? but to OP, yes block her but first id tell her a few home truths!- about her being a user, not a friend.

I have had a number of " friends" like this and it has made me cautious.

In the end it is better to have a handful of friends you can trust and cast people like this woman to the wind.

I would literally say what you’ve said here. She’s not your friend at all, she just uses people and you’re not interested.....bye!

I wouldn't say she's a friend. Would she help you out if needed?

Mmm.
I'm afraid I wouldn't have given my daughter's telephone number in the first place- I find that a bit strange. I am a qualified accountant retired now and I learned very quickly at parents evenings and other such gatherings of people you don't really know, to say I was a housewife. The reason I did this was that as soon as someone (particularly men) knew what I did they would engineer a private word so they could get free tax advice. Its one thing to help a real friend but another to spend your social time sorting out others problems, unless you intend to do it by volunteering.

100% agree that you and your daughter should block her. From your description, it is obvious that she has never been a friend but a scrounger. All the best.

I had a similar problem. She is certainly not a friend. Just be busy and drop her. Your daughter is s [professional and can see through her. Tell you daughter this woman is no longer a friend so she knows not to give free advice - what a cheek.

Definitely get your daughter to block her so that she can't call your daughter for advice (although your daughter does seem to have been able to deal with it).
It certainly doesn't sound as though she is someone you want to keep in touch with even although you enjoyed her company at first. You could just block her or not answer her calls. Or you could send a message saying something along the lines of " This past year has given us all cause to review how we spend our time, and I've decided I'm only able to keep in touch with a small number of close/long-term friends now, along with possibly taking up some new hobbies, so I'm keeping the rest of my time clear to relax and look after my physical and mental wellbeing. Hope you're ok. Look after yourself too." Whatever works for you and you're comfortable saying and isn't basically untruthful.
She may not be fully aware of what she's doing, but there is definitely a degree of deliberateness in it.
Unfortunately, people like this often end up without real friends and it probably wouldn't take much for them to start thinking about others and find how much better true friendships which offer mutual support can be.
There should be groups and online forums where she can get advice freely or cheaply (or she'll just need to pay for it if necessary).
I have a friend who is quite needy and has a lot going on in her life and will often phone me for reassurance etc, but she does also genuinely care about me and what's going on in my family as well - that's a different situation to the one you've described.
Good luck.

I really think you gave too much information too soon. Was their a need to tell her what your daughter did. If you hadn't told her she wouldn't have asked for her help. Making friends on line you have to be very careful, some do it for personal purpose or gain. Be careful. Meet before giving too much information about you and your family and friends etc. Just get rid. Karen

You have definitely been used. When the "friend does make contact again just be blunt and tell her you are surprised as she seems to only be interested in what your DD can offer and you feel there isn't really anything of a friendship between you two. There will always be those who use people for their own ends, unfortunately you have encountered one.